This is sort of a companion post to Queen of Carrots' excellent post from a few days ago.
I think that parents who understand their children and take a balanced approach to obedience find it puzzling that we young moms would stand up and trumpet that we're not for "Instant Obedience." The philosophy I'm fighting against -- and that has eaten me up with guilt since I became a mother -- is the one that says: When I speak, my child obeys. No discussion, or argument, no whining. In fact, any discussion, argument, or whines counts as disobedience, and is to be punished as such. The child must learn that my (or Darren's) word is their command. The end, amen.
You know what? That's not the kind of parents we are. It's not the kind of parents we want to be. And we aren't interested in raising children who are so cheerfully obedient that they can't express disappointment, disagreement, or just plain irritation.
So, yes, we expect our children to obey us. Yes, there are consequences when they don't. But we almost always answer the question, "Why?" Even Pip's. Sometimes I cut off the conversation with, "Because I told you so," since "Why?" can be a marvelous delay technique. Sometimes we have them obey before we explain why. But I've always encouraged my children to question my decisions for the simple reason that I am not always right.
The result is that our interactions with our children are pretty noisy. Lots of wailing on their part, sometimes shouting on our part. Embarrassing displays of emotion in public places. Arguments in church. Much more disruptive than instant obedience, much less efficient, much less pleasant to listen to. So why do we keep doing it this way?
(What was that? You asked why?)
Here are two recent examples.
#1: The older child
Darren had said that Addi could watch 45 minutes of a Barbie movie, starting at 7:15. She got distracted, so didn’t actually start the movie till 7:28. She set the timer starting then.
At 7:45, he told Addi her time was up. She showed him the timer, which still had 30 minutes on it. He thought she’d forgotten to set the timer till right then, so being generous, he said she could watch fifteen more minutes.
Oh, the world collapsed around her. She wailed that she wasn’t going to watch ANY, that it wasn’t FAIR, and ran back to her room in roaring sobs.
About ten minutes later, Addi came back out, sniffling. In an admirably controlled voice, she told Darren that he’d taken away half her time. When he inquired, she explained the situation without flinging her arms up in the air or declaring that nobody ever listened to her so why even BOTHER? Finally he understood what had happened, and gave her the time back. She happily watched 30 more minutes, turned it off as soon as the timer beeped, and was a cheery little soul for the rest of the evening.
This is exactly what Darren and I have been working toward. We want obedient children, yes; but we also want children who can come to us and tell us when we’ve made a mistake, and ask for a reconsideration. Even if they argue and wail, it’s worth it if they learn how to calm down and approach us with an explanation. And it made me very happy to see that Addi expected justice from Darren, and he gave it to her.
#2: The younger child
Darren had just gotten home from work, and he and I were in our bedroom, seizing ten minutes to talk without interruption. But even though we'd left Pip with a snack at the table, the door opened and his little blond head appeared. I told him to close the door, that we'd be out in a bit.
He hesitated. I repeated, "Phillip, close the door." Suddenly there was a clunking noise, and then the door shut. I looked: he had tossed an empty bowl inside the room.
Ah ha! He wanted more to eat, and this was the only way he could communicate it. Obviously he could stand to wait a few minutes, but at least I knew what he wanted.
In the Instant Obedience circles I've encountered, a child who obeys despite his own wants or needs is lauded. But it leaves me cold to find out that a child obeyed my command while desperately wanting to tell me something.
Some parents can enforce quiet obedience while still allowing for quiet discussion. I've tried, but it goes against my natural bent. I become harsh and unjust. Instead, I like back-and-forth conversation, and I like knowing that my children have had a chance to present their side. Sometimes it gets noisy and frustrating, but I gave up on having a perfect family nearly as soon as I had my first child.
("When you were growing up, I bet if your mama told you to do something, you did it!" My mama did a superb job of raising me. My in-laws did a marvelous job of raising Darren. I think our approach is essentially the same as theirs, and neither my mother or my mother-in-law feels it necessary to point out the differences. Besides, Mom told me when I first got married, "You'll figure out your own way of doing things. And you'll do it differently from how your mother does it, and feel guilty about it.")
We're still relatively young parents and we're still figuring out things as we go. We listen to veteran parents with great respect. If you're shaking your head and saying, "I don't get your point. Obviously you work with your children and let them discuss things," then hurray! We agree! I'm interested in what you think!
But if you're thinking that no wonder I can't get control of my kids and that you've got some really good advice along the lines of "Shut up and do as I say"... then yay! Now you understand why I'm not listening to you!
-- SJ
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Bad News, Good News
Refrigerator Edition:
The bad news is, the fridge stopped working yesterday.
The good news is, this is our grocery-shopping weekend so there wasn't too much in the freezer to go bad.
The bad news is, what WAS there had to be moved out into the freezer in the garage.
The good news is, it all fit inside.
The weather has been unusually mild this winter. That's good news, unless your fridge isn't cooling and you've got cheese, eggs, and milk to keep cold, in which case a good snowstorm would be useful.
The good news is, milk freezes.
The other good news is, our neighbors made room in their fridge for the cheese and eggs.
The good news is, the repairman came this morning and fixed the fridge.
The bad news is, he said we have to clean out the ten years' worth of gunk underneath.
The really good news is, Daphne was so impressed that we have a working refrigerator, and that many others in the world don't, that she donated $3 out of her bank to children in India via WorldVision.
*
Quiet Play Edition
The bad news is, Pip has outgrown his 2:00 naptime.
The good news is, he'll cooperate with Quiet Play.
The bad news is, I've had to reduce Quiet Play from 45 minutes to 30 minutes to accommodate his two-year-old patience.
The further bad news is, I've been used to sleeping even after the timer goes off, but now I really can't because there's a toddler lose in the house.
The worst news for the household is that I've been short of sleep for about two weeks.
The bad news is, he won't stay in his room alone.
The good news is, he has two sisters who argue over who gets "Pip duty" each afternoon.
The bad news is, he still naps: it's just two hours later, when there's no way I can get any rest.
The good news is, he usually falls asleep cuddled up on my lap on the couch.
*
Birthday Edition
The good news is, I had a birthday this past week. I turned 35.
The bad news is... well, let's see. I'm healthy, I like being older and wiser, my husband still thinks I'm hot, my kids are old enough to realize that Mama gets a special day, and I have lots of family and friends who made a point to wish me a happy birthday.
Guess there's no bad news for this one.
-- SJ
The bad news is, the fridge stopped working yesterday.
The good news is, this is our grocery-shopping weekend so there wasn't too much in the freezer to go bad.
The bad news is, what WAS there had to be moved out into the freezer in the garage.
The good news is, it all fit inside.
The weather has been unusually mild this winter. That's good news, unless your fridge isn't cooling and you've got cheese, eggs, and milk to keep cold, in which case a good snowstorm would be useful.
The good news is, milk freezes.
The other good news is, our neighbors made room in their fridge for the cheese and eggs.
The good news is, the repairman came this morning and fixed the fridge.
The bad news is, he said we have to clean out the ten years' worth of gunk underneath.
The really good news is, Daphne was so impressed that we have a working refrigerator, and that many others in the world don't, that she donated $3 out of her bank to children in India via WorldVision.
*
Quiet Play Edition
The bad news is, Pip has outgrown his 2:00 naptime.
The good news is, he'll cooperate with Quiet Play.
The bad news is, I've had to reduce Quiet Play from 45 minutes to 30 minutes to accommodate his two-year-old patience.
The further bad news is, I've been used to sleeping even after the timer goes off, but now I really can't because there's a toddler lose in the house.
The worst news for the household is that I've been short of sleep for about two weeks.
The bad news is, he won't stay in his room alone.
The good news is, he has two sisters who argue over who gets "Pip duty" each afternoon.
The bad news is, he still naps: it's just two hours later, when there's no way I can get any rest.
The good news is, he usually falls asleep cuddled up on my lap on the couch.
*
Birthday Edition
The good news is, I had a birthday this past week. I turned 35.
The bad news is... well, let's see. I'm healthy, I like being older and wiser, my husband still thinks I'm hot, my kids are old enough to realize that Mama gets a special day, and I have lots of family and friends who made a point to wish me a happy birthday.
Guess there's no bad news for this one.
-- SJ
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Happy Birthday to my Love!
Today is a very special day, because the most wonderful person in all the world is celebrating her birthday.*
Sara makes my life special in many ways, but one of my favorite things about her is her ability to write. In the last couple years, she has taken on writing several articles for a local children's magazine, and I'm always amazed that she comes up with not only interesting topics, but new and different ways to approach them.
I love her smile, her laughs, and her company. She is a fantastic wife and a wonderful mother, and I can't wait to see her after work today!
Please take the opportunity to wish her a happy birthday, and encourage her to do more blog posts so everyone gets the chance to enjoy her writing like I do :)
* Well, actually, the celebration will be this weekend, because my adorable wife has produced adorable children who have AWANA tonight, so there won't be much time to have a party before rushing off in the car.
--DJ
Sara makes my life special in many ways, but one of my favorite things about her is her ability to write. In the last couple years, she has taken on writing several articles for a local children's magazine, and I'm always amazed that she comes up with not only interesting topics, but new and different ways to approach them.
I love her smile, her laughs, and her company. She is a fantastic wife and a wonderful mother, and I can't wait to see her after work today!
Please take the opportunity to wish her a happy birthday, and encourage her to do more blog posts so everyone gets the chance to enjoy her writing like I do :)
* Well, actually, the celebration will be this weekend, because my adorable wife has produced adorable children who have AWANA tonight, so there won't be much time to have a party before rushing off in the car.
--DJ
Monday, January 23, 2012
Mundania 33
Today was the March for Life in D.C. Darren has attended the last four or five years, but had pretty much decided to sit this one out. Until Addi informed him last week at church that she was planning to go in with him.
So, complete with a new umbrella and backpack, she walked with Darren. She held a sign that she'd gotten from someone else ("I am the pro-life generation") and apparently thoroughly enjoyed herself. It's possible that Darren was pretty proud to have his daughter at his side.
**
Oh, right, the backpack. I mentioned the backpack on Facebook, and forty-one of you liked it. Forty-one! I was exclaiming over the number, and Addi agreed that it was a big number "... for one of your posts. I mean, I bet rock stars get forty-one Likes in an hour." Thanks for the perspective adjustment there, darling.
Here's the post that so many people Liked:
Addi needed a new backpack for her library books. I found an LL Bean one for $7. I figured we could overlook the fact that it's already monogrammed. Until we all realized that the monogram "ALB" obviously stands for "Addi's Library Bag." A happy accident that makes me smile every time I look at the backpack.
**
Pip has come a long way since his second birthday (in June) when he could say two words: Mama and Dada. Now he says quite a lot, and some of it is even understandable. Most of his conversation deals with choo-choos, for which he has a deep and abiding love. He watches me put together puzzles, and remarks that the linked pieces are "choo-choos." He also loves "twucks." He also loves starting his own Netflix shows, usually ones that deal with choo-choos and twucks.
But the single most important concept in Phillip's life is: turns. More specifically, his turn. It's his one weapon of power against three older siblings. In Pip's world, it's always "Pup's tuhn."
**
For Christmas, we got Daphne a tea set made up of real, mismatched dishes from the thrift store. It turned out to be hard to find a good time for a tea party because it is, after all, always Pip's turn to have the teapot. So most nights a week, Daphne and I have a tea party before bed. We take turns being the shopkeeper and customer in a magic tea shop, where you can get any kind of tea you think of. There's a set script, and she and I have a good time trading roles. For the record, Daddy also has tea parties with her, following the same script, but he forgets to be charmed with the experience.
**
While Darren and Addi were at the March for Life, and while it was Pip's turn at the computer, Stuart and Daphne and I held a simplified D&D campaign. As usual, I struggled to keep all the numbers in order. But Stuart didn't mind, because while I was trying to keep straight which dice scored damage and which one to use for a difficulty check, Stuart's creativity was on a joyride. "I yank off the spider's leg to use as a club!" "You can't carry around a spider's leg! Look, okay, you can have the spider's fang. It's poisonous." "Yeah! So it gives extra poison damage, right?" Or, "You've defeated the evil skeleton!" "Yeah! Awesome! I take one of its bones to use as a club!" He scored a pretty good shot on a dragon when he set an arrow on fire, attached it to a shovel, and whacked the ice dragon's underbelly with it. It's a wild ride through a labyrinth with Stuart.
Daphne participated, too. Mostly she was pleased that her character name was her birthstone, Peridot, and that she paid 50 gold pieces for a horse halfway through.
***
Darren got me some chocolate wine for my birthday (in two days). It's good.
So, complete with a new umbrella and backpack, she walked with Darren. She held a sign that she'd gotten from someone else ("I am the pro-life generation") and apparently thoroughly enjoyed herself. It's possible that Darren was pretty proud to have his daughter at his side.
**
Oh, right, the backpack. I mentioned the backpack on Facebook, and forty-one of you liked it. Forty-one! I was exclaiming over the number, and Addi agreed that it was a big number "... for one of your posts. I mean, I bet rock stars get forty-one Likes in an hour." Thanks for the perspective adjustment there, darling.
Here's the post that so many people Liked:
Addi needed a new backpack for her library books. I found an LL Bean one for $7. I figured we could overlook the fact that it's already monogrammed. Until we all realized that the monogram "ALB" obviously stands for "Addi's Library Bag." A happy accident that makes me smile every time I look at the backpack.
**
Pip has come a long way since his second birthday (in June) when he could say two words: Mama and Dada. Now he says quite a lot, and some of it is even understandable. Most of his conversation deals with choo-choos, for which he has a deep and abiding love. He watches me put together puzzles, and remarks that the linked pieces are "choo-choos." He also loves "twucks." He also loves starting his own Netflix shows, usually ones that deal with choo-choos and twucks.
But the single most important concept in Phillip's life is: turns. More specifically, his turn. It's his one weapon of power against three older siblings. In Pip's world, it's always "Pup's tuhn."
**
For Christmas, we got Daphne a tea set made up of real, mismatched dishes from the thrift store. It turned out to be hard to find a good time for a tea party because it is, after all, always Pip's turn to have the teapot. So most nights a week, Daphne and I have a tea party before bed. We take turns being the shopkeeper and customer in a magic tea shop, where you can get any kind of tea you think of. There's a set script, and she and I have a good time trading roles. For the record, Daddy also has tea parties with her, following the same script, but he forgets to be charmed with the experience.
**
While Darren and Addi were at the March for Life, and while it was Pip's turn at the computer, Stuart and Daphne and I held a simplified D&D campaign. As usual, I struggled to keep all the numbers in order. But Stuart didn't mind, because while I was trying to keep straight which dice scored damage and which one to use for a difficulty check, Stuart's creativity was on a joyride. "I yank off the spider's leg to use as a club!" "You can't carry around a spider's leg! Look, okay, you can have the spider's fang. It's poisonous." "Yeah! So it gives extra poison damage, right?" Or, "You've defeated the evil skeleton!" "Yeah! Awesome! I take one of its bones to use as a club!" He scored a pretty good shot on a dragon when he set an arrow on fire, attached it to a shovel, and whacked the ice dragon's underbelly with it. It's a wild ride through a labyrinth with Stuart.
Daphne participated, too. Mostly she was pleased that her character name was her birthstone, Peridot, and that she paid 50 gold pieces for a horse halfway through.
***
Darren got me some chocolate wine for my birthday (in two days). It's good.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
2011 in Review - DJ
Questions provided by Queen of Carrots.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Pretty much skipped my birthday, due to Sara being long-term sick and me being short-term sick.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t usually make resolutions, and I don’t remember making any specifically last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?
Not in my immediate family. Several in Sara's.
4. Did anyone close to you get married?
No one really close, although again, Sara's family and friends had some action on this front.
5. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
6. Travel?
A very fun family trip up to Maine and Nova Scotia this summer. We went by train and had a fantastic time.
Also lots of work travel, which is kind of fun for me but no fun at all for the five left at home.
7. Did you move anywhere?
No. After moving the last time (almost 10 years ago now), Sara and I decided that we didn’t ever want to move again. And that was with only one child and less than two years of marriage to accumulate stuff.
8. What was the best month?
June, with the trip North.
9. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A healthier family.
10. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I really can’t think of any particular dates.
11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I did a case in California from beginning to end, and won! That was a blast.
12. What was your biggest failure?
The church that we’ve been attending for 6 years had to stop renting the space we’ve had because we aren’t growing. No, it wasn’t just my failure, but as one of two families who helped start it up, it feels bad. So now we’re meeting in a home, which I’m not at all a fan of, at least long-term.
13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Oh, my, yes. Many, many colds for everyone; Sara’s 3 week bout with fever; Stuart was sick with a fever for about 2 or 3 weeks. It was not a nice healthy year.
14. What was the best thing you bought?
Dungeons and Dragons. We’ve had a lot of fun as a family playing together.
15. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Sara, for getting several articles published and GETTING PAID FOR THEM! Yay, Sara!
16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
I try to avoid being political on my blog, but I’m not sure whether I’m more appalled or depressed at the current executive and legislative branches of our federal government. Probably both words apply depending on the day.
17. Where did most of your money go?
Housing and food. Not in the bank. And regarding the money that is in the 401(k) plan, thankfully not much of it went anywhere. Flat is better than plummeting.
18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to a worship leader conference. Winning a case.
19. What song will always remind you of 2011?
“Mean” by Taylor Swift.
20. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
ii. richer or poorer?
i. Hmmm. Good question. I would say probably sadder, due to the afore-mentioned church move.
ii. Thankfully, a little richer. Mostly due to Sara’s doing the budget. She’s really good at it.
21. What do you wish you'd done more of?
House repairs. I’m not at all good at them, so I tend to do what Dad and I call our “ostrich act” – just bury our heads in the sand and ignore them.
22. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating. I’m still the same weight I was last New Year’s (ok, I lost 2 whole pounds over the course of the year, but it’s basically the same).
23. How will you be spending New Year's Eve/Day?
We spent them enjoying my vacation from work. I took two whole weeks off, and that was great. And dinner with the Shaw family included homemade pasta, which is terrific.
24. What was an unexpected surprise?
Getting to go to the HSLDA National Conference for the first time in 10 years. My legal assistant leaving on short notice. The Virginia earthquake.
25. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Nope, but stayed in love with my best friend Sara. Marriage to her gets better every year.
26. What was the best concert you've been to this year?
None that I can think of, but Matt Maher is coming to this area soon, and I hope to go see him.
27. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes, Season 1. Loved it!
28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
No.
29. What was the best book you read?
I think probably Spellbound by Larry Correia. David Weber’s Out of the Dark was pretty good too.
For non-fiction, Two Years Before the Mast by Richard Henry Dana. Many thanks to Will Estrada for recommending it to me.
30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Taylor Swift.
31. What did you want and get?
A new cross necklace for Christmas. Better organized at work.
32. What did you want and not get?
A new minivan. Maybe this year?
33. What was your favorite film of this year?
X-Men:First Class and Captain America were top notch. I also really liked The Three Musketeers.
34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 38, and I got sick. It was not a stellar birthday.
35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More time to spend with Sara.
36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Fashion? Ha! I don't really care enough to have a "fashion concept," I'm afraid.
37. What kept you sane?
Reading and going out for drives BY MYSELF WITH NO LITTLE VOICES TALKING TO ME.
38. What political issue stirred you the most?
The national debt crisis.
39. Who did you miss?
Sara and the kids, when I was on business travels.
40. Random Memories from 2011?
Having a great time with Addi and Stuart at Virginia’s inclusive homeschool convention. Sitting in a welfare office for 2 hours waiting for my case to be called. Driving a bright yellow car called Ferdinand, listening to Modern Scholar CDs. Our tenth annual All Saints Day party. Getting to meet with some good friends in person instead of just talking over the phone. Flying to Los Angeles and then immediately coming back, because the hearing got postponed while I was in the air. Listening to a CD of "yellow songs" that my friends the Morgans made for me to listen to while driving my yellow car.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Pretty much skipped my birthday, due to Sara being long-term sick and me being short-term sick.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t usually make resolutions, and I don’t remember making any specifically last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?
Not in my immediate family. Several in Sara's.
4. Did anyone close to you get married?
No one really close, although again, Sara's family and friends had some action on this front.
5. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
6. Travel?
A very fun family trip up to Maine and Nova Scotia this summer. We went by train and had a fantastic time.
Also lots of work travel, which is kind of fun for me but no fun at all for the five left at home.
7. Did you move anywhere?
No. After moving the last time (almost 10 years ago now), Sara and I decided that we didn’t ever want to move again. And that was with only one child and less than two years of marriage to accumulate stuff.
8. What was the best month?
June, with the trip North.
9. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A healthier family.
10. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I really can’t think of any particular dates.
11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I did a case in California from beginning to end, and won! That was a blast.
12. What was your biggest failure?
The church that we’ve been attending for 6 years had to stop renting the space we’ve had because we aren’t growing. No, it wasn’t just my failure, but as one of two families who helped start it up, it feels bad. So now we’re meeting in a home, which I’m not at all a fan of, at least long-term.
13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Oh, my, yes. Many, many colds for everyone; Sara’s 3 week bout with fever; Stuart was sick with a fever for about 2 or 3 weeks. It was not a nice healthy year.
14. What was the best thing you bought?
Dungeons and Dragons. We’ve had a lot of fun as a family playing together.
15. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Sara, for getting several articles published and GETTING PAID FOR THEM! Yay, Sara!
16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
I try to avoid being political on my blog, but I’m not sure whether I’m more appalled or depressed at the current executive and legislative branches of our federal government. Probably both words apply depending on the day.
17. Where did most of your money go?
Housing and food. Not in the bank. And regarding the money that is in the 401(k) plan, thankfully not much of it went anywhere. Flat is better than plummeting.
18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to a worship leader conference. Winning a case.
19. What song will always remind you of 2011?
“Mean” by Taylor Swift.
20. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
ii. richer or poorer?
i. Hmmm. Good question. I would say probably sadder, due to the afore-mentioned church move.
ii. Thankfully, a little richer. Mostly due to Sara’s doing the budget. She’s really good at it.
21. What do you wish you'd done more of?
House repairs. I’m not at all good at them, so I tend to do what Dad and I call our “ostrich act” – just bury our heads in the sand and ignore them.
22. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating. I’m still the same weight I was last New Year’s (ok, I lost 2 whole pounds over the course of the year, but it’s basically the same).
23. How will you be spending New Year's Eve/Day?
We spent them enjoying my vacation from work. I took two whole weeks off, and that was great. And dinner with the Shaw family included homemade pasta, which is terrific.
24. What was an unexpected surprise?
Getting to go to the HSLDA National Conference for the first time in 10 years. My legal assistant leaving on short notice. The Virginia earthquake.
25. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Nope, but stayed in love with my best friend Sara. Marriage to her gets better every year.
26. What was the best concert you've been to this year?
None that I can think of, but Matt Maher is coming to this area soon, and I hope to go see him.
27. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes, Season 1. Loved it!
28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
No.
29. What was the best book you read?
I think probably Spellbound by Larry Correia. David Weber’s Out of the Dark was pretty good too.
For non-fiction, Two Years Before the Mast by Richard Henry Dana. Many thanks to Will Estrada for recommending it to me.
30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Taylor Swift.
31. What did you want and get?
A new cross necklace for Christmas. Better organized at work.
32. What did you want and not get?
A new minivan. Maybe this year?
33. What was your favorite film of this year?
X-Men:First Class and Captain America were top notch. I also really liked The Three Musketeers.
34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 38, and I got sick. It was not a stellar birthday.
35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More time to spend with Sara.
36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Fashion? Ha! I don't really care enough to have a "fashion concept," I'm afraid.
37. What kept you sane?
Reading and going out for drives BY MYSELF WITH NO LITTLE VOICES TALKING TO ME.
38. What political issue stirred you the most?
The national debt crisis.
39. Who did you miss?
Sara and the kids, when I was on business travels.
40. Random Memories from 2011?
Having a great time with Addi and Stuart at Virginia’s inclusive homeschool convention. Sitting in a welfare office for 2 hours waiting for my case to be called. Driving a bright yellow car called Ferdinand, listening to Modern Scholar CDs. Our tenth annual All Saints Day party. Getting to meet with some good friends in person instead of just talking over the phone. Flying to Los Angeles and then immediately coming back, because the hearing got postponed while I was in the air. Listening to a CD of "yellow songs" that my friends the Morgans made for me to listen to while driving my yellow car.
2011 in Review -- SJ
Borrowed from Queen of Carrots.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Rode a train. Related question: What did you resolve to do again as soon as you can?
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t make resolutions. I’m not that type of person. No, really, there are people who don’t feel the need to make and accomplish goals. I know, right? Like, ‘Seriously? I’m going to make it a goal to meet five of these people this year!’
3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?
I’m always nervous about this question because I’m afraid I’ll forget someone important. Like in 2010 when I forgot that I was the one who’d had the baby in 2009. Anyway, one sister had a baby and the other sister has one on the way.
4. Did anyone close to you get married?
My oldest niece, Courtney. My good friend Jessica.
5. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
6. Travel?
Just a couple thousand miles north to Maine and Canada and back (add another couple thousand miles there).
And I went to California by myself for a friend’s wedding, which was a big deal for Darren and me both.
7. Did you move anywhere?
No. And that’s good, because I’ve finally put down roots here.
8. What was the best month?
June/July/August. We took our trip North to see cousins and grandparents and siblings and aunts and uncles. (It still startles me that I have such a vast array of Northern relatives now.) Then in August, my niece Katie visited. Her visit overlapped with my mother’s visit. My life here is good but very lacking in Family, so this summer was particularly good in that respect.
9. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Easy, enjoyable Sundays.
10. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
If I can’t remember, does that answer the question? I’ll have to say September 28 – October 19, when I was sick with a fever and ate ibuprofen like candy.
11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Educating three children while dealing with a toddler. Also, picking up a regular column with Child Guide magazine.
12. What was your biggest failure?
Not dealing with a conflict in a forthright manner, but rather sulkily. Which hasn’t improved the situation, in case anyone is wondering.
13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The month of February was jolly because there was someone sick every day of that month. Pretty much all of October and November, thanks to The Fever and the cold that came along afterward.
14. What was the best thing you bought?
This netbook that I’m typing on. Now I don’t have to fight the kids for the computer, plus I can be on Facebook like ALL DAY, so obviously my life is much better.
15. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Darren, who was swamped at work at the same time that the household was falling in because I spent every day on a mattress in the dining room, eating ibuprofen.
Stuart and Daphne, who formerly couldn’t be in the same room without fighting, but this past year have grown into being able to play together sometimes. Our neighbor Evan, who is friends with both Stuart and Daphne, helps bridge the gap.
Addi, who cooks her own breakfast, can do some grocery shopping on her own, and once let me nap while she cleaned up an awful diaper mess of Pip’s.
Pip, whose self-potty-training efforts have improved dramatically.
16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
Oh, who knows? Obviously nothing I want to think about.
17. Where did most of your money go?
Food, I think. An unreasonable amount on clothes for my CA trip (I was willing to spend a lot to feel pretty and confident). Oh, and also a pretty good chunk toward that trip North.
18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to California for Jessica’s wedding, where I was reunited with good friends for a weekend.
Continuing to freelance for Child Guide, including the regular columns about NAMES!
Christmas, because Darren got to take a good long vacation from work.
A summer full of family, as mentioned.
19. What song will always remind you of 2011?
How will I know, until years later when I hear a song and realize, “That makes me think of….” But probably “Rhythm of Love” by Plain White T’s. I first heard it on a slideshow of Jessica’s wedding pictures, and have listened to it about twenty-five dozen times since.
20. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
ii. richer or poorer?
i. Happier. The kids are getting older. Pip is out of the worst of the toddler stage. Darren and I did nothing for our eleventh anniversary (I was sick, he was busy) and discovered that it didn’t really matter too much because we’re happy to be together every day.
ii. Hm. I haven’t tackled the budget since Christmas, ask me later... I think after a few big expenses this year, we’re a little poorer, but I’m darn sure not complaining.
21. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Concentrated writing. Community events. Volunteer work. Read more books. Gotten to hang out with my family, who is so far away from me.
22. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cleaned up awful diaper messes. Making lunch. Shouted. Passively waited for something I didn’t like to change itself.
23. How will you be spending New Year's Eve/Day?
We did it already. We spent New Year’s at the Shaws, something we do many holidays.
24. What was an unexpected surprise?
Aren’t all surprises unexpected? I was surprised how much I, who am not a “beach person” or a "Northern person," loved gray sky and red sand of the Nova Scotia coast.
25. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes, every day with a man who has a red beard and blue eyes and a quietly mischievous sense of humor.
26. What was the best concert you've been to this year?
DJ and I got to see a favorite band, L’Angelus, twice in one weekend. Um, wait. That might have been the summer before. Oh, well, it warrants a mention anyway.
27. What was your favorite TV program?
I don’t watch TV shows. But I glanced over Darren’s shoulder occasionally as he watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Heroes.
28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
Possibly, but unless it’s a fictional character or a celebrity, it’s not like I’m going to spill details on my blog.
29. What was the best book you read?
Lost Communities of Virginia by Terri Fisher and Kirsten Sparenborg. It traced the history of thirty has-been communities in the state, along with photographs of sagging buildings and interviews with the remaining elderly residents. I wallowed in it.
30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Pandora!
31. What did you want and get?
A netbook.
32. What did you want and not get?
A writing project with a guaranteed success if I finish it.
33. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Help. I thought it did justice to the book, and it was visually pleasing to watch. Oh, but TinTin was so much fun too.
34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 34. I threw myself a party, invited four or five good friends, and we all read aloud from some of our favorite books. My friend Deidre planned it for me. My sister Rosemary said I was a nerd and had nerdy friends.
35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
That persistent situation that I keep making veiled references to, if it had resolved or gone away instead of doing neither.
36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Comfortable, improved on average, less stuffy.
37. What kept you sane?
Writing, blogging, Facebooking, friends, seeing family, escaping with my netbook to our grocery store – it has a small café, wifi, and is open all night.
38. What political issue stirred you the most?
The concept of civil rights – thoughts inspired by The Help – and how it applies or not to today’s gay marriage movement.
39. Who did you miss?
My sisters. My grandmother, who died many years ago but showed up in a dream a few weeks ago and hugged me.
40. Random Memories from 2011?
The beach with Grandpa and Nana.
Going contra-dancing finally with Darren.
Trying my first margarita.
Watching Addi get her long, thick hair cut off up above her ears.
Pip at the train station when Mam was leaving, hands over his ears and unable to take his eyes off the big, loud choo-choo rushing toward us.
Playing D&D as a family, with even Daphne participating.
Stuart wanting to be a Golden Snitch for Halloween – and Mom and I making the costume.
Darren kissing me goodnight on our anniversary, as I lay burning up with fever.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Rode a train. Related question: What did you resolve to do again as soon as you can?
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t make resolutions. I’m not that type of person. No, really, there are people who don’t feel the need to make and accomplish goals. I know, right? Like, ‘Seriously? I’m going to make it a goal to meet five of these people this year!’
3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?
I’m always nervous about this question because I’m afraid I’ll forget someone important. Like in 2010 when I forgot that I was the one who’d had the baby in 2009. Anyway, one sister had a baby and the other sister has one on the way.
4. Did anyone close to you get married?
My oldest niece, Courtney. My good friend Jessica.
5. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
6. Travel?
Just a couple thousand miles north to Maine and Canada and back (add another couple thousand miles there).
And I went to California by myself for a friend’s wedding, which was a big deal for Darren and me both.
7. Did you move anywhere?
No. And that’s good, because I’ve finally put down roots here.
8. What was the best month?
June/July/August. We took our trip North to see cousins and grandparents and siblings and aunts and uncles. (It still startles me that I have such a vast array of Northern relatives now.) Then in August, my niece Katie visited. Her visit overlapped with my mother’s visit. My life here is good but very lacking in Family, so this summer was particularly good in that respect.
9. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Easy, enjoyable Sundays.
10. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
If I can’t remember, does that answer the question? I’ll have to say September 28 – October 19, when I was sick with a fever and ate ibuprofen like candy.
11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Educating three children while dealing with a toddler. Also, picking up a regular column with Child Guide magazine.
12. What was your biggest failure?
Not dealing with a conflict in a forthright manner, but rather sulkily. Which hasn’t improved the situation, in case anyone is wondering.
13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The month of February was jolly because there was someone sick every day of that month. Pretty much all of October and November, thanks to The Fever and the cold that came along afterward.
14. What was the best thing you bought?
This netbook that I’m typing on. Now I don’t have to fight the kids for the computer, plus I can be on Facebook like ALL DAY, so obviously my life is much better.
15. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Darren, who was swamped at work at the same time that the household was falling in because I spent every day on a mattress in the dining room, eating ibuprofen.
Stuart and Daphne, who formerly couldn’t be in the same room without fighting, but this past year have grown into being able to play together sometimes. Our neighbor Evan, who is friends with both Stuart and Daphne, helps bridge the gap.
Addi, who cooks her own breakfast, can do some grocery shopping on her own, and once let me nap while she cleaned up an awful diaper mess of Pip’s.
Pip, whose self-potty-training efforts have improved dramatically.
16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
Oh, who knows? Obviously nothing I want to think about.
17. Where did most of your money go?
Food, I think. An unreasonable amount on clothes for my CA trip (I was willing to spend a lot to feel pretty and confident). Oh, and also a pretty good chunk toward that trip North.
18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to California for Jessica’s wedding, where I was reunited with good friends for a weekend.
Continuing to freelance for Child Guide, including the regular columns about NAMES!
Christmas, because Darren got to take a good long vacation from work.
A summer full of family, as mentioned.
19. What song will always remind you of 2011?
How will I know, until years later when I hear a song and realize, “That makes me think of….” But probably “Rhythm of Love” by Plain White T’s. I first heard it on a slideshow of Jessica’s wedding pictures, and have listened to it about twenty-five dozen times since.
20. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
ii. richer or poorer?
i. Happier. The kids are getting older. Pip is out of the worst of the toddler stage. Darren and I did nothing for our eleventh anniversary (I was sick, he was busy) and discovered that it didn’t really matter too much because we’re happy to be together every day.
ii. Hm. I haven’t tackled the budget since Christmas, ask me later... I think after a few big expenses this year, we’re a little poorer, but I’m darn sure not complaining.
21. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Concentrated writing. Community events. Volunteer work. Read more books. Gotten to hang out with my family, who is so far away from me.
22. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cleaned up awful diaper messes. Making lunch. Shouted. Passively waited for something I didn’t like to change itself.
23. How will you be spending New Year's Eve/Day?
We did it already. We spent New Year’s at the Shaws, something we do many holidays.
24. What was an unexpected surprise?
Aren’t all surprises unexpected? I was surprised how much I, who am not a “beach person” or a "Northern person," loved gray sky and red sand of the Nova Scotia coast.
25. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes, every day with a man who has a red beard and blue eyes and a quietly mischievous sense of humor.
26. What was the best concert you've been to this year?
DJ and I got to see a favorite band, L’Angelus, twice in one weekend. Um, wait. That might have been the summer before. Oh, well, it warrants a mention anyway.
27. What was your favorite TV program?
I don’t watch TV shows. But I glanced over Darren’s shoulder occasionally as he watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Heroes.
28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
Possibly, but unless it’s a fictional character or a celebrity, it’s not like I’m going to spill details on my blog.
29. What was the best book you read?
Lost Communities of Virginia by Terri Fisher and Kirsten Sparenborg. It traced the history of thirty has-been communities in the state, along with photographs of sagging buildings and interviews with the remaining elderly residents. I wallowed in it.
30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Pandora!
31. What did you want and get?
A netbook.
32. What did you want and not get?
A writing project with a guaranteed success if I finish it.
33. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Help. I thought it did justice to the book, and it was visually pleasing to watch. Oh, but TinTin was so much fun too.
34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 34. I threw myself a party, invited four or five good friends, and we all read aloud from some of our favorite books. My friend Deidre planned it for me. My sister Rosemary said I was a nerd and had nerdy friends.
35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
That persistent situation that I keep making veiled references to, if it had resolved or gone away instead of doing neither.
36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Comfortable, improved on average, less stuffy.
37. What kept you sane?
Writing, blogging, Facebooking, friends, seeing family, escaping with my netbook to our grocery store – it has a small café, wifi, and is open all night.
38. What political issue stirred you the most?
The concept of civil rights – thoughts inspired by The Help – and how it applies or not to today’s gay marriage movement.
39. Who did you miss?
My sisters. My grandmother, who died many years ago but showed up in a dream a few weeks ago and hugged me.
40. Random Memories from 2011?
The beach with Grandpa and Nana.
Going contra-dancing finally with Darren.
Trying my first margarita.
Watching Addi get her long, thick hair cut off up above her ears.
Pip at the train station when Mam was leaving, hands over his ears and unable to take his eyes off the big, loud choo-choo rushing toward us.
Playing D&D as a family, with even Daphne participating.
Stuart wanting to be a Golden Snitch for Halloween – and Mom and I making the costume.
Darren kissing me goodnight on our anniversary, as I lay burning up with fever.
Monday, January 02, 2012
The Tight Pants
I don't know what I was thinking, buying this size pants at Target.
In my defense, I was in a hurry. Darren and I had taken the kids to an indoor play place, Monkey Joe's, which was in the same shopping center as Target. Phillip had a cough, but it didn't seem to slow him down much. About twenty minutes into the playing, Phillip's cough got too bad and brought up his breakfast. It got all over him and soaked one knee of my pants. I and the manager got everything cleaned up and sanitized (my own children's vomit holds very little horror for me), but Pip and I stank.
So I hurried over to Target to get some cheap replacement clothes. Why, yes, I'm an upper middle-class American mom, why do you ask? Anyway, it was no problem finding clothes for Phillip. For myself, I found a pair of sporty knit pants. I hesitated between two sizes: one might be too small for my round middle, but the other might be too long for my short legs. Then I remembered, I get this size at Fashion Bug. It'll work.
But the thing is, Fashion Bug's clothes are designed with the idea that women who are older than sixteen aren't shaped like girls who are still sixteen.
Target just doesn't GET this idea. "OMG!" it says. "Seriously? Like, maybe you're just fat? #eyeroll."
So the pants I got are too tight. They go beyond "hugging" my curves; they're at risk of physical assault. They were okay for the rest of the time at Monkey Joe's; I doubt anyone paid attention to what I had on. As my mom says, if I knew how much people really noticed me, I'd be disappointed. (It was either Mom or Eleanore Roosevelt who said that, anyway.) Now that I'm home, though, the Tight Pants are officially for just around the house. My husband, for one, doesn't mind them in the least.
-- SJ
Target: *smh* #facepalm
Note: For those people older than sixteen, who don't text like people still sixteen:
OMG = oh my god, oh my gosh. I think people actually pronounce it "oh em gee," though.
smh = shaking my head
# = hashtag for Twitter so people can follow your posts or something. I'm not a Twitter person.
facepalm = dropping your head into your hand, so overcome are you with the stupidity in front of you.
fat = any size or shape that isn't the airbrushed computer-modified Hollywood ideal for a sixteen year old
In my defense, I was in a hurry. Darren and I had taken the kids to an indoor play place, Monkey Joe's, which was in the same shopping center as Target. Phillip had a cough, but it didn't seem to slow him down much. About twenty minutes into the playing, Phillip's cough got too bad and brought up his breakfast. It got all over him and soaked one knee of my pants. I and the manager got everything cleaned up and sanitized (my own children's vomit holds very little horror for me), but Pip and I stank.
So I hurried over to Target to get some cheap replacement clothes. Why, yes, I'm an upper middle-class American mom, why do you ask? Anyway, it was no problem finding clothes for Phillip. For myself, I found a pair of sporty knit pants. I hesitated between two sizes: one might be too small for my round middle, but the other might be too long for my short legs. Then I remembered, I get this size at Fashion Bug. It'll work.
But the thing is, Fashion Bug's clothes are designed with the idea that women who are older than sixteen aren't shaped like girls who are still sixteen.
Target just doesn't GET this idea. "OMG!" it says. "Seriously? Like, maybe you're just fat? #eyeroll."
So the pants I got are too tight. They go beyond "hugging" my curves; they're at risk of physical assault. They were okay for the rest of the time at Monkey Joe's; I doubt anyone paid attention to what I had on. As my mom says, if I knew how much people really noticed me, I'd be disappointed. (It was either Mom or Eleanore Roosevelt who said that, anyway.) Now that I'm home, though, the Tight Pants are officially for just around the house. My husband, for one, doesn't mind them in the least.
-- SJ
Target: *smh* #facepalm
Note: For those people older than sixteen, who don't text like people still sixteen:
OMG = oh my god, oh my gosh. I think people actually pronounce it "oh em gee," though.
smh = shaking my head
# = hashtag for Twitter so people can follow your posts or something. I'm not a Twitter person.
facepalm = dropping your head into your hand, so overcome are you with the stupidity in front of you.
fat = any size or shape that isn't the airbrushed computer-modified Hollywood ideal for a sixteen year old
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