Tis the Season

'Tis the season to be a nail-biting mass of anxiety.

I'm not a big shopper -- my idea of a spree is three hours on a Saturday morning, going to maybe three stores but definitely getting home in time to take a nap. I'm also not a confident gift giver. Even having to get a gift for Darren, my favorite person in the whole world, makes my stomach twist up. And what two activities converge at the Christmas season? Yes, exactly, nail-biting and fretting.

(Actually, I use "nail-biting" figuratively. In reality, I bite my nails routinely.)

This year I tried to sneak past the anxiety by keeping Christmas gifts in mind all year long. It didn't work very well, because the problem isn't the lack of Things to Get. It's the fact that I don't really know what to get. For anybody. And when I do get something, I fret about it. And once I give the gift, I try to forget about it so I won't wonder if the recipient liked it.

Possibly I don't need to mention that the beginning of the Christmas Season has arrived once again with its arms full of brightly-wrapped angst?

But there are nieces and nephews to buy for. Kids are a little easier because even if they don't like the gift, they at least like unwrapping something with their names on it. Besides, I actually had real ideas of what to buy. A quick trip online would take care of a very big slice of anxiety -- before December even begins!

For the Northern branch: a Cranium game called Bumparena, which both children and adults can have fun with. My sister-in-law, Jessica (whose superpower is Gift Giving), gave it to Stuart about four years ago. So we used to have it, before I relaxed my vigilance and let Addie and Stuart play with it unsupervised. (I'm still throwing away vestigial gameparts.)

Turns out that it's no longer generally available. Well, not unless you want to pay $50 on Amazon. I was crushed.

For the Southern branch: a Little People playset, like the pirate ship and castle in our playroom. My kids and all visiting kids have loved those toys. We bought them both about three years ago and they've stood up to some pretty hard wear and tear. Perfect, perfect idea!

Turns out that they're no longer generally available. Not unless you want to pay $80 - $100 for it. I was devastated.

My gift ideas rare and valuable; I can't afford to have them shot down in one fell swoop. Now I'm back to the fretting and nail-biting stage, without ideas -- except, perhaps, becoming suddenly convinced that a natural, recycled approach is better for kids anyway and giving them all an ornament made from pipe cleaners and paper-towel tubes as featured in the latest issue of Family Fun magazine.

Don't worry, family branches. When the time comes, there will be a present for you. Badly wrapped, because I'm not good at that either, but your names will all be spelled right and there will be something inside that will be somewhat applicable to your age range and interests. You might want to brush off those little white semi-circle things before you open it, although it's nothing important. Just a few bitten nails.

-- SJ

Not Available at Your Nearest Bookstore

A Very Short Cookbook:
My Favorite Pea and Broccoli Recipes, by Darren

**
An Unsuccessful Self-Help Book:
The Art of Conventional Conversation, by Addie (who today told an optometrist that "I love books the way I love killing mayflies!")

***
Obscure Psychological Thriller:
Into the Twisted Mind of Number 9, by Sara

***
Short-Lived Adventure Hero:
Captain Oblivion ("What bomb?"), by Stuart

***
A Failed Romance Novel:
The Drool of the Nile, by Phillip

***
An Uninspiring Memoir:
My Life as a Courtroom Judge, by Daphne (excerpt below)

Lawyer: "Your Honor, it is obvious that my client is mentally ill and was framed for this crime and is innocent."

The Court:"Why?"

Lawyer: "Uh... I... what do you mean, why, Your Honor?"

The Court: I... said... WHY!"

Lawyer: "Um, yes, I'm sorry, Your Honor.... um, so that my client..."

The Court: "NO! Not 'so that'! You have to say BECAUSE when I say WHY!"

***
Just a little reminder that the world could be a little worse off than it is.

-- SJ

Word for the Day

Stuart [stoo-wert] n:

1. A boy, characterized by irrepressible energy and enthusiasm, except when plagued by insupportable boredom such as when compelled to sit still and listen.

2. A boy who lists his hobby as "computer games." Interests also include Star Wars, Redemption, Pokemon cards, speaking in front of people, making strange noises, and reading comic strips.

3. A boy not characterized by a somber, serious outlook on life.

4. A boy who is seven years old today.

5. A boy who is loved very much by

-- SLJ and DAJ

Mundania 26

* I've lost count of these Mundanias and am not sure whether this is actually 26 or not. Probably the fate of the world will remain unchanged.

* Yesterday evening, Darren came home and let me retreat to the bedroom for a while. I ate supper there, and then decided to lie down. An hour and a half later I woke up. Then I slept till 9 this morning.

* I'm thinking that five months of twice-a-night feedings caught up with me this weekend.

* Smoothies always disappoint me: they look appetizing, but they always taste thin or too tart. Well, we finally found a smoothie recipe that the whole family likes. It has bananas, berries, pineapple, milk... and sweetened condensed milk. Yum.

* Darren borrowed a card game from his co-worker, Dave, called "Mag Blast." The concept is simple enough that Stuart and Addie can both play, but gameplay is varied enough that Darren and I can play against each other. Since it involves spaceships attacking each other, the rules state that you must make sound effects when playing a card. The rules don't state that if you play all your cards in one turn, you get a kiss, but we do that too.

* Stuart is a very good gameplayer. It helps that he has an overlarge serving of Game Luck, which lets him get good numbers and good cards. (My friend Debra has Game Luck also, and by the time I was sixteen I stopped playing card games with her.) Whenever he makes a good play, he giggles. He seems well on his way to developing a maniacal laugh.

* Another synesthesia thing I remembered last night when Daphne asked me how to make a 5. When I was teaching Stuart, I was pregnant with Daphne. It made such sense to tell him, "Make a straight line across, a straight line down, and then a round baby tummy like Mama's!" But I couldn't bring myself to teach him that 5 was pregnant because 5 is, after all, male.

-- SJ

What Do Your Numbers Say To You?

1 is a boy, surly and hard to reason with.

2 is a boy, older and quiet and responsible.

3 is a girl. She's bratty.

4 is a boy, good-natured and easygoing.

5 is a boy, and likes aggravating 4 and 6

6 -- dear 6! She's a princess, serious and kind.

7, a boy who's a real pest to 6 and 8, is always buttering up 9.

8 is patient and good-humored, especially considering she's stuck right beside 9.

9, oh horrors. She's the bad princess. She's mean and sly and manipulative.

10 is a boy...

What? What do you mean, what on earth am I talking about? Maybe your numbers have different personalities. Or maybe you want to talk about letters?

A is a girl, B is a girl, C is a boy, D is a boy...

Um. Colors? Red is a boy, Green is a girl...

Months of the year? Days of the week? Are you really telling me that you don't think of Tuesday as female?

So. Yes. That blank, possibly unsettled, expression on your face is what taught me not to discuss how numbers, letters, etc. live in my head. I learned years ago that not everybody spent first grade making their numbers talk to each other, or drawing wimples on their sixes and nines (9's wimple was smaller because she was the mean princess).

What I learned just a week or so ago was that this quirk has an actual name: synesthesia. There are many forms, mine evidently being ordinal linguistic personification. It's hereditary, too. Thanks, Mom!

Possibly this "synesthesia" is a partial explanation of why math is so muddled in my head. I remember my math lessons in elementary school being very noisy -- all those numbers jostling against each other. The odd numbers argued with everybody. The even numbers called out sympathy to other even numbers stuck next to a 9. The way 5 and 7 always aggravated the life out of 6; good thing she had 2 and 4 to stand up for her.

Other people could open their math books and see fifty practice problems. I saw a solid page of soap opera drama.

Now that I'm an adult, I've outgrown all those personality clashes. Ha, ha, not even slightly. I've just learned to operate on two levels: the everyday level where I deal with numbers and letters as flat, inanimate tools; and the sublevel, where there's a constant roar and babble of their neverending interaction with each other.

And, fact is, sometimes I let myself enjoy that sublevel like I did when I was eight years old. Because the world is way more interesting that way.

-- SJ

P.S.
The number personalities extend through the teens, up to 19. After that, the digits remain individuals. 89, 67, and 45 are conflicted numbers.

All letters are male or female, as are the basic colors, months of the year (January is female, March is male), and days of the week. As far as I can tell, there's no pattern to which ones are male and which ones are female. I don't consciously decide it: it's just the way things are.

Star Wars Musings

It's the beginning of a new era in the Roberts-Jones household: we're showing our children the original Star Wars movies.

I grew up with the movies because I have three older brothers. I remember that Matt in particular was fascinated (spelled O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D) by the Star Wars universe. In fact, I can't even watch "Return of the Jedi" now without remembering the parts where Matt whispered explanations and pointed out cool parts. Like in Jabba's palace, there's a two-second shot of this growling toad thing that he thought was really funny. Basically I watch "Jedi" through my brothers' eyes.

As for Darren, "Return of the Jedi" was the last movie he saw in a theater until "The Phantom Menace" came out in 1999. (Those in Kingdom and ATI circles will understand the whole Not Going To Theaters thing.)

Since the movies are such a part of our growing up, even during my hyperspiritual teenage years when I set my face against them, it's been very enjoyable showing them to our older three. A few thoughts while watching (and I assume if you're interested enough to read this, you've seen the movies already, because I don't veil all the top secret plot twists):

* "A New Hope" has such a corny plot. But even after 30 years, it's still so much fun to watch.

* "Empire Strikes Back" is a better movie than the first, but not nearly as rollicking a ride.

* "Return of the Jedi" sure is polished and sparkly compared to "New Hope." They keep those New Death Star floors waxed, baby. Even Darth Vader gleams.

* Oh, yeah, Darth Vader. Is there any child who has not called him Dark Vader? He was the embodiment of evil and scary back then. Now I sort of want to laugh at his plastic helmet.

* The "enhanced" versions do not enhance the experience. Mostly the additions were created by geeks blatantly geeking out with new, geekier technology.

* Daphne announced, "I like watching and talking!" So true.

* Stuart has watched "A New Hope" about seven times in the past two weeks.

* Addie was so distraught over Luke's hand that she flew out of the room and missed the big pivotal line of dialogue. She was also distressed by the scene in "Empire" where Luke is bobbing in a tank to recover from hypothermia -- wearing only briefs. "Did they have to make him do that in front of EVERYBODY?" she wailed.

* "Did you hear what he said, Stuart? Leia is the other Skywalker!" "Yeah, I know, because she's the only girl in the whole Star Wars movie."

* Darren told the kids before starting "Jedi" that in one part Leia wears clothes that we don't approve of and don't want our daughters to wear. Addie agreed wholeheartedly, assuring us that she'd always dress "modern."

*I'm most impressed by the cool special effects and battle scenes because they weren't created with a video game in mind. See: Podracing.

Darren can sit through the new trilogy with them if he wants to, but I'm not interested. Trouble is, the kids probably like those just as well. Maybe better. Which makes me feel like a Baby Boomer, insisting that my original movies are better than THEIR new glitzy movies.

(But they are.)

-- SJ

A Wittle Wedding

I'm not sure it's good blog etiquette to link to your own post for no other reason than that you think it's funny. Yet I do it anyway. I posted this wedding announcement two years ago. Obviously I like my original post, but the additions by Nina and Queen of Carrots in the comments section are even funnier.

Enjoy! And for those still stuck in the early-kid years, take heart. This too shall pass.

-- SJ

Saturday Evening Blog Post 3

For this edition, I linked to my Diary of Bella Swan post: I got so many hits on that one that it made the Top Ten Posts by brute force.

Elizabeth Esther hosts more of the "personal best" posts from October. Feel free to throw your own link into the mix.

-- SJ

Seven Quick Takes, Friday, November 6

1. I read a fascinating book this week called “The Rite: The Making of a Modern Exorcist.” It’s a true story about a California priest who just a couple years ago was appointed to be the exorcist for his diocese. The book follows his training, which was quite extensive. He learned about how to distinguish between demonic oppression and mental illness, participated in a number of blessing and exorcism services, and came away with a real passion to help God’s people live in victory over the enemy. Very well written, and successfully walks the fine line between ignoring evil spirits and being obsessed by them.

2. This is a cool art site run by a deacon out West. He does all sorts of religious imagery, and we have his poster of the 3 Archangels up in our playroom at home. I really like his style, especially his non-wimpy angels. For a very reasonable price, I was able to purchase one of his pieces, of the 7 original deacons, to use as my email signature when I send out church-related email.

3. On another deacon blog (The Deacon’s Bench), I ran across “Rules of Engagement for Catholics on the Internet.” Which in my opinion is too narrow a title – these rules are good for all of us Christians. My favorite was #2 – “Your salvation is more important than your involvement on the Internet.”

4. Today on the radio I heard “Revelation Song” sung by Philips Craig and Dean. I love that song! I want to do it at church, but the verses have some odd rhythms, so we'll have to see if it ever makes it onto the playlist.

5. If you don’t already subscribe to Touchstone magazine, may I suggest you run out and do so? It’s a marvelous journal of “mere Christianity,” and lots of cool articles that make you think (and yell at sometimes, too). The current issue has a fascinating article by John Granger about the Mormon influences on the Twilight series, that Sara read to me the other evening. We had a good time discussing how much we agreed with Granger’s contention that Meyer is deliberately engaging in Mormon apologetics by some of her settings. For example, all the important confrontations between the good vampires (the Mormons, in Granger’s interpretation) and their enemies take place in a meadow in the mountains. Which just happens to be very similar to a place where the early Mormons wiped out a group of immigrants, apparently without provocation – although the Mormons hotly dispute the lack of provocation, and this episode has always been a large bone of contention between the Mormons and the Gentiles. In Meyer’s retelling, however, the good vampires are always justified in wiping out the enemies - and in fact, the enemies attack first. Sara was skeptical at first that Meyer was deliberately setting up this alternative retelling – she thought at most it might be unconscious use of imagery that Meyer was used to. I disagreed, thinking that Meyer most certainly knew what she was doing here. So I’d like to run a small experiment, if that’s okay. For those of you who are or were connected with the Kingdom, if you were writing a story that took place on a yacht up in the North Atlantic, and you were careful to cast the leader of the expedition as wise and well-intentioned while describing those who wanted to turn back as rebellious and unbelieving, would you have any specific incident in mind? Or would this just be a random setting for you with no specific association with history? I think Meyer’s writing here was completely deliberate.

6. An interesting tidbit from FaithWorld, Reuters’ blog on religion. I hadn’t thought of swine flu causing a problem for pilgrims. And wouldn’t it be cool to be part of a huge pilgrimage like those in the picture at the top? “Next year in Jerusalem.”

7. Last night Sara and I watched a movie that I really, really liked. It’s called “Hero,” and it tells the story of the first emperor to unify China. Told through the eyes of several assassins who are trying to kill him, I found it incredibly moving and thought-provoking. Lots of cool twists and turns.

For Conversion Diary’s 7 Quick Takes on Friday.

--DJ

Educational Levels

Stuart asked, "Why do leaves change colors?"

I said, "Let's look it up." So we looked it up and talked about photosynthesis and chlorophyll and the change in sunlight and warmth. He was satisfied.

Daphne asked, "Why do leaves change colors?"

I said, "Because it's falltime." She was satisfied.

-- SJ

Good News, Bad News

Fresh bread was just out of the breadmaker, and the kids were buzzing around like yellow jackets to get some. Meanwhile, the living room was a disaster. I said, "Okay, y'all!"

They recognized the tone instantly. "I don't WANT to clean up!" Stuart wailed. "I want bread!"

I continued, "I have good news and bad news."

"We have to clean up," Addie muttered. (She really did mutter. Addie enjoys performing the literary conventions she reads about. You should hear her uncertain quavering voice.)

I continued, "The bad news is, we still have to wait about thirty minutes to cut the bread. The good news is, we get to fill up the time by cleaning up the living room!"

And I laughed out loud at my own cleverness, and because their puzzled expressions just made my funny statement even funnier.

For the record, Addie and Stuart didn't laugh at all.

-- SJ

Not an Einstein

Dear Indignant Parents,

So your righteous indignation on behalf of your children has brought the giant Disney to its knees. You'll get your refund for those Baby Einstein DVDs you bought so your children would get smarter, but that turned out NOT to make your children smarter. Who'd a thunk it?

Before you apply for your refund, I have a little rant to deliver. First of all, please realize that everything today is touted as being educational or good for your health. For instance, I saw an ad for McCormick spices that detailed the health benefits. For SPICES. You know, that ground-up powder you put into your food, 1/4 tsp at a time, to make it taste better? Who needs health benefits? P.S. If you perked up and asked what antioxidants are provided by nutmeg, you may as well stop reading this and go back to applying for your refund.

Anyway, Baby Einstein was billed as educational, because that's what we parents like to hear. The stark truth, of course, is that DVDs don't make your children smarter. Disney just said that so you would buy the product. That's how advertising works, see.

I, personally, have several of the Baby Einstein tapes. (Tapes! Back in the old days, they came out on tapes.) These videos were my salvation when Addie was young and I was pregnant with Stuart. They rescued me again when I was homeschooling Addie and Stuart, and one-year-old Daphne was a Mama-seeking, school-destroying missile. I don't care much for the glitzy Disney versions; I like the original slightly unpolished ones. My kids liked them all. In that sense, they delivered exactly what they should.

But if you, overconcerned parent, thought they'd make your child smarter, and now you want a refund because you fell for an ad campaign... well, um, exactly who is it who needs a little IQ boost?

Take them for what they're for: entertainment. And don't ask for a refund.

-- SJ

School as Home

I read recently that the president has suggested extending school days and school years to improve education. I think it's a stupid idea.

Of course I think it's a stupid idea. I don't even send my kids away to school. And when we do our schoolwork here at home, I feel stretched thin and worn out if it goes more than two hours. So it's not like I have an objective opinion here.

I guess it's possible that making the school day longer and going to a year-round school schedule will maximize educational opportunities. Maybe that way a middle school won't have to display student artwork that encourages classmates to get good grades by admonishing: "Don't Loose a Letter! You Can Do Better! Thums Up!" (Our friend Jeremiah has an actual picture of the actual poster.) I'm not involved in public education, so although I don't really think "more hours" equals "more education," it's not a debate I feel like getting into.

Obama mentioned that he also wanted schools open late to give kids a place to go. See, now that's the heart of my objection. School already sets the rhythm and structure for children and their families. Everything is planned around school. Now, in a culture where families are overextended and broken, school is to become a child's haven and home.

If you attend school for thirteen years, eight hours a day, every month of the year -- with only a few weeks' break here and there -- you will forget how to live at home. You'll reach adulthood knowing calculus and (ideally) how to spell "lose," but you won't have any idea how to grocery shop, cook a meal, keep a house clean, and occupy yourself when you're stuck and home and your computer won't work.

You won't know much about functioning as a family, which is very different from classroom management. A generation raised in school can't break the current cycle of dysfunctional families. In fact, such a generation may forget how to make a family at all.

For those who see academic and corporate success as the highest goal, centering a child's life around school seems like a very smart idea. For those with a slower, broader outlook, however, it's a grief to imagine.

Replacing a home with an institution is a very bleak prospect.

-- SJ

Seven Quick Takes Friday, October 23

For Conversion Diary's Seven Quick Takes rodeo.

1. I love reading Leah's descriptions of the differences between life in Africa and life in the United States. Her post this week about the offensive thumbs-up made me laugh out loud.

2. After reading Iron Elves (terrific book, by the way), I've started following Chris Evans' LiveJournal. He had a post yesterday about whispering into his Blackberry to remind himself of things to write later. I do this all the time with my cell phone and my work voice mail. Driving home in the evening, I'll think of things that I need to do the next day and leave myself messages to pick up in the morning. Probably not the most efficient way to do things, but it works.

3. In my opinion, one of the tragedies of the modern Christian age has been the decline in vowed monastic living. However, I had never thought of this result. Not being a beer drinker myself, I don't consider this to be a tragedy on the same scale :-)

4. I have watched this commercial 20 or more times this week, and I laugh every single time.

5. I have always been fascinated by the practice of Coptic Christians in Egypt getting little cross tattoos on the wrist. This week, there were two interesting blog posts on this practice. Gene Veith, whose blog is always a treat to read, suggested "Maybe we should do that, sealing a confirmation vow with a tattoo as a reminder that you can’t take it back!" Terry Mattingly at GetReligion.org had another point that I didn't know about: "They make it harder for Muslim extremists to kidnap their children and force them to convert to Islam, including forced marriages of young Christian girls to Muslim men."

6. For anyone out there who is a fan of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, Tor.com has been running a re-read with commentary for the last few months. It has been very interesting to me getting another person's take on the series, especially a reviewer who is so different from me on many levels.

7. I am tired of people in this house being sick.

And that's it! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

--DAJ

P.S.

Related to the post below:

Stuart was listening as the doctor explained about pneumonia. Darren saw Stuart's face blanch, but didn't think much of it.

In the car on the way home, Stuart asked anxiously, "Am I going to die?" It turns out there's this Calvin strip (he's memorized most of those books) where Calvin wants to go outside in the rain and demands to know why his mother won't let him.

"Because," she says, "you'll get wet, get pneumonia, linger a few months, and then die."

Poor Stuart thought he'd heard his own death sentence.

-- SJ

The Swine Flu

Today for Show and Tell, class, we get to talk about someone who is currently experiencing Swine Flu! Or, as is appropriate to call it now, H1N1, which makes me want to pronounce it "heiney."

Stuart was diagnosed this afternoon with the swine flu, but we already knew what it was because he's been sick since Saturday. As in, running a temperature of at least 102 for six days. He also developed a deep cough two days ago. His temperature did drop to 99.6 last night, but shot back up again by morning. The nurse said without hesitation that he needed to come in.

I really didn't see why, because what could they do about the flu? Well, it turns out that it's not really the flu itself they're worried about. It's the pneumonia that sets in afterward. Stuart has a history of respiratory troubles, so although we haven't had any problems for at least three years, we were monitoring his breathing very closely for wheezing or rasping. We heard nothing, but the doctor detected some slight rattling and wheezing through his stethoscope. It was indicative of early, developing pneumonia. He said that the drop in temperature, and then the rise again, also indicated it.

I don't suppose he could know for sure it was pneumonia until it became a full-blown case; but neither he nor we were interested in waiting to confirm his suspicions. Stuart's on antibiotics to kill the pneumonia, and the occasional albuterol if his breathing gets bad.

He's still coughing, although not badly. His fever has gone down to 99. It seems as if he might have kicked the Flu's heiney. And I should have resisted that, but didn't.

Our major concern at this point isn't Stuart: it's Phillip. As with any sickness, especially respiratory, babies are at a very high risk. At the very first indication of fever or trouble breathing, we're to take Phillip in. Meanwhile, the doctor said, the flu is primarily airborne, so keep the boys as far apart as possible. Not that I'm anxious about this, but the whole reason I'm not in bed yet is that I had to come out and put a hand on Phillip's head to make sure it wasn't hot.

My experience with the Flu is that it lasts absolutely forever and the fever is a little worrisome. (Only a little because Stuart's never got above 104.)

Granted, if your child very small (the doctor didn't seem worried about three-year-old Daphne) or has breathing problems, then you have a bit more to concern you. But is it a replay of the flu epidemic of 1918, which took, among others, three of my great-grandmother's children? No. So ratchet down your general anxiety level. The warning signs seem easy to spot -- persistent fever and wheezing -- and we live in a time of blessings and antibiotics. Take a deep breath.

Um, and don't forget to pray for little Pip.

-- SJ

Love, Sara

Dear Editor-in-Chief of Home Magazine's "Outdoor Living with Style":

Stop permitting your authors to use the adjectives "beautiful," "lovely," and "ideal." They make your pieces sound like a 19th century ladies' magazine, which I doubt is the image you're aiming for. Or so I judge from your picture on the back flap, in which your clothes are sophisticated, your smile knowing, and your eyes strong and assertive. Note that I didn't once call you beautiful or lovely; isn't that refreshing?

Love, Sara.

***
Dear Author of Home Magazine's "Outdoor Living with Style":

Does it bother you that you wrote this whole book and gathered all the photos, only to have the final published edition feature the editor's picture and bio on the back flap? Oh, wait, there's your bio, below hers. Good thing nobody cares what you look like, though.

Friendly tip: Don't send this woman a Christmas gift. She'll rewrap it and give it to her aunt.

Love, Sara.

***

Dear Walter John Williams,

I complained before about your books. I'm going to complain some more. I wish you'd explain things better so your readers actually know what you're talking about. As it is, we have to recite the Reader's Creed: "I believe in the author, creator of this story; and I believe his plot will work and his story is going where he says it is, even if that is hidden from my eyes. Amen."

It's not that I wish I hadn't read your books. I just wish you'd written them better.

Love, Sara.

***
Dear English Language,

I hate you. I hate having to shatter my smiling daughter's illusions that "capris" start with K and "ginger" starts with J. And let's not even discuss words spelled with "IE" or "EI." Why must you be this way?

Yours, Sara.

***
Dear English Language,

Well, okay, sometimes you're not so bad. Like tonight when we were eating lasagna. We concluded that Darren's didn't have to be suspicious that I've included something nutritious and ambitious.

Love, Sara.

***

Dear Flu, Lyme's disease, and Bell's Palsy,

Go away.

Sincerely, Sara.

Overheard at the Jones House

Doorbell rings.

"Addie, I think that's Brooke. Please tell her that we've got sickness in the house and can't play."

Addie: "Sorry, Brooke. We've got a flu invalid ["in-VALL-id"] so we can't come out."

***

Addie: "Oooh! I'm so tired!" [Collapses on the other end of the couch that Stuart has occupied for two days]

Darren: "I'm sorry. Do you think you'll live?"

Addie [being stoic and grown-up] "Yes. I'll be all right. Nobody's ever died of the flu!"

Darren and Sara: [Absolutely not touching that one.]

***

Daphne [all day long]: "I have a little tiny fever! I'm a little tiny sick! I need medicine! I have a tiny fever! I'm sick!"

Darren [5:00 pm]: "Daphne, you can't go outside today. You're sick."

Daphne: "I am NOT sick! I'm NOT SICK!"

***

I played a word game with Stuart and Addie tonight. We got it from Bookworm Adventures. The object is to guess the mystery word in five turns, with only the first letter provided. Stuart guessed my first word (HORSE) on his first turn. Addie had more trouble with DIMES, so I gently led her to the right conclusion, not wanting to flaunt my superior age and word skills.

Then they chose a word for me. Despite my best efforts, I went down in flames.

They'd chosen the word SIEGE.

-- SJ

Heed the Signs

Spotted by my sister while driving somewhere down home:
"YARD SELL"

"BOILED RAWFISH" (In their defense, the C fell off)

"BOILDED PEANUTS" (No defense, Your Honor)

Spotted by my mom:
NO SHIRT
NO SHOES
NO SWIMSUITS
NO SERVICE
"Darn! I forgot my swimsuit! I'll have to go somewhere else to get some pretzels and a Coke."

Spotted by me:
NO SHIRT
NO SHOES
NO SERVICE
NO PETS
I went into the store fully dressed and came out with a guinea pig!

(I collect bad signs like I do names. If you come across any particularly good bad signs, send me word.)

-- SJ

7 Quick Takes for October 16

For the Seven Quick Takes roundup.

1. A giant has passed. On Monday, Chris Klicka, the longest-serving attorney at home school legal Defense Association, passed away in Colorado after a 15 year battle with multiple sclerosis. I will miss him. I worked for him briefly nine years ago before I moved to the litigation department, and his passion for encouraging Christian parents to disciple their children was truly amazing. Of the tributes that I saw on the web, I think I liked this one best. "The era of Chris Klicka" - I like that.


2. Thanks to the generosity of the Morgan family on my birthday, I actually bought a brand-new hardcover book this week. This is rare for me; most of my books are paperbacks that I have picked up second (or third or fourth) hand at library book sales. The book is Prospero Lost by L. Jagi Lamplighter, the wife of one of my favorite bloggers, John C. Wright. I am thoroughly enjoying it -- I like the interaction between old mythology and modern technology.

3. When I was single and living at the Hall house, I was a regular at local high school volleyball games. In fact, when I went away for two months to study for the bar exam, the local volleyball team gave me a signed program saying that they would miss my cheering. (I would usually come home from a game with my throat hoarse.) In the last month, I have gotten to go to two local games, and I have brought Addie with me. It's great fun to hear her cheering loudly for the team, especially when we sit over in the visitor section and cheer for the home team.

4. This week at our homeschool co-op, the military history class I teach was on two battles that I entitled "The Defense of Christendom” -- the Battle of Tours in 732 and the Siege of Vienna in 1683. I am really having fun teaching this class. The boys are very good at asking questions and coming up with interesting solutions to the battles. Next week, we discuss Henry V at Agincourt and Joan of Arc at Orleans. I'm going to show them a clip from Kenneth Branagh's Henry V to show them what a cavalry charge looks like from the perspective of the poor infantry waiting to receive it. I first saw Henry V in a homeschool class that I had in high school, and it's still one of my favorite movies.

5. I always enjoy Gene Veith's blog posts, and I really liked the one he did today about a book burning of Bibles scheduled for Halloween - but done by a Baptist church in North Carolina! I remember running into a King-James-version-only advocate at a homeschool conference a few years ago, and it was a rather unnerving experience, since he was so intense and single-focused. With all the problems and issues of modern Christianity, I just can't get too excited about the alleged perils of the NIV.

6. When I was a senior in law school at Oak Brook, my senior paper was on the International Criminal Court, which didn't actually exist yet, since the Rome Treaty had not been ratified by enough countries. The conclusion of my paper: “It is obvious that the purpose behind the International Criminal Court is valid. Too many dictators and strongmen in the world today are not subject to any prosecution for crimes which are decried by all civilized humans. There is truly a gap in jurisdiction. Under natural law and revealed law, their actions are sinful and should be punished by the civil authorities.
But such a complex problem is not susceptible to easy solutions. The current Statute, while well-intentioned, is an attempted 'quick fix.' The serious attack on sovereignty and the lack of protection for criminal defendants show that the Statute is too problematic to fully address the problem.”

Now that the ICC is actually in existence, I have been in favor of many of its actions. However, it will be interesting to see whether the Court actually decides to get involved in the Israeli -- Palestinian conflict, should the UN Security Council determined that either Israel or Hamas has not sufficiently reviewed their actions in the recent Gaza war. After all, we know that this is a "classic blunder."

7. Last night on NPR, I heard about book that I think could be fascinating. It's called "Buy Ketchup in May, Fly at Noon." It's a book on the best time to do everything. Sounds like it's chock-full of great little trivia. Just my kind of book.

Have a great weekend!

--DJ

The Jones News Updates

<-------------- This little sidebar keeps a running update of new posts on Addie's and Stuart's blog. I think a couple of the posts are pretty funny. Okay, actually, I think it's all pretty cute, but you don't have to agree with me. But you should check it out just to make sure you don't agree.

-- SJ

The Private Diary of Bella Swan

I can't very well apologize to Twilight fans for writing this because I'm not sorry. But I do understand if you don't think it's as funny as I do.

***
Dear Diary,
Well, I did it. I knew that since my mom, Renee, got remarried, she wouldn't have time to pay enough attention to me. So I gave her space by moving out, not that she appreciated this noble action on my part. So anyway, I've moved in with my dad up here in Forks. Yeah, my dad -- the honest small-town sheriff who's still loyally in love with my mom who left him years ago, who graciously agreed to rearrange his whole life so I could come live with him for no good reason. I show my gratitude to him by referring to him by his first name and thinking he's a schmuck.

So I start school, and it's awful, of course. What can you expect from people who live in a town called "Forks"? In fact, "Forks" just sounds so provincial and comically stupid that me and Steph (my author) like mentioning it anytime we need to emphasize how hard I've got it here.

I get to class, and wouldn't you know it, some kids are friendly to me? Can't they see that I'm lonely and feel awkward? I sit with them at lunch, but man I've got it so hard! What a lonely, friendless world for poor Bella!

Dear Diary,
One reason my life is so hard is that Steph (my author) wrote in her character-outline of me that I'm clumsy. So she's always inserting examples of my clumsiness. They usually have no bearing on the actual story, so it just makes my miserable life even worse to have to endure random acts of clumsiness.

Dear Diary,
I saw him today. OMG, I saw him! It's him! HIM! He's so hot! So handsome! His hair! His eyes! And -- oh diary, the bliss -- HE OBVIOUSLY HATES ME! What more could I dream of???!!!1!!!

Dear Diary,
It's been a while since I wrote. That's because I don't have time for diaries anymore. I really don't have time for anything now except His Mr. Hotness, Edward! This is it, diary, the real thing. Love. I love him so passionately that I don't even care that he's undead! THAT'S how real and passionate this love is! And he loves me! Passionately! Also he wants to kill me and drink my blood, but I know he never will because our love is so real. And passionate.

So everything else in Forks is pretty stupid still, but me and Edward, we're so cool. Also I met this guy named Jacob. He's cool, too. He's got this secret that won't be revealed until Book 2, so it's just too bad for all the readers who figure it out by the middle of Book 1.

Dear Diary,
Oh, yeah, and there are these mean vampires after me, so I just run around and do stupid things until Edward saves me. But mostly what life is about is me and Edward being so cool. And passionate. Also, Edward is hot! Fascinating! His skin! His lips! His eyes!

Also what I love about Edward is that we have so much in common! I mean, he's like a hundred years old -- really -- but it's not like he's got all these sophisticated grown-up opinions and stuff. I mean, he could have spent a hundred years learning other cultures and studying other languages and stuff, but instead he hangs around American high schools and his only observation about music is that the 1970s had some good stuff. I can totally relate to him! How I wish we could be 17 together forever!

Dear Diary,
Me and Edward have had to part. And since we aren't boring stupid practical adults who would try to weather this separation by writing or calling -- no, we're WAY MORE PASSIONATE that that -- he's just vanished! I'm going catatonic for about four months so won't be writing for a while.

Dear Diary,
Well here I am back again. Can you believe these stupid Forks people let me hang around them like a zombie all this time? As if I WANT to be with them! And Charlie, my dad, the schmuck, is all worried that I don't have a life but what does he know about DESTINED LOVE AND SEARING LOSS?!?

Two good things, though: one is Jacob, who's pretty cool and gives me something to do other than angst over Edward. The other good thing is that I found out I can hear Edward's voice if I do stupid things like skydiving off cliffs. So that's what I do. I can just hear the schmucky adults saying, "Wouldn't a cell phone be safer?" Whatever. My life isn't about safety, it's about love.

Dear Diary,
I've learned Jacob's big secret, and how he's a mortal enemy of Edward's and all. Serious bummer. But Edward's back in the picture (okay, how was I supposed to know he'd be back?) and that pretty much eclipses everything else. His lips! His skin! His hair! His EYES! And he's so tender but strong and refuses to have sex with me, which I think is SO NOBLE and don't AT ALL question the ability of an undead being to have sex.

Dear Diary,
I can't tell this to anybody. Not even Edward. It's the darkest secret I've ever had. But I have to write it down. Diary, the fact is, I actually prefer Jacob. To put it bluntly, I love him best. But Steph (my author) is obsessed with Edward, so I'm stuck with him.

In fact, it depresses me so much that Steph lives vicariously through me that there's really not much point in continuing this story. Suffice to say that Edward and I continue our improbable relationship, which results in an impossible child, whom we name an unforgivable name, and we all live angstily, passionately, eternally ever after.

Bummer.
***

-- SJ

Bullseye!

Ha, pun not intended, seeing as there never was a bullseye rash that we ever saw. Nevertheless, Addie's initial lab reports came back "strongly positive" for Lyme disease, hence the Bell's Palsy that's still part of Addie's life.

Fortunately the doctors put her on amoxicillin immediately, so another twelve days of that should take care of the Lyme. We just have to wait for the palsy to disappear on its own.

We got as far as saying, "The doctor called and said you do have Lyme disease," before Addie burst into tears, wailing about solitary confinement, presumably to keep from setting off an epidemic that would destroy all human life on our planet. We settled back with our books and said, "When you're done mourning, we'll finish what we have to say." Eventually, she allowed herself to be comforted by the news that the antibiotic would fight off the disease, and also that she wasn't contagious. But when Stuart added that the disease was inside her body, she threw herself on the couch and wailed again.

Rejoice with Addie, for not only is she sick, but she's got a DISEASE inside her body!

And rejoice with us that we've got a cause and that the solution seems very straightforward.

-- SJ

First Love

Darren and I got some time alone today. Free from constant interruptions, Darren asked me kind of a deep question. It was:

"Do you remember your first crush?"

Oh, wait. What he asked was, "Do you remember which movie star was your first crush?" Which was more suited to Dairy Queen Blizzards anyway.

My first celebrity love wasn't even a person. He was a fox. Robin Hood was handsome, dashing, romantic, funny... ahh. Everything a girl wanted in a hero. I loved Robin Hood.

(Not Errol Flynn. Certainly not Kevin Costner.)

Darren's first crush was Elizabeth Shue from Karate Kid. He was in good company: I recall that my older sister had posters of Ralph Macchio on her wall.

So, assuming you were eating Dairy Queen Blizzards with us, what would you answer? Who was your first celebrity crush?

-- SJ

Twenty-Five by Forty - An Update

Last year I posted a list of 25 goals that I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 40. So, after a year, here's an update:

1. Read Dante’s Divine Comedy - not yet. I hope to start this one during the coming winter. Long winter evenings are good times to read!
2. Start learning Spanish - I tried doing this one by getting some materials out of the library, but ran into the same problem I found when I tried doing Latin II my first year of homeschooling - I need a teacher. I hope to do this one at my local community college in the next few years.
3. Take piano lessons for a year - no time, since I started taking Tae Kwan Do in the spring.
4. Learn how to bake bread from scratch - no, but I've gotten pretty proficient with the breadmaker :)
5. Go to a play - Yes! Sara and I went to see a presentation of "The Christmas Carol" at the local theater. I loved it! I so enjoy plays. Hopefully I'll get to see a presentation of "Pilgrim's Progress" in a month or so - my pastor's daughter is playing one of the characters.
6. Take kids to Disney World - no, but since our good friends the Shaws got back and gave tips on it, we've been thinking this one is actually doable. It may not happen in the next 4 years, though, because Phillip probably won't be old enough.
7. Memorize the seven penitential Psalms - done one (Psalm 6) and have started on another.
8. Witness to a non-Christian - no.
9. Make a deep friend - not a new one, but I've gotten back in touch with a number of people who I hadn't seen since the meltdown/explosion in our denomination a few years ago, and I'm scheduled to have supper with a couple of them who I was very close to, next month.
10. Take a retreat at Holy Cross Monastery - not yet. I need to see how Phillip mixes into the family routine before I try taking off for a day or two.
11. Read through the entire Bible in a year - started on October 1.
12. Read Sienkiewicz’s Polish trilogy - not yet, but I did read his "Teutonic Knights" and thoroughly enjoyed it again.
13. Write a good poem - babies and poetic inspiration don't mix in my world.
14. Teach a class on Church history - not yet, but I am getting to teach a class on Great Battles to the upper elementary class in our homeschool co-op. So far, we've done Ai, Thermopylae and Salamis, and Cannae and Zama. Next week is the Defense of Christendom - Tours and Vienna.
15. Go away for a weekend with Sara - we actually got away for a wonderful, fantastic, fabulous Friday and Saturday around Christmas, when our parents were here. Hurray!
16. Memorize the Lord’s Prayer and Apostles’ Creed in Latin - have started, but not completed yet.
17. Go to a performance of Durufle’s Requiem - no.
18. Get to a weight of 190 pounds - Hah.
19. Drive a PT cruiser - Yes! When Sara and I went out (see #15), we rented a Cruiser. It was okay, but I'm actually quite satisfied with my old Honda Civic.
20. Ride in a limousine - no.
21. Have 6 months worth of pay in savings account - Not. But the bank account is Much Healthier since Sara took over the budgeting in the spring. She's really good at it, and we're making progress in this direction.
22. Buy a nice fedora - no. And actually had to throw away the leather jacket that I'd worn for 9 years, because it was getting too many rips in it.
23. Learn to play guitar - I've started. It's hard work.
24. Get article published in Touchstone - no, and not a whole lot of inspiration for one. At least, not this late at night :)
25. Buy a good big seascape - no, but we have a beautiful painting of Harper's Ferry that we bought from a local artist for our anniversary. We love it!

And that's it. I am really looking forward to what the next 4 years bring!

--DAJ (I'm going to start putting all my initials now, because by the time I hit 40, DMJ is going to be blogging too, judging by her siblings' efforts)

Pretty Special Day

So I need to come up with a post for today.

It's Darren's birthday, which I suppose is pretty special. His parents think so, anyway. They're always going on about how he's such a good son and all, the way he calls them every Sunday and is always, never fails, available when they need help or advice. So, yeah, they think today's pretty special.

Well, okay, his kids think so, too. They're all crazy about him anyway, the way he plays with them and treats them with respect and answers their questions and rarely raises his voice at them. Pretty much they can't get enough of him. So a birthday of his is a big deal to them.

Actually, he's got a brother and a sister and lots of friends who've got this idea that he's pretty cool. They say he's easy to talk to and a good conversationalist and good at keeping in touch. They think today's all special because of him, too.

I guess I should just come out and say that I think today's pretty sparkly special, too. Thirty-six years ago was the beginning of a fairy-tale story -- the one that ends with me being happily ever after married to a man who fills my life with love and laughter (and the occasional opportunity to build character).

Yeah, today's a special day. I admit it. Happy birthday to Darren! Lots of people love you, but I love you best!

-- SJ

The Jones News

Stuart said he wanted to do a newspaper about our daily life. He also said he wanted to sell it and make lots of money. Not sure what I can do about the latter, but I did set up a blog to satisfy his reporting urge.

The Jones News

Take a look, if you've got a minute. It won't take long -- he may have grand ambitions, but it takes too much time to type them all out.

-- SJ

Seven Quick Takes Friday, October 10

Even if Conversion Diary isn't doing seven quick takes today, I thought I would.

1. For I think the first time in my life, I agree passionately with a stand that the National Organization for Women has taken. Except I’d go farther. Dave should be fired. Think about it. If a boss exhibited this type of behavior in any workplace that I have worked, he would be out so fast there would be skidmarks.

2. Now here is an interesting twist. Usually when I read stories about a noncustodial parent taking kids and fleeing to a foreign country, which then enforces its laws to deny access to the other spouse, it's the father who did the taking and fleeing. However, in this case, apparently Japan has a reputation for only allowing the mother to have custody, and even refusing to let the foreign ex-husbands visit the children.

3. Go Red Sox!

4. Good move, Miley. Maybe you can set a good example for millions of people who should do the same thing.

5. Question: “Will sequel equal original 'Phantom of the Opera' for Andrew Lloyd Webber?” Hmmm. Coney Island instead of Paris? Opening a year late? Answer: Nope. Not a chance.

6. I have been reading a book entitled The Deacon Reader recently. It's an excellent book, tracing the renewal of the Catholic diaconate after Vatican II. However, I picked it up to read last night before bed, and ran across this sentence: “In any virtue ethic, a person's character is formed by aligning one's actions with the moral truth so as to reflect one's inherent human dignity.” Which, as I told Sara, I agree with -- but it's a little too much to take at 10 o'clock at night. So I went and watched a movie instead.

7. This is a very odd story. Reminds me of the Helen MacInnes books I used to love reading in high school. Oh, who am I kidding? I still love to read them. The Cold War just made for better spy stories.

--DJ

Mostly for the Grandparents

I unearthed a couple of charming pictures of Phillip, who is currently going by the names Phillipy Dillipy, Pip, and Pipper.







And, Mom, here we are reading one of your essays together (printed on repurposed paper, in case you're wondering if I read music in my spare time).


-- SJ

Double Score!

So what we thought was Addie's sinus infection turns out to be "Bell's Palsy," a nerve infection following a viral infection. "Did she have a fever?" the nurse asked. "Well, yes," Darren said. "A low-grade one yesterday." And she complained of a headache a few times this week, but nothing that interfered with her normal function. Mostly all we noticed was that she fell asleep early two nights in a row.

Addie's an interesting study in contrasts. She's melodramatic and overstates any sort of cold or sickness (such as her painful disease). As far as actual pain is concerned, however, she has a surprisingly high tolerance level. This, folks, is the same child who was hospitalized as a baby because she was dehydrated. And why wasn't she eating? Because the long-running UTI she'd been suffering from, possibly for weeks, finally got to her enough for her to indicate she was hurting. Where Addie is concerned, we take complaints of pain seriously. Reports of deathly sickness, on the other hand, we usually ignore.

So, anyway, a round of steroids and antibiotics should keep the Bell's Palsy under control until it clears up... in two or three weeks, oh dear. She's getting tested for Lyme's just in case. Evidently it's not too serious but it's rather unsettling.

You may rest assured that Addie's going to milk this for all it's worth.

-- SJ

I Win

Addie woke up this morning with what we assume is a sinus infection: the left half of her face is slightly, but noticeably, swollen.

"I have a sinus infection!" she wailed.

Not to be outdone, Daphne pointed to her skinned knee and said, "I have a knee ache."

Stuart said, "Well, I have a cold sore, and that hurts the most."

Phillip (via Daddy) piped up: "Well, guys, mine is worst of all. Because last night I got PUT DOWN."

Yup, it's pretty grim around here this morning. Rejoice with Addie, though: normally of an iron constitution, she is mournfully, tragically delighted to be sick.

-- SJ

Saturday Evening Blog Post

Had fun picking out a post for this month's Saturday Evening Blog Post. Join in! Or don't, fine, be that way, but don't come crying to me that you don't have any friends.

-- SJ

Almost

Nine years ago, we got married. We're still congratulating each other on what a great idea that was.

How do you commemorate the ninth anniversary? Its major significance is that it's Almost Ten. I guess we'll just offer a few Almosts in honor of our ninth:

1. We're almost maxed out in love with each other. We'll revisit the question on our fifty-ninth and see if we've reached our saturation point yet.

2. We've almost got the baby-toddler thing figured out. (We had it totally conquered till we had another baby.)

3. We can almost always guess what the other would like to do.

4. I can almost beat Darren at Trivia.

5. Darren maybe one time was almost late for church.

6. When grocery shopping, Darren gets almost only what's on the list.

7. Now that we're operating on a budget, we're almost able to take that delayed honeymoon trip to England! Just seven years and $3,980 to go!

8. When I vent, Darren almost always remembers that I'm not asking for advice.

9. We love almost everything about each other.

Thanks to all of y'all who have wished us a happy anniversary. We're particularly remembering all our family friends who made it to our wedding nine years ago. That was a grand event, one we'll still be reminiscing about for a long time to come.

-- SJ and DJ

A Pictorial Assortment

Here are the family name plaques, arranged and lookin' good. The frames are all a mishmash of styles, but Phillip's stands out in the crowd. I'll probably buy another to match his and replace mine, which is falling apart.



Our neighbors were gone to Disney World for a whole week, so the kids were thrilled to see each other again. Here Evan and Daphne catch up over a good book:



Darren and his little clones.



I know, I know. How could a baby possibly be any cuter?



The first day of co-op! Note the joy and excitement in the air! Also the great black hole of sulkiness that was Stuart that day!
1st day


A picture I like, so y'all get to see it.



Now, the most disturbing thing about the following two pictures is that they were taken without my knowledge during the kids' regular "Quiet Play." I was asleep during this time. I wonder, what else goes on during this 45 minutes? Then I wonder, Isn't it just as well that I don't know?




So there you have it. Enjoy!

-- SJ

Glimpse

Last night, the little kids were in bed, the big kids were playing in the playroom, I was writing, Darren was reading on the couch, and Puddles the cat was in Darren's chair (which is why Darren was on the couch).

Last night nine years ago, we were gearing up for our wedding in two more days.

I wondered, What if myself of then could get a glimpse of what I was doing in nine years?

And I answered, Myself of then would be very happy to see that I had the life I always wanted.

-- SJ

Water, Chickens, and Holes to China

Several years ago, Darren's mom gave all three of her children the ultimate Christmas gift. She got a journal with questions like, "What was in fashion when you were a teenager" or "Describe your wedding to me." and filled it up to overflowing with memories, pictures, and life lessons. By "filled it up" I mean "it won't close properly." Darren's dad did much the same last Christmas, although characteristically his journal was less text-heavy and I don't think had any pictures in it. Those journals are probably two of our most valuable possessions.

This summer, my own mother got a laptop for the express purpose of writing down her growing-up memories for the kids and grandkids. I was expecting something along the same lines as my mother-in-law's journal. I don't know why, seeing as my two mothers are very different women.

Journal, shmournal. Mom's memories are essays, centering around random (but very Momish) topics like climbing trees, playing in the rain, catching minnows, and observing the change of seasons on the creekbank. Her essay on the trees of Southern Mississippi ran five pages, and at the end she listed seven more trees she didn't get around to mentioning.

She said I could post excerpts on the blog, so I'll be posting a few of my favorite bits periodically. The excerpts make for a longer post, so feel free to come back when you have time to relax and enjoy the read.

**Memories by Miss Mary**

From "The Branch in All Seasons" -- the "branch" being the smaller stream that flowed into the larger creek. The description here almost manages to describe how we all feel about the creek we grew up on. -- SJ

"But to the eye of imagination the Branch is a place of magic seen and heard. The very color of the water is magic, for it varies from gold to silver to black. It is gold in the shallow pools where minnows shoot back and forth over the sand, and black water bugs look like bumper cars as they set out for the opposite bank, leaving a v-shaped wake. On the deep, deep green leaf of a golden club plant, water is silver, and moves in round drops like quicksilver over the face of the leaf. The leaf never looks wet. Even the deeper little pools are magic: you dip a rolled-up leaf into a black pool and lift up wet light.

"... There is magic in the voices you can hear in the moving water. From a little distance you can hear conversation in what seem to be intelligible voices until you get right up to the fall or whirlpool and hear only water sounds. These changes in appearance and sound are magic and happen at the branch."


From "Hot Diggity," in which my mother and her brother decide to try to dig a hole to China before school started in September. -- SJ

"For the next day or two we made a morning's work of the digging, which began to take a horizontal turn: it is much easier to lift clay two feet than to lift it two feet, ten inches. Actually, our downward progress stopped about at the level of the clay. If our shaft was not vertical it did begin to have a lot of horizonitality. At this point it became evident to us that a summer wasn't enough time to reach China. But we had this really good tunnel which needed to go somewhere; it was so good that we escorted Mama and Daddy over that afternoon to look at it. They agreed that it was an unusual piece of work."

From "Chickens, Mostly"

"In South Mississippi of 1950... a car traveled not so much from place to place as from chicken flock to chicken flock. The natural habitat of rural chickens is the shoulder of the road; unless they are penned up, chickens mosey up and down beside the road, watching traffic, waiting for the Olympic moment.

"In days of fewer cars chicken life afforded less traffic than now, and the flock had to make the most of what there was. As a car approached the homestead, the chickens would keep moseying and scratching for bugs until what they deemed to be the last possible moment and then Flash! every chicken in the bunch tried to race across the road just in front of the car. Besides the unexpected sight of things flying across his path, the car driver heard a truly awful din as every hen and the rooster shrieked out fright or anger or exhilaration, whatever was floating their boats. I think maybe they kept score and got a high mark if a tail feather got tagged by the car bumper."

"... Chickens in particular seem to be stupid, and are, but they are individuals and can learn some things pretty well. There was a pullet that I played with and hand fed. She would follow me around the place, and give out contented sounding clucks when I picked her up. One summer, most of my toys were young pullets; they were not yet laying hens, so were not very big; in fact, they were just right for dressing in doll clothes, which is what I did with them. They looked like illustrations of the Little Red Hen when she is wearing her apron. I can't claim that the chickens enjoyed this game, but when I started catching four or five of them and tossing them into the empty corn crib where there dressing room was located, none ran. They didn't struggle much, either, which they could have done. I assume that they had learned to play."

-- SJ and MM

7 Quick Takes

It’s Friday, so I’m going to do a short blog post in the “7 Quick Takes” round-up. I guess it has more politics than normal for this blog, so you’re welcome to just skip it if you're not interested.

1. I found this article by George Will to be quite thought-provoking. I remember back when George W. Bush was pushing for a war with Iraq, after the invasion of Afghanistan. At the time, I thought it was a great idea, and I couldn't figure out why a lot of the older staff in the office opposed the idea. Apparently merely reading about Vietnam as history didn't give me the knowledge that their living through it did. and after reading the article, I have to say I agree with Will. What exactly is our goal in Afghanistan? And is it worth it?

2. One of the funniest videos I have seen online in a long time is this version of the "revised" Apostles Creed. Maybe I can get Father Tim to use this one at Phillip's baptism in a couple of weeks :-)

3. One of my responsibilities at work is assisting homeschoolers in getting benefits from the Social Security Administration. I am constantly amazed at the low level of service that SSA recipients receive. I have run into a few helpful SSA people, but the vast majority cannot understand the Administration's own policy even when it is explained to them, never answer telephone calls, and generally have the attitude that they are suspicious righteous gatekeepers trying to keep out the fraudulent hordes, not public servants trying to assist those in need. It does not give me great confidence in allowing the government to run the nation’s health insurance system.

4. I have been playing with a very fun new toy recently. It's called Planning Center Online, and I have found it very helpful. (Thanks Joel for showing it to me!) It incorporates in one program what I have been trying to use three programs (e-mail, Excel, and Access) to do. Besides which, it just looks cool :-) The worship leaders in our denomination in this local area are also starting to send around the songs that we are choosing to use every week. I really like finding out what other churches are doing to illustrate the same scripture readings that we are using.

5. Our church has been having prayer meetings on Thursday nights for the last year or so. Usually the other Deacon leads it, but he and his wife are on their 40th wedding anniversary Mediterranean cruise, so I got to lead it last night. Deacon Dave spends most of the time in spontaneous congregational prayer based on a Psalm, and we sing choruses from the 1970s or early 1980s. Last night, we used Evening Prayer from the Book of Common Prayer (Rite II, although I like Rite I better - why yes, I am a liturgical nerd. Why do you ask?). We sang hymns throughout, rather than choruses. As I told the people when we started, Deacon Dave and I are quite different in the way we do things :-) It went very well; one of the participants described as "uplifting." I hope so.

6. I wasn't one of those who went berserk over the idea of President Obama addressing America's schoolchildren at the beginning of school. However, teaching kids to sing songs in his praise, including the lyrics "red, yellow, black or white/All are equal in his sight" is going little too far in my opinion. Not that I'm blaming him for this; it obviously wasn't his idea. But doesn't that just seem a little weird to you? I certainly don't remember being taught songs in honor of President Reagan when I was in elementary school, even though the teachers were, I think, pretty much straight Republican. And to say, as the superintendent did, that “the recording and distribution of the songs was not authorized by the district” kind of misses the point, I think.

7. Matt Maher has a new album out called "Alive Again." I can't wait to get a copy of that. I really enjoy his music.

And that's it. Have a great weekend, everybody.

--DJ

Dinner Conversation

When Darren got home last night, I escaped to do some errands. He, the shining hero and saint, cooked supper and fed the kids. As they were eating, he opened conversation.

"So, Daphne, how was your day today?"

"I'm... a little fwustwated."

"Frustrated? Why?

"Because I did something bad."

"Oh. I see."

At this point, Addie chimed in.

"Which bad thing? Playing in Mama's makeup or talking with your mouth full, which you just did?"

"Addie," Darren said tiredly, "which one do you think?"

Addie said hopefully, "Both?"

-- SJ

Note: Daphne played in Mama's makeup TWICE yesterday. As I admonished her in my Mother Doom voice, she said tearfully, "Say it NICEWY!"

Can't Help Getting Dirty

This post would benefit from some polish and mending, but I wrote it quickly between feeding the baby and starting school.

It's been a while since I've posted anything of substance, so I thought I should probably write about sex.

While I've got your attention, here's a bit of backstory. I don't take many extended forays into pop culture. It's too exhausting. While everybody else watches a show, finishes the chips, and goes to bed, I sit in bed wide awake, processing and sifting. I can spend an entire night and most of the next day on one random episode of any random sitcom. Movies are even worse, which is why I limit my intake to about three a year. (Yes, JoshM. Three movies a YEAR.)

So when I do dip a foot into the rushing stream of pop culture, I'm usually a little shocked at what I find. I'm talking about sex, of course. More specifically, that scripts still cast no-sex-except-in-marriage people as villains. I thought people like that -- like me -- were pretty much obsolete in Pop Culture Land. I mean, conflict like that worked back when our parents were young because the older generation thought that way. But now OUR parents are the older generation, and they've been enlightened for years. Why is this issue even coming up? You might as well throw in all those people who still think women shouldn't vote.

Or maybe Pop Culture is still fighting this battle because: A) They're easy targets because nobody likes being told what to do; B) After a couple of generations of free and easy love, people know that it's neither free nor easy. But see A).

From what I can tell, there are two prevalent Pop Culture attitudes toward sex. The first is the old standby, that sex is bad and dirty and only bad teenagers do it. The second is the new enlightened view, that you can't HELP having sex so why fight it? Combine the two and no wonder people today find this a baffling, frustrating subject. You can't help having sex, and when you do it's dirty and bad, so welcome to damnation either way.

(Of course, babies never even enter into these discussions. If a pregnancy results because of bad dirty sex, then you're shamed. If it results because of animal instincts, then you're not responsible. Babies just don't factor in as a positive development. In fact, in most novels, couples can have sex with wild abandon without worrying about babies cluttering up the plot, leaving the naive to assume that all you need for birth control is deep, true passion.)

So I guess somebody's got to take the blame for such a twisted up thinking, and that's when these shadowy No Sex phantoms come in pretty handy.


-- SJ

(I'd write more, but my baby needs me.)

Pixar Poll Results

Of 39 votes:

Toy Story: 5 votes (12%)
Bug's Life: 1 vote (2%)
Toy Story 2: 1 vote (2%)
Monsters, Inc.: 6 votes (15%)
Finding Nemo: 2 votes (5%)
The Incredibles: 14 votes (35%)
Cars: 3 votes (7%)
Ratatouille: 2 votes (5%)
Wall-E: 3 votes (7%)
Up: 2 votes (5%)

The official results of my highly scientific poll indicate that the majority of people have good taste because they agree with me. Except I don't get the low rank of Toy Story 2, because that's the next-best. Honestly, people.

Thanks for playing!

-- SJ

A Downside

There's one problem with having a husband who's good in the kitchen.

He compliments you on the great hamburgers you made the other day -- "They were really excellent."

And you have to say, "Actually, you made those hamburgers, not me."

-- SJ

Daphneisms

Darren had said he would watch a video with Daphne, probably because she'd fluttered her blue eyes at him. So they sat together on the bed, Daphne with her feet draped over him. Darren tried to doze while Daphne chattered about the movie. Twenty minutes into it, Darren finally said, "Daphne. Stop talking. Just watch. Hush."

Two minutes passed. Then Daphne said a small voice, "Daddy...?"

"What, Daphne?"

"I just... wanted to say that you're so sweet." And fluttered her blue eyes at him.

***

Darren was driving. Daphne was talking. Actually, she was demanding that Darren turn left, although there wasn't anywhere he could do so. He said no, she said BUT SHE WANTED HIM TO! and Darren answered, "Daphne, that's irrelevant."

Daphne said emphatically, "I did not see an elephant!"

-- SJ

No More Free Rides

After this post, I'm turning off the Facebook feature that imports my posts as a Facebook "note." FB is selective about what it will import and messes up what little formatting I do. Besides, when you've got a cool blog look created personally by Kelly, why go with Facebook generic?

I'll alert the world when I update my blog, so you can keep up Keeping Up.

-- SJ

Your Opinion Counts

While all the rest of the nation commemorates 9/11 (apparently christened "Patriot Day," presumably because whoever named it couldn't come up with anything more generic; and although the memory of it isn't such a wrench after eight years, I still cried when I looked at pictures this morning)...

And while all the rest of the nation hotly debates healthcare (about which I have two vague ideas: something should be done about the insupportable expense of medical care, but why in the world do we think it should be done by the government, seeing as governments, historically speaking, haven't made a rousing success of running vast nationwide systems with efficiency and compassion)...

While all that's going on, I've created a poll that really matters. To me.

What's your favorite Pixar movie?

Vote on the poll over to the side (she says evasively, cleverly hiding the fact that she's not sure which side the automatic poll will show up on). In the comments, feel free to explain why you like the movie and what your favorite quotes are.

We haven't yet seen "Up," so I can't vote on it. I think I'd still vote for "The Incredibles" anyway. It stands up to numerous viewings. I know this, because the kids have been watching it every day for the past two weeks. Mostly I love the juxtaposition of superheroes and real life. Possibly I'm revealing more about myself than I want to, but I still daydream about saving the world in a spectacular way. (At least these escapades don't involve flying unicorns anymore.) It's hard to see yourself as a superhero when you've got four kids and minivan, so Helen Parr is my ideal.

Plus: I love a movie, albeit animated, where the husband and wife enjoy each other.

Plus: I never, ever get tired of watching the part where the Incredibles crash-land onto the interstate, and Bob and Helen immediately start arguing about which exit to take.

Plus: I love the line, "You sly dog! You got me monologuing!"

Plus: I love Edna Mode.

Second runner-up would be Toy Story 2.

Not even Honorable Mention would be "Bug's Life," which I found repulsive; and "Finding Nemo," which was tedious.

-- SJ

Cell Phones

This announcement video is hilarious.

Last Friday during lunch hour, I was attending the local Catholic church for Eucharistic Adoration, and a cell phone with a loud rap music ringtone went off just after we'd sung the opening hymn. Kind of ruins the mood. Surprised I didn't see the fireball :)

--DJ

Lover of Horses, Take Two

My sister Rose will find this very familiar.

Darren says I always do it this way.

I ask for help. I get all kind of suggestions. I gather them all up, read over them, think them through...

...and come up with a result completely different from what anybody suggested.

"No, really, you DID help!" I always protest. "Your suggestions were a springboard that helped me find what I was looking for. I wouldn't have gotten there without you."

So whether you believe me or not, I much appreciate your suggestions as to Phillip's name plaque. They helped me sort through the fuzz in my head until I came up with something that satisfied me. I printed and framed it tonight, and here it is:

Phillip
"Lover of Horses"
Horses are admired for their beauty, courage, and strength. How much more may you love their Creator.
Job 39:19-25

I'm very pleased to have it done. I'll hang it up with the rest of them this week. I'll try to remember to take a picture for y'all, especially if I manage to hang them straight this time.

-- SJ

Saturday Evening Blog Post

Choosing your favorite post of the month and inviting others to read it? Sounds good to me! Visit this site to participate.

-- SJ

Quote from Darren

"He's an action writer. Not much for characterization. I mean, he doesn't have characters like -- 'This one's the sensitive guy, and this one's the guy who's just likes to get things done.' It's more like, 'He's the guy who blows things up, and this one's the guy who likes using guns.'"

Darren during a book discussion last night. One of the innumerable reasons why I married this guy.

-- SJ

The Help

Sure, Nina's a great neighbor. She watches my kids and gives me chocolate. But even the nicest people can sometimes be, you know, thoughtless. I'm sure she didn't mean to make things hard for me, but that doesn't change the fact that it's her fault that:

1. I stayed up too late Monday night;
2. Missed my nap Tuesday afternoon;
3. Burned the red beans for supper Tuesday evening.
4. Stayed up too late last night, meaning I was running on low sleep all day today.

All because Nina was optimistic enough, and inconsiderate enough, to send Mollie over Monday night to deliver a book she'd just finished.

"The Help" by Kathryn Stockett is set in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s. Normally that alone would make me as willing to pick up the book as I would a cockroach. As the author herself says, "The rash of negative accounts about Mississippi, in the movies, in the papers, on television, have made us natives a wary, defensive bunch. We are full of pride and shame, but mostly pride." Because she herself grew up in Jackson, although not in the sixties, I gave the book a try -- warily and defensively.

The gist of the story, which is fiction, is that a young white woman, with a diploma fresh from Ole Miss, wants to interview the black women who work for the upper society families. Some of the maids finally agree, but only with the promise of strict secrecy. They're afraid of what will happen if it gets out what they're doing. This is set during the years of the KKK, enforced segregation, and pervasive prejudice and anger. These were bad years in Mississippi. But things did change, and this book suggests how some of that change came about.

Stockett's writing is light and quick, and her characters are more than the run-of-the-mill rent-a-Southerner. I smiled at her turn of phrase many times. I do wonder, if I hadn't been away from Mississippi for nearly ten years, if I could distance myself from the characters in this book as easily. Then again, where I grew up, Jackson was a major urban center. Rich society women involved in bridge clubs and Junior League meetings figured about as largely in my childhood as women in saris.

There was a lot I liked about this book. I read it in a day, drooping eyelids and the smell of burned beans notwithstanding.

Can't believe you'd do this to me, Nina.

-- SJ

Lover of Horses

Help me out here.

For each member of the family, I've framed a name plaque to hang on our wall: name, meaning, amplified meaning, Scripture verse. As in:

Daphne
"Laurel"
As champions won laurels for their victories,
so God will reward you as you serve Him faithfully.
1 Cor. 9:24-25

It's time to include Phillip's name. But I've put it off because of the name meaning. How the heck can you spiritualize "Lover of Horses"?

Any ideas and Scripture references are welcome.

-- SJ