* My apologies for the long silence. It's certainly not because anything Big and Important has happened in our household. Like a baby. Of course, it's certainly not like Baby's even scheduled to be delivered for another week, but I don't endure the last stretch of pregnancy with much saintlike patience. Bet Job would have had a harder time if he'd been nine months pregnant.
* My mom arrived this week, and that's a happy thing. She's a pleasing mixture of someone who can make good conversation, and also knows when to keep her mouth shut -- to quote Mom herself on how to be a good mother to adult children.
* I haven't been online much because our computer is, once again, sick. Our problems mostly stemmed from a faulty outlet in the same room where the computer was plugged in; but it didn't occur to me that a bad outlet could affect all the others around it. We got the problem fixed, but by that time all the computer's unexpected shutdowns killed its USB ports. So we're back to the laptop, which is still old and slow but at least has an ethernet connection now.
* The laptop is on top of our dresser in our bedroom. The dresser is slightly shorter than I am. Meaning that if I have to type anything, my arms are nearly level with my chin. That's the real reason for my silence all this time.
* Guess who typed this while standing on Volumes 12 and 13 of the 1995 Encyclopedia Britannica.
-- SJ
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I Wonder Where She Heard That?
Daphne walked into the kitchen with a defunct walkie-talkie that she uses as a phone. She said, "Mama, do you want to talk to me while I'm on the phone?"
"Um... Okay. Hi, Daphne."
With the walkie-talkie up to her ear, she replied: "Mama, I'm on the phone. Don't talk to me."
-- SJ
"Um... Okay. Hi, Daphne."
With the walkie-talkie up to her ear, she replied: "Mama, I'm on the phone. Don't talk to me."
-- SJ
Friday, May 22, 2009
By Any Other Name
Stuart: "Daddy, do you know where that book is that I was reading? The James Henry Trotter one?"
Daddy: "The... which one?"
Stuart: "You know, the one about all the animals and the animal doctor."
Daddy: "Do you mean 'James Herriot Treasury for Children'?"
Stuart: "Oh. Yeah. That one. Sorry for mixing it up."
-- SJ
Daddy: "The... which one?"
Stuart: "You know, the one about all the animals and the animal doctor."
Daddy: "Do you mean 'James Herriot Treasury for Children'?"
Stuart: "Oh. Yeah. That one. Sorry for mixing it up."
-- SJ
Monday, May 18, 2009
A Song for Daphne
My mom calls Daphne "Daphne Doodle." I informed Mom the other day that the actual, proper name for her is "Daphne Dawdle." She lags. Walking anywhere with her is wildly frustrating. Not that parents ever want to inflict revenge, but if I did want to, I'd have created the following song:
To the tune of "Yankee Doodle"
Daphne Dawdle went to town,
It took her five times longer.
You would think she could be quick,
But you could not be wronger.
Daphne Dawdle, pick it up;
Daphne Dawdle, move it!
You may say you're not part snail,
But you'll just have to prove it!
Note: Daphne didn't like the song and told me not to sing it.
-- SJ
To the tune of "Yankee Doodle"
Daphne Dawdle went to town,
It took her five times longer.
You would think she could be quick,
But you could not be wronger.
Daphne Dawdle, pick it up;
Daphne Dawdle, move it!
You may say you're not part snail,
But you'll just have to prove it!
Note: Daphne didn't like the song and told me not to sing it.
-- SJ
It Is Wrong
Nina, my neighbor, passes on her Reader's Digests when she's done with them. We always read them cover to cover, with a mixture of interest and annoyance.
RD's approach to medicine, for instance, can be summarized as: "Doctors can work miracles! Never, ever trust your doctor!" They also like featuring Obscure Medical Scares: this issue's is that artificial light can encourage certain forms of cancer -- so every time you go to the bathroom at night, and turn on the light, you're at risk! Use nightlights! Eat breakfast beside a window! Get natural light! (However, if you DO go outside, for heaven's sake don't forget sunscreen.)
But, anyway, on to what annoyed me. There was a long article on a trend among teenagers: texting nude photos of themselves to friends, without realizing that the photos could easily be sent out for universal viewing. Parents are informed and warned about what their teens (as young as 12) could be doing with their phones. Parents need to explain what is appropriate, and emphasize that once a picture is texted, there's no getting it back. Parents need to point out that years from now, those same pictures could jepoardize job options or even lead to criminal charges.
What parents are never advised to do, however, is tell their 15-year-old girl, "You absolutely shouldn't be showing pictures of your body to anybody. Your body is yours to protect, not send out for others' enjoyment." Parents aren't told that their teen boys should know that pornography, even self-created, is detrimental to themselves and to those they send it to. In short, teens are never told that it's actually a wrong thing to do -- only that it could bring them embarrassment and trouble later.
"Teens are sexual beings," the article quoted someone as saying. Thanks for that enlightenment. Teenagers are humans, after all -- and darn immature ones at that. They need things explained to them. To girls in particular, showing off your body is an easy way to get lots of attention. They need a responsible adult to tell them that pornography is a corrosive influence, reducing people to objects of selfish gratification. It's a bad start in life to give your friends and acquaintances the opportunity to whet that selfish appetite on your own body.
Why is it that today's culture thinks that 16-year-olds are old enough to understand and deal with sexual relationships on their own? Teenagers can't even handle friendships in a rational manner. But if the only caution you can give your child is, "Don't do that because it might get you in trouble later," then you're waving the white flag and the battle is over.
I care enough about my children, and my friends' children, and the beautiful, alienated teenagers I pass in town, to say, "You shouldn't do this. It's wrong." To do less is to hand our children over to those who want them only for their bodies.
-- SJ
RD's approach to medicine, for instance, can be summarized as: "Doctors can work miracles! Never, ever trust your doctor!" They also like featuring Obscure Medical Scares: this issue's is that artificial light can encourage certain forms of cancer -- so every time you go to the bathroom at night, and turn on the light, you're at risk! Use nightlights! Eat breakfast beside a window! Get natural light! (However, if you DO go outside, for heaven's sake don't forget sunscreen.)
But, anyway, on to what annoyed me. There was a long article on a trend among teenagers: texting nude photos of themselves to friends, without realizing that the photos could easily be sent out for universal viewing. Parents are informed and warned about what their teens (as young as 12) could be doing with their phones. Parents need to explain what is appropriate, and emphasize that once a picture is texted, there's no getting it back. Parents need to point out that years from now, those same pictures could jepoardize job options or even lead to criminal charges.
What parents are never advised to do, however, is tell their 15-year-old girl, "You absolutely shouldn't be showing pictures of your body to anybody. Your body is yours to protect, not send out for others' enjoyment." Parents aren't told that their teen boys should know that pornography, even self-created, is detrimental to themselves and to those they send it to. In short, teens are never told that it's actually a wrong thing to do -- only that it could bring them embarrassment and trouble later.
"Teens are sexual beings," the article quoted someone as saying. Thanks for that enlightenment. Teenagers are humans, after all -- and darn immature ones at that. They need things explained to them. To girls in particular, showing off your body is an easy way to get lots of attention. They need a responsible adult to tell them that pornography is a corrosive influence, reducing people to objects of selfish gratification. It's a bad start in life to give your friends and acquaintances the opportunity to whet that selfish appetite on your own body.
Why is it that today's culture thinks that 16-year-olds are old enough to understand and deal with sexual relationships on their own? Teenagers can't even handle friendships in a rational manner. But if the only caution you can give your child is, "Don't do that because it might get you in trouble later," then you're waving the white flag and the battle is over.
I care enough about my children, and my friends' children, and the beautiful, alienated teenagers I pass in town, to say, "You shouldn't do this. It's wrong." To do less is to hand our children over to those who want them only for their bodies.
-- SJ
Saturday, May 16, 2009
We Went to Tennessee
The Baby's arrival is only three weeks away. We wanted to do something special as a family before "special" devolved into "Mama and Daddy staying awake, and Baby not crying, long enough to eat ice cream together before bed." So we went to Tennessee.
Normally it wouldn't be something we could do in a budget-friendly way, but this time we were invited by Wyndham Resorts. They WANTED us to come. They promised us a discount on a hotel suite, a gift card to a restaurant, and $25 in cash to spend how we liked. All we had to do was come in for a two-hour sales presentation to find out why we wanted to buy a timeshare from them. We really wanted a vacation, if not a timeshare, so we agreed to come.
It was 420 miles to Pigeon Forge, TN. The kids were good travelers -- hardly any whining or crying. That's because we have such stellar children. Also it's because we listened to Daphne's CDs until we wanted to pitch them out the window, and because we let Addie and Stuart play their new (used) Nintendo DS in fifteen-minute intervals for like five hours straight. A drive like that is no time for high standards.
The fateful sales pitch was scheduled for the very next morning. We went in resolved to say no. We dropped A&S off at the kids' room, and brought Daphne with us, where she played with random toys and watched the DVD player. Then we sat down to let the salesman talk himself out so we could say no.
Unfortunately, we really liked our salesman. He can't have had high hopes for us from the outset: we don't travel much, and when we do travel, we don't want to do anything. But he showed us how the program could work even for us. And we actually considered it seriously. The program is based on a point system, like frequent-flyer miles, and some points can even go toward airfare and car rentals. We toured the model condos and everything. Then we got to financing, and he even managed to get our monthly payments -- over seven years -- to $150/month. We could do that, right?
Until Darren pulled out his cell phone calculator when the salesman was gone for a few minutes. He did a quick run of the numbers, which included 15% interest. We'd end up paying $4,000 extra over that seven years. Our resolution, which had softened at the edges, firmed up again.
We said No.
We took our gift cards, our cash, and went back to our very comfortable suite. The sales pitch was over, and we could relax and enjoy the vacation in our very Jonesish sort of way. That involved a splurge on an attraction called MagiQuest. It was basically a live-action fantasy video game. It was fun, although it's not like it was worth the seven-hour drive down there just to play it or anything. Three or four hours, however, is entirely justifiable.
In an attempt to be frugal, I packed lots of food so we wouldn't spend a lot on eating out. What I didn't realize is that the hotel room provided a free breakfast, including waffles and an omelet bar. And then there were the gift cards that meant we could eat out without paying much. All that together meant that I WAY overprepared. Darren snickered a little bit as he unpacked three loaves of bread and two bottles of juice and yogurt and pasta and more snacks than we could eat in two weeks. But he appreciated the effort.
My favorite outing was to the Museum of Appalachia, where my family used to visit during our Knoxville trips. It's set up as a farm community a hundred years ago, with authentic cabins, chickens and turkeys, and a museum of interesting and quirky collections. Mostly the kids just liked the peacocks roaming around, which weren't exactly in keeping with the hard-scrabble Appalachian farm life. Darren and I had visited the museum during our honeymoon, so he was glad to be back there, too. Of course, on that trip, I was there to see the museum, while Darren just wanted to get me off in deserted corners so he could kiss me. Lots of fond memories.
The trip back was a little longer and a little crankier. Music and Nintendo came to the rescue. Darren and I listened to some of the Narnia CDs that Evan and Jill gave us for Christmas a couple of years ago, which we enjoyed thoroughly despite the active and vociferous protests from the toddler who wanted to hear her own CDs.
We got home in the evening, and were grateful to be back in our own beds. Our cat was fed and cared-for, thanks to our neighbors. A good trip was had by all. We highly recommend: 1) the Tennessee mountains; 2) MagiQuest; 3) Nintendo DS; and 4) cell phone calculators to rescue you from disaster.
-- SJ
Normally it wouldn't be something we could do in a budget-friendly way, but this time we were invited by Wyndham Resorts. They WANTED us to come. They promised us a discount on a hotel suite, a gift card to a restaurant, and $25 in cash to spend how we liked. All we had to do was come in for a two-hour sales presentation to find out why we wanted to buy a timeshare from them. We really wanted a vacation, if not a timeshare, so we agreed to come.
It was 420 miles to Pigeon Forge, TN. The kids were good travelers -- hardly any whining or crying. That's because we have such stellar children. Also it's because we listened to Daphne's CDs until we wanted to pitch them out the window, and because we let Addie and Stuart play their new (used) Nintendo DS in fifteen-minute intervals for like five hours straight. A drive like that is no time for high standards.
The fateful sales pitch was scheduled for the very next morning. We went in resolved to say no. We dropped A&S off at the kids' room, and brought Daphne with us, where she played with random toys and watched the DVD player. Then we sat down to let the salesman talk himself out so we could say no.
Unfortunately, we really liked our salesman. He can't have had high hopes for us from the outset: we don't travel much, and when we do travel, we don't want to do anything. But he showed us how the program could work even for us. And we actually considered it seriously. The program is based on a point system, like frequent-flyer miles, and some points can even go toward airfare and car rentals. We toured the model condos and everything. Then we got to financing, and he even managed to get our monthly payments -- over seven years -- to $150/month. We could do that, right?
Until Darren pulled out his cell phone calculator when the salesman was gone for a few minutes. He did a quick run of the numbers, which included 15% interest. We'd end up paying $4,000 extra over that seven years. Our resolution, which had softened at the edges, firmed up again.
We said No.
We took our gift cards, our cash, and went back to our very comfortable suite. The sales pitch was over, and we could relax and enjoy the vacation in our very Jonesish sort of way. That involved a splurge on an attraction called MagiQuest. It was basically a live-action fantasy video game. It was fun, although it's not like it was worth the seven-hour drive down there just to play it or anything. Three or four hours, however, is entirely justifiable.
In an attempt to be frugal, I packed lots of food so we wouldn't spend a lot on eating out. What I didn't realize is that the hotel room provided a free breakfast, including waffles and an omelet bar. And then there were the gift cards that meant we could eat out without paying much. All that together meant that I WAY overprepared. Darren snickered a little bit as he unpacked three loaves of bread and two bottles of juice and yogurt and pasta and more snacks than we could eat in two weeks. But he appreciated the effort.
My favorite outing was to the Museum of Appalachia, where my family used to visit during our Knoxville trips. It's set up as a farm community a hundred years ago, with authentic cabins, chickens and turkeys, and a museum of interesting and quirky collections. Mostly the kids just liked the peacocks roaming around, which weren't exactly in keeping with the hard-scrabble Appalachian farm life. Darren and I had visited the museum during our honeymoon, so he was glad to be back there, too. Of course, on that trip, I was there to see the museum, while Darren just wanted to get me off in deserted corners so he could kiss me. Lots of fond memories.
The trip back was a little longer and a little crankier. Music and Nintendo came to the rescue. Darren and I listened to some of the Narnia CDs that Evan and Jill gave us for Christmas a couple of years ago, which we enjoyed thoroughly despite the active and vociferous protests from the toddler who wanted to hear her own CDs.
We got home in the evening, and were grateful to be back in our own beds. Our cat was fed and cared-for, thanks to our neighbors. A good trip was had by all. We highly recommend: 1) the Tennessee mountains; 2) MagiQuest; 3) Nintendo DS; and 4) cell phone calculators to rescue you from disaster.
-- SJ
Friday, May 15, 2009
Randomizer: Well-Wishes
The most memorable quote from our recent four-day trip to Tennessee:
Clerk in a store saying goodbye as we left: "Goodbye! Have a good vacation!"
Addie: "Bye! Have a good life! Because you never know when you'll die!"
-- SJ
Clerk in a store saying goodbye as we left: "Goodbye! Have a good vacation!"
Addie: "Bye! Have a good life! Because you never know when you'll die!"
-- SJ
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
What She Said
I spent Mother's Day too busy to notice it much, and I forgot to call Mom. Not that it much matters -- Mom usually forgets Mother's Day, too.
Then I read my sister's tribute to Mom. I couldn't write it any better, so why try? Please go read Rose's post to see what we've learned about our mom, ever since we became mothers ourselves.
We love you, Mom!
-- SJ
Then I read my sister's tribute to Mom. I couldn't write it any better, so why try? Please go read Rose's post to see what we've learned about our mom, ever since we became mothers ourselves.
We love you, Mom!
-- SJ
Friday, May 08, 2009
Top Names of 2008
The Social Security Administration has posted its annual list of the top baby names in America. I love this list, or maybe I didn't have to say that.
Of course I checked the status of the most important names, i.e., my children's. Adelaide jumped up from last year. Daphne did a little hop up. And Stuart, as expected, is nowhere to be seen on the Top 1000. I still take great satisfaction in having chosen less-used names.
The top two contenders for Baby's name are on the Top 500. One ranks very much higher than the other, but ironically it sounds less common because the other one was used in a previous generation. So now of course you want to know what the names are, right? Okay, okay. We'll tell you. In about four weeks.
-- SJ
(I just had a mother-moment. The kids are back watching a video, and Daphne is screeching "NO NO NO NO!" Without even taking my fingers off the keyboard, I shouted, "Whatever you're doing, STOP IT!")
Of course I checked the status of the most important names, i.e., my children's. Adelaide jumped up from last year. Daphne did a little hop up. And Stuart, as expected, is nowhere to be seen on the Top 1000. I still take great satisfaction in having chosen less-used names.
The top two contenders for Baby's name are on the Top 500. One ranks very much higher than the other, but ironically it sounds less common because the other one was used in a previous generation. So now of course you want to know what the names are, right? Okay, okay. We'll tell you. In about four weeks.
-- SJ
(I just had a mother-moment. The kids are back watching a video, and Daphne is screeching "NO NO NO NO!" Without even taking my fingers off the keyboard, I shouted, "Whatever you're doing, STOP IT!")
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
What I Forget
It's especially bad when I'm pregnant. No, wait, at least then people expect me to do it. It's when I'm NOT pregnant and start in like I do around those who know and understand me, and my listeners start thinking I'm working up to an Announcement. I should just make a t-shirt that says,
"I talk about names at random and frequent intervals. Please attach no significance to this hobby of mine, because A) I like to make my Announcements much cleverer than that; and B) I don't talk about names that I, personally, am considering. I talk about other people's name choices."
(That would be a very long t-shirt message. A knowledgeable person would look at it and say, "Hm, you're into Blogger and not Twitter, huh?")
So even though I'm eight months pregnant and inviting a discussion of names on my blog, the two situations aren't related. We're not considering Carolina or Caroline. (I have a niece named Caroline, after all.) I just happened to be thinking about the two of them that morning. I've loved hearing y'all's take on them. Isn't it FUN talking about names?
Speaking of -- names, I mean -- I came across a book that said that while Westerners never use flower names for males, it's actually a common practice among Orientals. So I wonder, if we suddenly did crash through centuries of tradition and start using flower names for males, which flowers would qualify?
It's a tricky question because not even all flowers qualify for female names. It's all pretty capricious, actually.
I'd give some off-the-cuff suggestions, except that I started a list and realized I couldn't remember any flowers. It's late. I didn't have a nap. So help me out here -- and please don't worry that we'll take your advice and name a new baby boy Chrysanthemum.
-- SJ
"I talk about names at random and frequent intervals. Please attach no significance to this hobby of mine, because A) I like to make my Announcements much cleverer than that; and B) I don't talk about names that I, personally, am considering. I talk about other people's name choices."
(That would be a very long t-shirt message. A knowledgeable person would look at it and say, "Hm, you're into Blogger and not Twitter, huh?")
So even though I'm eight months pregnant and inviting a discussion of names on my blog, the two situations aren't related. We're not considering Carolina or Caroline. (I have a niece named Caroline, after all.) I just happened to be thinking about the two of them that morning. I've loved hearing y'all's take on them. Isn't it FUN talking about names?
Speaking of -- names, I mean -- I came across a book that said that while Westerners never use flower names for males, it's actually a common practice among Orientals. So I wonder, if we suddenly did crash through centuries of tradition and start using flower names for males, which flowers would qualify?
It's a tricky question because not even all flowers qualify for female names. It's all pretty capricious, actually.
I'd give some off-the-cuff suggestions, except that I started a list and realized I couldn't remember any flowers. It's late. I didn't have a nap. So help me out here -- and please don't worry that we'll take your advice and name a new baby boy Chrysanthemum.
-- SJ
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Status Report
The computer is still ill, and has gone to see the doctor. This being our fifth day without it, we've transferred all our affection and addiction to this poor little laptop. It's old and slow, and serves two purposes: downloading popcap.com games and checking email. All by dialup. But it makes comforting computer-like noises, which is soothing.
So just for something to do until I get back up to speed (high-speed), here's a deep question to ponder: is there a big difference between the names Caroline and Carolina?
-- SJ
So just for something to do until I get back up to speed (high-speed), here's a deep question to ponder: is there a big difference between the names Caroline and Carolina?
-- SJ
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