I was talking with a young teen recently about her deep, passionate love for all five of the members of the boy band One Direction. She was making up a story, she said, based on one of the boys. Apparently he is in love with another famous singer, but he dies, and she has to carry on. She forces herself to perform despite her pain, and one night at a concert, she sees his ghost.
Teen girls throughout the ages swoon.
It got me thinking. I never went in for celebrity crushes, but I certainly had a sizable roster of imaginary boyfriends, mostly from the stories I wrote. They were all good-looking, considerate, and witty. Oh, and alive.
Love stories that involve death simply don't thrill me. I don't listen to sad songs, I don't read sad stories. When a friend told me that she thought it was tragic and romantic to fling herself off a cliff into the ocean for the sake of lost love, I laughed.When I read about a girl caught in a love triangle between an undead vampire and a virile werewolf, I thought, "Honey, go for the warm body!" When it comes to tragic love, I'm all Elinor Dashwood, not Marianne.
I don't mean to say I didn't have laughable ideas about romance. I was into the idea of understated romantic tension. Lifelong love and passion? Absolutely! But I preferred my heroes to declare themselves with a grin and an offhand comment rather than an impassioned monologue in a rainstorm. I took the idea to the point that, at about age nineteen, I thought it would be the essence of understated passion for me to exchange vows with a man who would then kiss my hand. Four years later, when my father-in-law pronounced us man and wife, Darren had already informed me that he was not settling for my fingers.
All this to say... I'm not really sure what. Just that romances that involve death or ghosts don't make me puddle up into beautiful, satisfied tears. If he's going to kiss her hand, she had darn well better be able to feel it.
-- SJ
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Monday, December 10, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Choose One
1. Aliens kidnapped me.
2. I'm secretly a superhero, and crime has been soaring in my neighborhood for the past several months.
3. I've been too busy growing my own wheat and milking my own cow so my children can have naturally-sourced, organic toast and butter every morning.
4. Sewing your own bedsheets, curtains, and bath towels takes time and energy.
5. Just taking a little break from here to teach my kids advanced chemical diagramming!
6. I've been writing a novel and have no interest in doing anything else, including breathing.
One of these statements is true, and that's why the blog has been neglected for so long. However, those dear and close to me are lovingly compelling me to return to the world where everybody else lives. Unforutnately, this will mean a lot of re-runs on the blog: I plan to go through Facebook and pull out a lot of my bloggy status updates and add them here for archiving purposes. But that's better than a dead blog, right? Right.
So. *blink blink* This is what y'all's world looks like, huh? I vaguely remember it. Sure is good to be back! As soon as I finish harvesting this wheat/sewing this seam/defending the innocent/writing this dialogue.
-- SJ
2. I'm secretly a superhero, and crime has been soaring in my neighborhood for the past several months.
3. I've been too busy growing my own wheat and milking my own cow so my children can have naturally-sourced, organic toast and butter every morning.
4. Sewing your own bedsheets, curtains, and bath towels takes time and energy.
5. Just taking a little break from here to teach my kids advanced chemical diagramming!
6. I've been writing a novel and have no interest in doing anything else, including breathing.
One of these statements is true, and that's why the blog has been neglected for so long. However, those dear and close to me are lovingly compelling me to return to the world where everybody else lives. Unforutnately, this will mean a lot of re-runs on the blog: I plan to go through Facebook and pull out a lot of my bloggy status updates and add them here for archiving purposes. But that's better than a dead blog, right? Right.
So. *blink blink* This is what y'all's world looks like, huh? I vaguely remember it. Sure is good to be back! As soon as I finish harvesting this wheat/sewing this seam/defending the innocent/writing this dialogue.
-- SJ
Monday, August 06, 2012
Getaway and Zip (with Pictures)
Ziplining is fun.
Climbing up ladders and waiting for your turn to go is less fun, but a couple of personable guides and great views of the Shenandoah River help pass the time. Also, pretending to be in an Ewok tree village.
You're always tethered to something, so you're not going to fall. There's nothing to worry about. So when you're standing on a 4x4-foot platform looking down at the tops of the trees, and there's no way off except by a cable that ends somewhere out of sight, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Who was worried?
Deidre and I went with River Riders in Harper's Ferry. It was definitely more fun going with a friend. The guides went over safety rules with us, then asked which of our group of seven would sign the form attesting that, yes, we'd heard the safety rules. I signed it, at which point they announced, "Congratulations! By signing this form, you've also adopted our newest guide!" As another explained, "River Riders has a deal with the local orphanage. Every time you pay for a Canopy Tour package, you get a new child!" But I left him there after all. He told very bad West Virginia jokes.
The rest of my weekend was all mine, and all good. On Sunday, I spent eight hours writing. And let me tell you, two hours stuck in the house with fractious kids lasts a whole lot longer than eight hours spent in wordcraft. The only break I took from writing was when I drove Addi to 4H camp, and that didn't take a whole lot out of my day because she dismissed me as soon as she was settled on her top bunk.
I can't say I was rarin' to get back home, but this morning I did play tea party with Daphne and read an Encyclopedia Brown story aloud to Stuart. So I must have recharged a little. And maybe I was feeling a lack of Darren.
But I figure I could stand a few more weekends like this in my life.
(The following pictures are all blurry because the guide's camera was on the wrong setting. On the upside, we got them free.)
The actual moments that you're flying down the cable are pure heaven. It goes by so fast, though. It really made me wish I could do that scene in the novel Divergent, where they zipline off what used to be Chicago's Sears Tower. Maybe my next weekend alone.
-- SJ
Climbing up ladders and waiting for your turn to go is less fun, but a couple of personable guides and great views of the Shenandoah River help pass the time. Also, pretending to be in an Ewok tree village.
You're always tethered to something, so you're not going to fall. There's nothing to worry about. So when you're standing on a 4x4-foot platform looking down at the tops of the trees, and there's no way off except by a cable that ends somewhere out of sight, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Who was worried?
Deidre and I went with River Riders in Harper's Ferry. It was definitely more fun going with a friend. The guides went over safety rules with us, then asked which of our group of seven would sign the form attesting that, yes, we'd heard the safety rules. I signed it, at which point they announced, "Congratulations! By signing this form, you've also adopted our newest guide!" As another explained, "River Riders has a deal with the local orphanage. Every time you pay for a Canopy Tour package, you get a new child!" But I left him there after all. He told very bad West Virginia jokes.
The rest of my weekend was all mine, and all good. On Sunday, I spent eight hours writing. And let me tell you, two hours stuck in the house with fractious kids lasts a whole lot longer than eight hours spent in wordcraft. The only break I took from writing was when I drove Addi to 4H camp, and that didn't take a whole lot out of my day because she dismissed me as soon as she was settled on her top bunk.
I can't say I was rarin' to get back home, but this morning I did play tea party with Daphne and read an Encyclopedia Brown story aloud to Stuart. So I must have recharged a little. And maybe I was feeling a lack of Darren.
But I figure I could stand a few more weekends like this in my life.
(The following pictures are all blurry because the guide's camera was on the wrong setting. On the upside, we got them free.)
 | |
| Deidre (the grin wearing the Battlestar Gallactica shirt on the far left) and I (wearing the green shirt) pose with our group before setting out. |
 |
| I hated the helmet. My hair afterward was beyond Medusa Hair. Deige's looked just fine, not that I noticed. |
 |
| This is the point where I felt Darren freaking out in spirit. But I was absolutely fine. P.S. Dear Deidre, good call not to jump up and down on the bridge. Our friendship would have ended twenty feet in the air. |
 |
| Here we are, with Maryland, West Virginia, and Virginia in view behind us. |
 |
| Yes, Doofenshmirtz fans, that's right: It was THE TRI-STATE AREA! |
 |
| Deige goes flying. |
 | ||||
| See the trees, how high up we are? See how the picture is taken from a HIGHER spot? Yes, we're one level down from where we actually zipped. |
The actual moments that you're flying down the cable are pure heaven. It goes by so fast, though. It really made me wish I could do that scene in the novel Divergent, where they zipline off what used to be Chicago's Sears Tower. Maybe my next weekend alone.
-- SJ
Monday, July 23, 2012
Escape!
Darren, being a husband far above rubies and liberally decorated with gold stars, has helped me arrange a weekend getaway for myself in August.
(By "helped me arrange," I mean "agreed to keep the kids." The rest is pleasant work on my part.)
I've got a pretty full schedule for that weekend. There's so much I want to get to, that I simply can't do on a daily basis. So far, the lineup looks like this:
1. Write
2. Sleep late
3. Not worry about anybody's meals except my own
4. Write
5. Not clean anything up
6. Not listen to any conversations I don't want to hear
7. Write
8. Sit beside the river and look at the clouds
9. Sit beside the river in the moonlight
10. Write
11. Go ziplining with Deidre
12. Finish a story
Yeah, obviously I'm striking out into new horizons here... finishing a story! Seriously!
Oh, right, and that ziplining thing. I read about it in the airplane magazine last month when flying down to Mississippi, and thought it sounded fun. I've always wanted to fly. When we drove past this place recently, I exclaimed to Darren, "Look! A zipline! Wouldn't that be the coolest thing?"
Profound silence from his side of the van. His sense of adventure was being strangled by his intense dislike of heights. Okay, fine. I called Deidre instead.
I will, of course, blog about the experience. I mean, if I can fit it into my schedule.
-- SJ
(By "helped me arrange," I mean "agreed to keep the kids." The rest is pleasant work on my part.)
I've got a pretty full schedule for that weekend. There's so much I want to get to, that I simply can't do on a daily basis. So far, the lineup looks like this:
1. Write
2. Sleep late
3. Not worry about anybody's meals except my own
4. Write
5. Not clean anything up
6. Not listen to any conversations I don't want to hear
7. Write
8. Sit beside the river and look at the clouds
9. Sit beside the river in the moonlight
10. Write
11. Go ziplining with Deidre
12. Finish a story
Yeah, obviously I'm striking out into new horizons here... finishing a story! Seriously!
Oh, right, and that ziplining thing. I read about it in the airplane magazine last month when flying down to Mississippi, and thought it sounded fun. I've always wanted to fly. When we drove past this place recently, I exclaimed to Darren, "Look! A zipline! Wouldn't that be the coolest thing?"
Profound silence from his side of the van. His sense of adventure was being strangled by his intense dislike of heights. Okay, fine. I called Deidre instead.
I will, of course, blog about the experience. I mean, if I can fit it into my schedule.
-- SJ
Monday, July 16, 2012
Excerpt from an Owner's Manual
Congratulations on your new purchase! At Intelligent Design
Studios ™*, our goal is to create the
very best in life products.
Your Female Human Body has been designed and tested over
many years to reach optimum performance. The following information will assist
you in maintaining and enjoying your Body.
The FHB is uniquely suited to long-term survival. Its compact size compared to the Male Human Body model means it requires less food and resources to function. Historically, this single feature has ensured more consistent longevity.
In addition, the FHB features an automatic Resources
Conservation Mode. This mode kicks in anytime the FHB loses mass or has access
to less food. When in conservation mode, the Body retains water and energy resources
to prevent starvation and death. (Note: this is sometimes the default mode: see
Reproduction.)
Reproduction: The most outstanding feature of
the FHB, as compared to the MHB, is its ability to build, produce, and maintain
Baby Human Bodies of both types. During the Reproduction phase, the FHB requires
special resources and maintenance. The
FHB also functions in Resources Conservation Mode until BHB can produce its own
resources for survival.
Troubleshooting: The FHB has been known to resist switching
out of the Resource Conservation Mode, even when the owner has no need for the
extra resources being stored. It is possible to send the Body back to the lab for surgical restructuring, but many owners find the cost prohibitive. For a more budget-friendly solution, we
recommend eating less and exercising more. That works, assuming anything does.
The MHB does not have a problem switching out of Resource
Conservation Mode. Owners of the FHB may find this difference in design
frustrating. We at Intelligent Design Studios ™ understand and are working on
it. Meanwhile, rest secure in the knowledge that if there is an apocalypse, the
FHB is the one you want to have on hand.
Thank you for choosing IDS™
** The author is making no statement about her beliefs regarding the origin of life. She is just trying to be funny.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
The Sorting Hat
Addi just turned 11. What she really wanted was an acceptance letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, asking her to report to Platform 9 3/4 at the end of summer to go to school. Next best to that, though, was a Harry Potter party.
(Planning any kind of event absolutely paralyzes me. My kids are lucky that I'm friends with Deidre, who makes most of our parties happen.)
We just got a new camera, which means I have pictures of the wand-decorating, the cake and butterbeer, and yes, the Quidditch game. But first, I figured you'd want to know which of the four Hogwarts Houses you'd be sorted into, right?
(Also lucky for me, Deidre took many Teen Magazine quizzes in her youth, so this arrived through email last weekend.)
As a bonus, there are some extra acceptance letters to each House. (Lucky for me, Deidre...) So if you post your result in the comments, I'll send you your letter. But not by owl.
The Sorting Hat Quiz
Welcome to Hogwarts! You will now be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your common room.
The four houses are called Gryfiindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn you house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.
Please choose the answer that best applies to you.
1. You’re in the dungeon for a test in your potions course. You notice that one of the students is cheating by looking over your work.
A. You bravely lean over and tell him to stop cheating.
B. It is one of your fellow housemates after all. You wait till the end of class and tell him you saw what he did and give him a chance to change.
C. You cast a spell that puts him in a bubble that everyone can see into but He can’t see out of so the cheating ceases.
D. You don’t want the teacher to think you’re helping him cheat. You write a note exposing the cheater and fly it to your teacher’s desk.
2. It’s Quidditch season again! To tryout or not to tryout, that is the the question.
A. You go for it! No plans or hesitation, just full steam ahead!
B. You ask some of the veteran quidditch players to help you train everyday till the tryouts.
C. The more you think about it, you’d rather invent your own wizarding game and get it approved by the school.
D. You shrewdly plan to be practicing your impressive quidditch skills the afternoons that you know the coaches will be around the field. You know if they see your moves and dedication you’ll guarantee your spot.
3. Professor Sprout gives you a herbology assignment and says that you can pick anyone you want for your partner.
A. You ask the kid next to you who you’ve seen struggling in the class.
B. You wait till the end and approach the one girl that no one chose.
C. You create a chart with pluses and minuses of your top three choices to help you decide.
D. You offer the best student in the class a chocolate frog and as he’s eating it, you suggest you two partner up.
4. A wealthy relative has sent you some wizard gold for your birthday.
A. You buy some robes for your poor friend who has to wear hand-me-downs and spend the rest on a feast of good foods for the two of you.
B. You hire a tutor to help you in the classes you’ve not been doing so well in.
C. You spend some now and save the rest in your account at Gringots.
D. You donate some to The Society For The Preservation of True Bloods and the rest on a new cauldron.
5. Because of a special trust issued to Hogwarts, each member on your quidditch team gets to pick out a brand new broom stick.
A. You’re not afraid of a new challenge. So you pick the fastest model available.
B. You suggest that everyone chose the same model so the games will be fair.
C. You choose the base model and tweak it a bit to make it perfect for you.
D. You research the models available before choosing, so you can be sure you’ll win your next match.
6. There is a new movement to liberate the house elves.
A. Join forces!
B. Organize a counter organization. Your loyalties lie with the wizards.
C. You create your own secret movement to help the house elves.
D. You use your personal house elf to keep you informed of what the organization is doing.
Add up all the A, B, C and D answers. Whichever you have the most of is your new house!
A. Gryffindor
B. Hufflepuff
C. Ravenclaw
D. Slytherin
(Planning any kind of event absolutely paralyzes me. My kids are lucky that I'm friends with Deidre, who makes most of our parties happen.)
We just got a new camera, which means I have pictures of the wand-decorating, the cake and butterbeer, and yes, the Quidditch game. But first, I figured you'd want to know which of the four Hogwarts Houses you'd be sorted into, right?
(Also lucky for me, Deidre took many Teen Magazine quizzes in her youth, so this arrived through email last weekend.)
As a bonus, there are some extra acceptance letters to each House. (Lucky for me, Deidre...) So if you post your result in the comments, I'll send you your letter. But not by owl.
The Sorting Hat Quiz
Welcome to Hogwarts! You will now be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your common room.
The four houses are called Gryfiindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn you house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.
Please choose the answer that best applies to you.
1. You’re in the dungeon for a test in your potions course. You notice that one of the students is cheating by looking over your work.
A. You bravely lean over and tell him to stop cheating.
B. It is one of your fellow housemates after all. You wait till the end of class and tell him you saw what he did and give him a chance to change.
C. You cast a spell that puts him in a bubble that everyone can see into but He can’t see out of so the cheating ceases.
D. You don’t want the teacher to think you’re helping him cheat. You write a note exposing the cheater and fly it to your teacher’s desk.
2. It’s Quidditch season again! To tryout or not to tryout, that is the the question.
A. You go for it! No plans or hesitation, just full steam ahead!
B. You ask some of the veteran quidditch players to help you train everyday till the tryouts.
C. The more you think about it, you’d rather invent your own wizarding game and get it approved by the school.
D. You shrewdly plan to be practicing your impressive quidditch skills the afternoons that you know the coaches will be around the field. You know if they see your moves and dedication you’ll guarantee your spot.
3. Professor Sprout gives you a herbology assignment and says that you can pick anyone you want for your partner.
A. You ask the kid next to you who you’ve seen struggling in the class.
B. You wait till the end and approach the one girl that no one chose.
C. You create a chart with pluses and minuses of your top three choices to help you decide.
D. You offer the best student in the class a chocolate frog and as he’s eating it, you suggest you two partner up.
4. A wealthy relative has sent you some wizard gold for your birthday.
A. You buy some robes for your poor friend who has to wear hand-me-downs and spend the rest on a feast of good foods for the two of you.
B. You hire a tutor to help you in the classes you’ve not been doing so well in.
C. You spend some now and save the rest in your account at Gringots.
D. You donate some to The Society For The Preservation of True Bloods and the rest on a new cauldron.
5. Because of a special trust issued to Hogwarts, each member on your quidditch team gets to pick out a brand new broom stick.
A. You’re not afraid of a new challenge. So you pick the fastest model available.
B. You suggest that everyone chose the same model so the games will be fair.
C. You choose the base model and tweak it a bit to make it perfect for you.
D. You research the models available before choosing, so you can be sure you’ll win your next match.
6. There is a new movement to liberate the house elves.
A. Join forces!
B. Organize a counter organization. Your loyalties lie with the wizards.
C. You create your own secret movement to help the house elves.
D. You use your personal house elf to keep you informed of what the organization is doing.
Add up all the A, B, C and D answers. Whichever you have the most of is your new house!
A. Gryffindor
B. Hufflepuff
C. Ravenclaw
D. Slytherin
Sunday, July 01, 2012
Happy Birthday Poem
My mother's birthday was yesterday, so I wrote her a poem.
I'm kind of embarrassed to post it, though. I set out to compose an ode in the grand tradition of my family, which generally contains lines like:
I'm sure glad you're my mother
Because you wouldn't be if I'd been born to another.
But I completely lost my head and ended up with something that:
1. Has no meter or rhyme
2. Is kind of a serious effort
My apologies, Mom. I'll try not to work as hard on it next year. Hope this entertains you meanwhile.
Answer:
Yes!
I love you, Mom! Happy Birthday!
-- SJ
I'm kind of embarrassed to post it, though. I set out to compose an ode in the grand tradition of my family, which generally contains lines like:
I'm sure glad you're my mother
Because you wouldn't be if I'd been born to another.
But I completely lost my head and ended up with something that:
1. Has no meter or rhyme
2. Is kind of a serious effort
My apologies, Mom. I'll try not to work as hard on it next year. Hope this entertains you meanwhile.
An Ideal Mother
Question:
When you were growing up,
Did your mother bake
cookies?
Did she take you to a salon for a mother-daughter “spa day”?
Did she plan fun, creative activities for you?
Lucky! You must have had an ideal mother.Answer:
Yes!
She baked cookies!
Only, it wasn’t
cookies, it was food. Cooked from scratch, every day. Rice and gravy, barbecue
chicken, potato salad (served warm!), red beans and rice, field peas and
butterbeans, pork chops, corn on the cob, meatloaf. Cookies? Pfft, she just
bought those.
She took me to a salon for a mother-daughter “spa day”!
Except not really to a
salon so much. She didn’t care much about facials and manicures. Planting
roses, chopping wood, and refinishing furniture does a number on painted
fingernails. No, we left the Scrabble game set up all the time and played a
lot. And she gave me books that she’d really liked. And we sat together and
talked a lot. Spa days? That would have interfered with our visiting.
She planned fun and creative activities for me!
Or, rather, she left me
alone to read, play the computer, ride my bike, swim in the creek, make up
stories. That was fun. When I told her about what I was thinking of, she had
lots of ideas and suggestions and laughed at my jokes. That helped me be
creative. She was always there when I needed her, and not in the way when I
needed time to myself. Plan my
activities? Where’s the fun in that?
Why, yes, I did have an ideal mother.
Thanks for noticing.
I love you, Mom! Happy Birthday!
-- SJ
Friday, March 09, 2012
Mundania 35
I've been using Blog2Print to compile the last seven years of our life in book form. The program is a little tedious to work with -- especially the photos on the front cover; apparently you can't choose "blank." But for the most part, I'm very pleased with how the books turned out. I ordered the soft cover, black-and-white pages, and it looks really good. Even the photos came out nicely. The most I've spent on one book is $45, and I consider it entirely worth the money to have my blog resting safely in my hands.
***
It's been happening so gradually that I didn't notice it for a while. In fact, a few years ago, I was sure it would never, ever happen to us. But it has: my kids are getting really big. We ran out of seating in our living room.
The Old Couch, which we "stored" for the Hall Family for, oh, ten years. It was a great couch.
The "New" Couch, which we got from Salvation Army in September. It was comfortable and looked nice, in a too-small kind of way.
So Darren and I took the plunge and bought a brand-new spiffy reclining sectional couch. All kids can fit on it. They were so thrilled that it took fully seventeen minutes before they started bickering about who was touching whom.
The Brand-New Couch, delivered this morning. THIS is room for the whole family! Good thing we don't need too much living room at the same time. Okay, okay, I know you want to linger here and gaze at the couch, the new curtains, and the fresher wall color. But let's move on.
***
My mother-in-law is the patient recipient of daily phone calls from Daphne. She's a good sport, playing along with Daphne's favorite "kitty" game. This morning, however, she decided to try her hand at taking the lead in pretending:
"How about Nana Kitty and Daphne Kitty have a race to the slide?" Nana suggested. "Okay, we're running now!" (Nana made "bumpa bumpa" noises with her voice. Daphne, on the other hand, loudly whapped a book to simulate HER stride.) "We're almost there! Nearly there! Oh! And Daphne Kitty wins!"
"Yay!" said Daphne. "I won!"
"Good job! You beat Nana Kitty by about four steps."
"Yes!" Daphne agreed. "And I was only running on three legs!"
***
Daphne currently has a crush on the moon. (Or, I should say, it's a phase she's going through...) She was looking through a calendar that gave moon phases, and now chatters about crescents and gibbous and full moons. Somewhere along the line she discovered the concept of a Blue Moon, that is, two full moons in one month. Furthermore, the next Blue Moon is in August, her birthmonth. And in 2018, there will be two Blue Moons in the year! I don't think I'm communicating the depth of excitement and fascination going on here. Suffice to say that after a day's conversation with Daphne, this song is running a path through my head:
***
According to Addi: Since a new moon is the opposite of a blue moon, then two new moons in one month should be called an Orange Moon.
***
Stuart has joined cub scouts. He's taken to it as if it's been the desire of his heart ever since, I don't know, birth. His Webelos II troop has just formed patrols. He came home and said that their patrol name is The Dancing Bananas. He wasn't thrilled with the choice, but if he'd been in charge, he'd have probably named it The Protoss Zerglings of Terran. That's from Starcraft, for the 98% of the population who doesn't know that. At least most people have some idea of what a Dancing Banana would look like.
***
Stuart doesn't like it when we say he likes Starfall instead of Starcraft.
-- SJ
***
It's been happening so gradually that I didn't notice it for a while. In fact, a few years ago, I was sure it would never, ever happen to us. But it has: my kids are getting really big. We ran out of seating in our living room.
The Old Couch, which we "stored" for the Hall Family for, oh, ten years. It was a great couch.
The "New" Couch, which we got from Salvation Army in September. It was comfortable and looked nice, in a too-small kind of way.So Darren and I took the plunge and bought a brand-new spiffy reclining sectional couch. All kids can fit on it. They were so thrilled that it took fully seventeen minutes before they started bickering about who was touching whom.
The Brand-New Couch, delivered this morning. THIS is room for the whole family! Good thing we don't need too much living room at the same time. Okay, okay, I know you want to linger here and gaze at the couch, the new curtains, and the fresher wall color. But let's move on.***
My mother-in-law is the patient recipient of daily phone calls from Daphne. She's a good sport, playing along with Daphne's favorite "kitty" game. This morning, however, she decided to try her hand at taking the lead in pretending:
"How about Nana Kitty and Daphne Kitty have a race to the slide?" Nana suggested. "Okay, we're running now!" (Nana made "bumpa bumpa" noises with her voice. Daphne, on the other hand, loudly whapped a book to simulate HER stride.) "We're almost there! Nearly there! Oh! And Daphne Kitty wins!"
"Yay!" said Daphne. "I won!"
"Good job! You beat Nana Kitty by about four steps."
"Yes!" Daphne agreed. "And I was only running on three legs!"
***
Daphne currently has a crush on the moon. (Or, I should say, it's a phase she's going through...) She was looking through a calendar that gave moon phases, and now chatters about crescents and gibbous and full moons. Somewhere along the line she discovered the concept of a Blue Moon, that is, two full moons in one month. Furthermore, the next Blue Moon is in August, her birthmonth. And in 2018, there will be two Blue Moons in the year! I don't think I'm communicating the depth of excitement and fascination going on here. Suffice to say that after a day's conversation with Daphne, this song is running a path through my head:
***
According to Addi: Since a new moon is the opposite of a blue moon, then two new moons in one month should be called an Orange Moon.
***
Stuart has joined cub scouts. He's taken to it as if it's been the desire of his heart ever since, I don't know, birth. His Webelos II troop has just formed patrols. He came home and said that their patrol name is The Dancing Bananas. He wasn't thrilled with the choice, but if he'd been in charge, he'd have probably named it The Protoss Zerglings of Terran. That's from Starcraft, for the 98% of the population who doesn't know that. At least most people have some idea of what a Dancing Banana would look like.
***
Stuart doesn't like it when we say he likes Starfall instead of Starcraft.
-- SJ
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Birth Story Haikus
If you read the subject title three or four times, thinking, "Whaaa...?!" while your flight instinct kicks in, probably this doesn't qualify as "fun" for you. You may be excused.
As a mother, I am interested in others' birth stories, and I like telling mine. I can't help it. Giving birth was an event that changed me and introduced me to a brand-new person... on four different occasions. You just don't shrug something like that off.
As a writer, I'm all for well-edited stories. Birth stories can go on entirely too long, with entirely too much detail. There's also no natural stopping place: once you've finished the first birth story, you can't help but move to the second. And third. And beyond.
Conversion Diary offers a balance between the mother and the writer: birth stories in haiku. (Syllable count is 5-7-5, if you need reminding.) This way you can capture the highlights of each birth and still have friends after you're done.
Here are my four. Possibly too much information for some, but I did try to keep it readable:
Baby #1
Married for nine months.
First labor’s always long, right?
Four and a half hours!
Please! You do it too! (And dads can contribute too. I think I'll get Darren to compose an ode to the poison ivy on his hands, right where I was squeezing during Baby #1.)
As a mother, I am interested in others' birth stories, and I like telling mine. I can't help it. Giving birth was an event that changed me and introduced me to a brand-new person... on four different occasions. You just don't shrug something like that off.
As a writer, I'm all for well-edited stories. Birth stories can go on entirely too long, with entirely too much detail. There's also no natural stopping place: once you've finished the first birth story, you can't help but move to the second. And third. And beyond.
Conversion Diary offers a balance between the mother and the writer: birth stories in haiku. (Syllable count is 5-7-5, if you need reminding.) This way you can capture the highlights of each birth and still have friends after you're done.
Here are my four. Possibly too much information for some, but I did try to keep it readable:
Baby #1
Married for nine months.
First labor’s always long, right?
Four and a half hours!
Baby #2
This one will be fast!
Oops, sunny-side-up baby.
Twelve hours and section.
Baby #3
All set for VBAC
Midwife feels baby’s bottom
Breech! Section again.
Baby #4
Scheduled c-section
Peaceful, joking with doctors.
Three happy siblings.
Please! You do it too! (And dads can contribute too. I think I'll get Darren to compose an ode to the poison ivy on his hands, right where I was squeezing during Baby #1.)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Children Are Reading
I've entered a new era of blogging.
Ever since we began this blog seven years ago, I've kept in mind that our children are real people, not funny blog-fodder. I once read a Christmas letter by a guy who had built a reputation for writing Really Hilarious Letters, but that year's letter included a mention of his teenage daughter's monthly discomforts and his younger son's reactions. I was embarrassed for them, and resolved that my own children wouldn't come across any awful surprises like that when they were old enough to know what all my friends have been reading about them.
Now that Addie and Stuart are regular readers of the blog, I have to be even more careful about what I post. It's tricky, balancing our amusement with their dignity. Also, there are some subjects that I'm not ready to introduce yet. It's not that I've run a controversial, tell-all blog up till now, but I do find myself more limited than I expected. For every three post ideas I get, two of them take more finesse than I have time for.
All that to explain why I haven't posted as often as I'd like to. Well, having four kids at home all the time has something to do with it, too.
Just as I didn't build this blog entirely around my kids, I don't want to let them dictate everything I post now. Just keep in mind that when I write verbal circles around a topic instead of using plainspeak, it's because of CAR (children are reading). It's related to CAL (children are listening).
Thanks to all of y'all who have hung around this blog all these years and watched our family grow up.
-- SJ
Ever since we began this blog seven years ago, I've kept in mind that our children are real people, not funny blog-fodder. I once read a Christmas letter by a guy who had built a reputation for writing Really Hilarious Letters, but that year's letter included a mention of his teenage daughter's monthly discomforts and his younger son's reactions. I was embarrassed for them, and resolved that my own children wouldn't come across any awful surprises like that when they were old enough to know what all my friends have been reading about them.
Now that Addie and Stuart are regular readers of the blog, I have to be even more careful about what I post. It's tricky, balancing our amusement with their dignity. Also, there are some subjects that I'm not ready to introduce yet. It's not that I've run a controversial, tell-all blog up till now, but I do find myself more limited than I expected. For every three post ideas I get, two of them take more finesse than I have time for.
All that to explain why I haven't posted as often as I'd like to. Well, having four kids at home all the time has something to do with it, too.
Just as I didn't build this blog entirely around my kids, I don't want to let them dictate everything I post now. Just keep in mind that when I write verbal circles around a topic instead of using plainspeak, it's because of CAR (children are reading). It's related to CAL (children are listening).
Thanks to all of y'all who have hung around this blog all these years and watched our family grow up.
-- SJ
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Romance and Toddlers
Cleaning out his old emails, Darren found one I wrote him in 2003. We had two toddlers at the time. Addie's idea of playing was to dump water onto the carpet and stomp in it, or to insist that her blocks be stacked EXACTLY THE RIGHT WAY. Stuart routinely got into our loose change and scattered coins across the carpet. Both woke up entirely too early every morning, happy to greet the day.
It was an intense time of parenting. But we still managed to keep our romance alive:
From: Sara
To: Darren
Subject: For my husband...
How do I love you?
How can I tell you?
The breadth of my love is as toys,
Spread 'round upon the carpet,
Everpresent.
Thus is my love for you.
The height of my love is as alphabet blocks,
Stacked one upon another,
Unvarying.
Thus is my love for you.
The depth of my love is as water,
Poured out day by day on the floor,
Neverending.
Thus is my love for you.
My love is eager,
As one laughing at dawn.
My love is joyful,
As one dancing upon coins.
As numerous as Cheerios,
Are my grateful thanks that you are mine.
-- SJ
It was an intense time of parenting. But we still managed to keep our romance alive:
From: Sara
To: Darren
Subject: For my husband...
How do I love you?
How can I tell you?
The breadth of my love is as toys,
Spread 'round upon the carpet,
Everpresent.
Thus is my love for you.
The height of my love is as alphabet blocks,
Stacked one upon another,
Unvarying.
Thus is my love for you.
The depth of my love is as water,
Poured out day by day on the floor,
Neverending.
Thus is my love for you.
My love is eager,
As one laughing at dawn.
My love is joyful,
As one dancing upon coins.
As numerous as Cheerios,
Are my grateful thanks that you are mine.
-- SJ
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Cellular Help
Cell phones love to be helpful. They sing when you get a call, bleedle when you get a text, and hang over your thumb suggesting words for you while you text back. But you've got to double-check exactly what a cell phone thinks you should communicate.
* I texted Darren from the doctor's office once: "Daph and Pip both have car infections."
* Once when my friend Amanda was coming over, I realized I was out of paper plates. But the cell phone, showing disturbing political leanings, wanted me to ask, "Do you have any paper slaves?"
* Our babysitter asked me to text her when I got home, since it looked like I'd be driving into a storm. I wrote to reassure her that there hadn't been much of a storm to speak of. The cell phone was in a more surreal mood and suggested instead: "Not enough pain to warrant an umbrella."
* For one of the best gift ideas ever, Jessica sent me a random assortment of magazines. Included was "Food&Wine," and she said I should try a recipe from it because she interned with them. I replied that I would. But my cell phone was feeling poetic, so what it wanted me to say was, "I'll try something from done&wind and let you know how it turns out."
Of course I'm grateful for the cell phone's help, because it means I don't have to press each key three times to get one letter. Besides, at least it gives me something to blog about.
Or, as the phone suggested (obviously thinking I should find a more active hobby), something clog about.
-- SJ
* I texted Darren from the doctor's office once: "Daph and Pip both have car infections."
* Once when my friend Amanda was coming over, I realized I was out of paper plates. But the cell phone, showing disturbing political leanings, wanted me to ask, "Do you have any paper slaves?"
* Our babysitter asked me to text her when I got home, since it looked like I'd be driving into a storm. I wrote to reassure her that there hadn't been much of a storm to speak of. The cell phone was in a more surreal mood and suggested instead: "Not enough pain to warrant an umbrella."
* For one of the best gift ideas ever, Jessica sent me a random assortment of magazines. Included was "Food&Wine," and she said I should try a recipe from it because she interned with them. I replied that I would. But my cell phone was feeling poetic, so what it wanted me to say was, "I'll try something from done&wind and let you know how it turns out."
Of course I'm grateful for the cell phone's help, because it means I don't have to press each key three times to get one letter. Besides, at least it gives me something to blog about.
Or, as the phone suggested (obviously thinking I should find a more active hobby), something clog about.
-- SJ
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
In-House Valentine's Celebration
We usually get a babysitter for Valentine's Day, but this year health and money (or, more specifically, a lack of both) decided for us that we'd have an in-house celebration this year.
After Phillip went to bed at 7, we put on videos for the three older kids. Darren told them not to disturb Mama and Daddy "unless there's blood... and even then think carefully about it." It was like in those action flicks where the general barks, "Okay, men, once I send in my troops, you've got an hour and fifteen minutes to get in, get the goods, and get out. Go!" As soon as the kids were under the electronic anesthesia, Darren and I escaped to our bedroom with a tray of champagne, home-made ice cream, and a little box of specialty truffles.
While I ate all of the truffles, Darren pulled out some Mad Libs he'd created for the occasion. He told me to give him "sensual" words, so I obliged with some Harlequin romance gems like "insistently" and "velvety" and "indulged."
Darren then proceeded to read to me, "How to Prepare Barbecued Chicken." It would have been hilarious even without the influence of champagne.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-- SJ
After Phillip went to bed at 7, we put on videos for the three older kids. Darren told them not to disturb Mama and Daddy "unless there's blood... and even then think carefully about it." It was like in those action flicks where the general barks, "Okay, men, once I send in my troops, you've got an hour and fifteen minutes to get in, get the goods, and get out. Go!" As soon as the kids were under the electronic anesthesia, Darren and I escaped to our bedroom with a tray of champagne, home-made ice cream, and a little box of specialty truffles.
While I ate all of the truffles, Darren pulled out some Mad Libs he'd created for the occasion. He told me to give him "sensual" words, so I obliged with some Harlequin romance gems like "insistently" and "velvety" and "indulged."
Darren then proceeded to read to me, "How to Prepare Barbecued Chicken." It would have been hilarious even without the influence of champagne.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-- SJ
Monday, January 17, 2011
Technology of a Certain Age
I just finished a novel by an author I've read for years. However, I've read his humor columns; this novel is a new venture for him.
Of course it's a murder mystery. That's like the default genre these days. New novelists, especially, have to be very careful when they begin a project. You could be working along on a fantasy novel, and the next thing you know, a dead body turns up in the wizard's lair and it's up to your humble farm boy with hidden magical talents to find out who did it.
I don't like murder mysteries, but I felt I owed it to the author to try his book (it's the third in a series). About halfway through the book, I encountered what I think of as "stale technology": the book was written by an older author who, understandably, isn't exactly current with today's computerized world. The glitches were isty-bitsy, almost unnoticeable. Like snowflakes, really: one or two don't make much of a difference, but pile them up and it gets distracting.
For instance:
* The sheriff doesn't use a cell phone. Later in the book it's mentioned a couple of times -- only to remark that he has it turned off.
* He does use the phone in his office. His secretary answers it, then hands the receiver to him. Evidently they don't have a transfer button on their phone system.
* His computer on his desk hardly gets a mention. It's possible he's not very computer-savvy, but that warrants a special mention in today's world.
* His secretary can look up stuff on a computer, though. He has her find a phone number for him. She writes it down on a little piece of paper and brings it to him. Um, email, anybody?
* During an excursion into a swamp, one person brings takeout from her hotel cafe. She "pulls out a brown paper sack." That's what people used to do back in the seventies. These days we use plastic bags.
* The main character is a womanizer, to a very irritating degree. He's had affairs with at least two other characters, and is romancing two separate women during the current book. Oh, wait, I forgot the nurse. That's three. But he stays on good terms with the women even after the affairs are over. In fact, they all are still rather fond of him. This type of character is a staple even in current novels, but it doesn't seem that younger writers can so cheerfully pretend that there are no bad consequences.
* (Oh, and we're supposed to honor him for his devotion to his dead wife, since he's never found anyone who can replace her in his heart. Probably because he spends all his time pursuing women with something besides his heart.)
* When the FBI drops into a case he's working on, the agent is a woman. The fact that she's a woman is mentioned at least five times. He greets her with, "You're the prettiest agent I've ever seen." She replies, "Flattery will get you nowhere." Um, how about sexual harassment?
* In fact, the book's mild but persistent male chauvinism is breathtaking. My generation is obviously not its target audience.
Darren says I'm not anybody's target audience. But I did give the book a fair try. It wasn't awful, and there were some lines that made me laugh. But I'll just stick with his earlier stuff. At least there's an excuse for stale technology in those.
-- SJ
P.S. "The Huckleberry Murders" by Patrick F. McManus
Of course it's a murder mystery. That's like the default genre these days. New novelists, especially, have to be very careful when they begin a project. You could be working along on a fantasy novel, and the next thing you know, a dead body turns up in the wizard's lair and it's up to your humble farm boy with hidden magical talents to find out who did it.
I don't like murder mysteries, but I felt I owed it to the author to try his book (it's the third in a series). About halfway through the book, I encountered what I think of as "stale technology": the book was written by an older author who, understandably, isn't exactly current with today's computerized world. The glitches were isty-bitsy, almost unnoticeable. Like snowflakes, really: one or two don't make much of a difference, but pile them up and it gets distracting.
For instance:
* The sheriff doesn't use a cell phone. Later in the book it's mentioned a couple of times -- only to remark that he has it turned off.
* He does use the phone in his office. His secretary answers it, then hands the receiver to him. Evidently they don't have a transfer button on their phone system.
* His computer on his desk hardly gets a mention. It's possible he's not very computer-savvy, but that warrants a special mention in today's world.
* His secretary can look up stuff on a computer, though. He has her find a phone number for him. She writes it down on a little piece of paper and brings it to him. Um, email, anybody?
* During an excursion into a swamp, one person brings takeout from her hotel cafe. She "pulls out a brown paper sack." That's what people used to do back in the seventies. These days we use plastic bags.
* The main character is a womanizer, to a very irritating degree. He's had affairs with at least two other characters, and is romancing two separate women during the current book. Oh, wait, I forgot the nurse. That's three. But he stays on good terms with the women even after the affairs are over. In fact, they all are still rather fond of him. This type of character is a staple even in current novels, but it doesn't seem that younger writers can so cheerfully pretend that there are no bad consequences.
* (Oh, and we're supposed to honor him for his devotion to his dead wife, since he's never found anyone who can replace her in his heart. Probably because he spends all his time pursuing women with something besides his heart.)
* When the FBI drops into a case he's working on, the agent is a woman. The fact that she's a woman is mentioned at least five times. He greets her with, "You're the prettiest agent I've ever seen." She replies, "Flattery will get you nowhere." Um, how about sexual harassment?
* In fact, the book's mild but persistent male chauvinism is breathtaking. My generation is obviously not its target audience.
Darren says I'm not anybody's target audience. But I did give the book a fair try. It wasn't awful, and there were some lines that made me laugh. But I'll just stick with his earlier stuff. At least there's an excuse for stale technology in those.
-- SJ
P.S. "The Huckleberry Murders" by Patrick F. McManus
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Just Checking In
I'm writing this from the comfort of my bed on my new ASUS netbook. A netbook, for the uninitiated, is a mini-laptop. It's much smaller and lighter, with limited hard drive space and no CD drives. I think it's going to suit my needs perfectly: an internet station in the kitchen, and a portable email station when I go out to work on writing projects. It's become irritating to work around three kids with 40 minutes each computer time every day. I'm a happy girl to have my netbook.
My homeschool roots keep showing, though: I keep calling it a lapbook.
I intend to write a real post soon. Stuart pointed out that they'd posted on their blog in 2011 already. Consider the following a batch of sticky-note reminders:
* Books: Hunger Games, Ozark Trilogy
* Resolutions: It is the New Year, after all
* Church: A followup to posts from a while ago (2009, I think)
* Counseling: Wouldn't $50 encourage you to consider it?
So that should give me some happy half-hours at my new internet station in the kitchen. Meanwhile, it's bedtime, so I'm ready some warm and loving cuddles. Netbooks do cuddle, right?
-- SJ
My homeschool roots keep showing, though: I keep calling it a lapbook.
I intend to write a real post soon. Stuart pointed out that they'd posted on their blog in 2011 already. Consider the following a batch of sticky-note reminders:
* Books: Hunger Games, Ozark Trilogy
* Resolutions: It is the New Year, after all
* Church: A followup to posts from a while ago (2009, I think)
* Counseling: Wouldn't $50 encourage you to consider it?
So that should give me some happy half-hours at my new internet station in the kitchen. Meanwhile, it's bedtime, so I'm ready some warm and loving cuddles. Netbooks do cuddle, right?
-- SJ
Friday, December 17, 2010
Sticky Bits
Oh, hi! I'm back picking up these scraps of ideas I left lying around a few days ago. They're all things I've come across in the past year, and they've stuck with me.
1. John C. Wright is a sci-fi author and blogger. He's an atheist-turned-Christian and fiercely opinionated. Probably since I strive in my daily life to be balanced and understanding to all sides of a question, Wright's unabashed biased rants give me a guilty pleasure. Of course, I rarely finish reading an entire post -- he's also long-winded. (Note: I haven't actually read any of his books.) Anyway, I introduce him because it was on his blog that I read something along the lines of, "Most Christians aren't scared enough that they might be wrong."
It stuck with me because it's very true. Deep down, I'm convinced I know God's mind on nearly everything important. When someone disagrees with me, I don't have to extend grace -- except of the most patronizing brand -- because they're Wrong and I'm Right.
"Be scared that you might be wrong" is an excellent reminder to me that I don't possess the whole truth. I don't know the mind of God. And I may very well be wrong on issues I think are pretty clear-cut. "Be scared" reminds me that I need to give myself a generous margin for error -- and then fill up that margin with grace and humility toward my fellow human beings.
2. I read somewhere recently that Christians need to get over this idea that it's always wrong to be angry. Obviously it's damaging to let anger rule you. Obviously we're called to forgive others for personal offenses. But sometimes we need to be hot and ragingly furious. Abuse -- especially of children -- should make us mad. Human trafficking should make us mad. Malice and bullying should make us mad. Injustice against the poor and weak should raise the blood pressure and get us moving.
Not whether it's Xmas or Happy Holidays. Not the terrible service at Wal-Mart. Not the size of the large fries at McDonald's. Anger is good, but dangerous: let's channel it into causes that will make a real difference.
3. From my recent issue of "Writer's Digest": "First drafts are a failure. A writer is someone who doesn't let failure stop him." Or, in Anne Lamott's more concise words: "A first draft is full of s- ty writing." Why does this stick with me? Because I'm pushing myself to finish my writing projects no matter how, um, bad the writing is. So I type statements like this at the top of my stories to remind me to keep going. (I admit, I wrote "crappy writing" instead -- still not a word I use, so it had some of the same shock value every time I saw it on my personal work.)
Also in the realm of unprintable words: I recently came across the sentence, "I'm lazy as f-." It really bothered me. Not for the obvious reason, but because it MAKES NO SENSE. It's like saying, "I'm lazy as kick." or "I'm lazy as bounce." Besides, of all things f- is, "lazy" doesn't qualify. Somebody was just showing off.
4. A recent general email ended with the sentence, "Fell free to forward." I stared at it a long time, wondering what catchphrase or concept I was missing this time. Fell free? Fall forward? It sounded intriguing. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize it was just a typo.
-- SJ
1. John C. Wright is a sci-fi author and blogger. He's an atheist-turned-Christian and fiercely opinionated. Probably since I strive in my daily life to be balanced and understanding to all sides of a question, Wright's unabashed biased rants give me a guilty pleasure. Of course, I rarely finish reading an entire post -- he's also long-winded. (Note: I haven't actually read any of his books.) Anyway, I introduce him because it was on his blog that I read something along the lines of, "Most Christians aren't scared enough that they might be wrong."
It stuck with me because it's very true. Deep down, I'm convinced I know God's mind on nearly everything important. When someone disagrees with me, I don't have to extend grace -- except of the most patronizing brand -- because they're Wrong and I'm Right.
"Be scared that you might be wrong" is an excellent reminder to me that I don't possess the whole truth. I don't know the mind of God. And I may very well be wrong on issues I think are pretty clear-cut. "Be scared" reminds me that I need to give myself a generous margin for error -- and then fill up that margin with grace and humility toward my fellow human beings.
2. I read somewhere recently that Christians need to get over this idea that it's always wrong to be angry. Obviously it's damaging to let anger rule you. Obviously we're called to forgive others for personal offenses. But sometimes we need to be hot and ragingly furious. Abuse -- especially of children -- should make us mad. Human trafficking should make us mad. Malice and bullying should make us mad. Injustice against the poor and weak should raise the blood pressure and get us moving.
Not whether it's Xmas or Happy Holidays. Not the terrible service at Wal-Mart. Not the size of the large fries at McDonald's. Anger is good, but dangerous: let's channel it into causes that will make a real difference.
3. From my recent issue of "Writer's Digest": "First drafts are a failure. A writer is someone who doesn't let failure stop him." Or, in Anne Lamott's more concise words: "A first draft is full of s- ty writing." Why does this stick with me? Because I'm pushing myself to finish my writing projects no matter how, um, bad the writing is. So I type statements like this at the top of my stories to remind me to keep going. (I admit, I wrote "crappy writing" instead -- still not a word I use, so it had some of the same shock value every time I saw it on my personal work.)
Also in the realm of unprintable words: I recently came across the sentence, "I'm lazy as f-." It really bothered me. Not for the obvious reason, but because it MAKES NO SENSE. It's like saying, "I'm lazy as kick." or "I'm lazy as bounce." Besides, of all things f- is, "lazy" doesn't qualify. Somebody was just showing off.
4. A recent general email ended with the sentence, "Fell free to forward." I stared at it a long time, wondering what catchphrase or concept I was missing this time. Fell free? Fall forward? It sounded intriguing. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize it was just a typo.
-- SJ
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Blogging (or, The Lack Thereof)
This morning I started a long, meditative post about why I've not been blogging as much lately. Three paragraphs in, I got bored with it.
So instead, here's the brisk and breezy version as to why my blogging has trickled off lately:
1. I'm *not* pregnant, so it's not like that is a contributing factor. I just thought I'd mention it sort of as a celebratory thing.
2. I've been channeling what writing energy I have into writing Pieces (as we journalists call it) that I can sell.
3. I've been researching markets that might buy my writing.
4. I hate researching markets.
5. I got my first rejection back yesterday. I'm a little discouraged, because my pool of potential markets isn't very big. The "pool" is more like a "puddle." On the other hand, the only way to become a successful writer is to submit, which involves collecting rejections, so I consider myself well begun.
6. I'm homeschooling. Now, I'm not the do-it-all homeschooling type. I read the advice articles for first-year homeschoolers that said, "Don't try to do it all!" and thought, "Okey-dokey!" In some ways, my natural low-key approach is good. We don't get keyed-up, burned-out, or overwhelmed. But this year I'm having to ratchet things up to get the kids up to speed in a couple of subjects. It's mostly going fine, except on Mondays when I am a living, breathing bundle of inadequacies.
7. I have a one-year-old.
8. Want a list of the one-year-old's current favorite activities? Standing at the kitchen sink while the water is running; pushing chairs up to the counter and eating leftovers from lunch; pushing the water dispenser on the fridge; letting himself out the front door; banging on the computer keyboard; and pushing buttons on music toys and SINGING LOUDLY. The last one isn't destructive, but it's not very tuneful, either. All of what he does is awfully cute. Lucky for him.
9. I've got three things in the planning stage: anniversary festivities, an upcoming party, and aforementioned giveaways.
10. I hate planning things.
11. When I have something to plan, I seize up and don't get anything done until the deadline sneaks up behind me and shoves me into action again.
12. I've got four articles lined up for the next year. Articles that, if I write them well, bring in money.
13. I love getting money for my writing.
14. I just finished two Nancy Drew games. Nancy Drew games are cool. They siphon off a lot of blogging (reading, praying, eating, breathing...) time. I recommend the following games:
The Secret of the Old Clock
The Secret of Shadow Ranch
The White Wolf of Icicle Creek
The Ransom of the Seven Ships
Warnings at Waverly Academy
I also recommend Universal Hint System because otherwise you'll never solve the games and will be reduced to a creature slobbering frustration and shrieking, "What do those stupid hobo symbols mean? How do you beat the coyote game? What do I do after I find the T-rex bone?"
15. Is it disturbing that I wrote more about Nancy Drew games than I did about homeschooling?
16. It's suppertime, and I made green chile quiche, and I'm hungry. So, um, the end.
-- SJ
So instead, here's the brisk and breezy version as to why my blogging has trickled off lately:
1. I'm *not* pregnant, so it's not like that is a contributing factor. I just thought I'd mention it sort of as a celebratory thing.
2. I've been channeling what writing energy I have into writing Pieces (as we journalists call it) that I can sell.
3. I've been researching markets that might buy my writing.
4. I hate researching markets.
5. I got my first rejection back yesterday. I'm a little discouraged, because my pool of potential markets isn't very big. The "pool" is more like a "puddle." On the other hand, the only way to become a successful writer is to submit, which involves collecting rejections, so I consider myself well begun.
6. I'm homeschooling. Now, I'm not the do-it-all homeschooling type. I read the advice articles for first-year homeschoolers that said, "Don't try to do it all!" and thought, "Okey-dokey!" In some ways, my natural low-key approach is good. We don't get keyed-up, burned-out, or overwhelmed. But this year I'm having to ratchet things up to get the kids up to speed in a couple of subjects. It's mostly going fine, except on Mondays when I am a living, breathing bundle of inadequacies.
7. I have a one-year-old.
8. Want a list of the one-year-old's current favorite activities? Standing at the kitchen sink while the water is running; pushing chairs up to the counter and eating leftovers from lunch; pushing the water dispenser on the fridge; letting himself out the front door; banging on the computer keyboard; and pushing buttons on music toys and SINGING LOUDLY. The last one isn't destructive, but it's not very tuneful, either. All of what he does is awfully cute. Lucky for him.
9. I've got three things in the planning stage: anniversary festivities, an upcoming party, and aforementioned giveaways.
10. I hate planning things.
11. When I have something to plan, I seize up and don't get anything done until the deadline sneaks up behind me and shoves me into action again.
12. I've got four articles lined up for the next year. Articles that, if I write them well, bring in money.
13. I love getting money for my writing.
14. I just finished two Nancy Drew games. Nancy Drew games are cool. They siphon off a lot of blogging (reading, praying, eating, breathing...) time. I recommend the following games:
The Secret of the Old Clock
The Secret of Shadow Ranch
The White Wolf of Icicle Creek
The Ransom of the Seven Ships
Warnings at Waverly Academy
I also recommend Universal Hint System because otherwise you'll never solve the games and will be reduced to a creature slobbering frustration and shrieking, "What do those stupid hobo symbols mean? How do you beat the coyote game? What do I do after I find the T-rex bone?"
15. Is it disturbing that I wrote more about Nancy Drew games than I did about homeschooling?
16. It's suppertime, and I made green chile quiche, and I'm hungry. So, um, the end.
-- SJ
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Kid Bits
Daphne, as we're receiving bread and wine for Communion at church: "Who is doing the 'wining' this morning?"
Stuart, when I teasingly offered him a piece of mushroom-olive pizza: "No thanks. I really don't care for plants on my pizza."
I gave Addie a story I wrote. Instead of ending with a flat-footed resolution, the story finished poised on one toe -- but it was obvious how things were going to turn out. Well, I thought it was obvious. Addie read it and burst into tears. "This is it? I HATE cliffhangers!" Either I need to rewrite the story, or find an older audience.
It looks like Pip's official First Word is "up." When we're outside, he jabs his finger into the air and remarks repeatedly, "Ooph! Ooph!" Especially if there's an airplane in sight: he holds lengthy, if monotonous, discourses on that subject.
-- SJ
Stuart, when I teasingly offered him a piece of mushroom-olive pizza: "No thanks. I really don't care for plants on my pizza."
I gave Addie a story I wrote. Instead of ending with a flat-footed resolution, the story finished poised on one toe -- but it was obvious how things were going to turn out. Well, I thought it was obvious. Addie read it and burst into tears. "This is it? I HATE cliffhangers!" Either I need to rewrite the story, or find an older audience.
It looks like Pip's official First Word is "up." When we're outside, he jabs his finger into the air and remarks repeatedly, "Ooph! Ooph!" Especially if there's an airplane in sight: he holds lengthy, if monotonous, discourses on that subject.
-- SJ
Thursday, September 02, 2010
In Other Words
Recently seen on Facebook:
Sara Roberts Jones Tried writing a story in 800 words. Um, maybe shoot for 1000 instead. Hey, here's a magazine that accepts 5000-word submissions! Check word count on another story: 6025. Good HEAVENS I use a lot of words.
Rosemary Morris Well, just look at your status: 37 words! I could be your editor if you'd like. Let's give it a try: "Tried writing 800-word story. Came to 1000. Found magazine accepts 5000-word submissions. Mine: 6025. Blah. I'm wordy." That's 19. :)
Sara Roberts Jones Nerd.
(And I meant it to sting.)
-- SJ
Sara Roberts Jones Tried writing a story in 800 words. Um, maybe shoot for 1000 instead. Hey, here's a magazine that accepts 5000-word submissions! Check word count on another story: 6025. Good HEAVENS I use a lot of words.
Rosemary Morris Well, just look at your status: 37 words! I could be your editor if you'd like. Let's give it a try: "Tried writing 800-word story. Came to 1000. Found magazine accepts 5000-word submissions. Mine: 6025. Blah. I'm wordy." That's 19. :)
Sara Roberts Jones Nerd.
(And I meant it to sting.)
-- SJ
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