Portrait of a Family

Interoffice email from Suzanne:
Hey Darren,
We need a photo of your family for an article about HSLDA attorneys.

From Darren to Suzanne, ccd to Sara:
I think the attached picture should work fine. What do you think, Sara?






From Sara:
I like that one! I look so thin!

From Suzanne:
And the strong family resemblances really come out in that one, too.

The Virtual Socialite III

Part I
Part II

Friday, 11th –
The workshop went very well. It was well-attended (the theatre manager said he counted sixty, but that was just to make me feel better; there couldn't have been over fifty there). Not only did they find my presentation interesting, but at least seven said they would come to church on Sunday. It ended up that I had to take the boys with me. They were very good. I held Matthew throughout the presentation, and everyone said that it really enhanced the performance. How nice to end a day with that glow that follows a job well done!

Saturday, 12th –
Today we attended a birthday party at the home of a friend – in one of those really upscale Northern Virginia homes! I was afraid I'd get lost on the way to the party, but the butler found us wandering near the kitchen and directed us to the playroom on the third floor, so we got there in time. The boys were very good. Everybody else's kids behaved terribly! I was proud of my sons, but had to be a bit firm with Phillip when he wanted a second helping of cake. He was disappointed, but realized that I, as his mother, know best. Motherhood is so rewarding!

Sunday, 13th –
At church today, we had a bigger congregation than usual, seeing as twenty from the theatre audience attended. Four of them expressed interest in joining, and all immediately volunteered to help with music, nursery, and setup. Saw Sara Jones and got to talk to her, which really made my day, as she's probably the most brilliant conversationalist I know. And her kids are precious; I never see them misbehaving in church. What a mother she must be!

Monday, 14th –
Okay, I am so excited I can hardly write. David came home and announced that it was time for us to have a little break. Next month, we're all going to the Carribean for two weeks! It really has been an intense time, what with social engagements, training up the children, and exercising every day! I'm so grateful for these little times of refreshing that the Lord gives us.

Tuesday, 15th –
On the way home from the grocery store today, I stopped in at an antiques store and found a charming rocking horse dating back to the 18th century. Most people would hesitate to let their kids play on something like that, but I believe in using what I buy. At first I was afraid there wouldn't be anywhere in their room to keep it, but Phillip and Jacob volunteered to donate all their Legos and army men to make room for it. The boys have such an appreciation for beautiful things!

Wednesday, 16th –
W.'s office called today for advice, only the first time this month. I'm glad to help but as his term runs out it seems that he’s even less inclined than usual to run the country on his own. I let the voice mail get it.

Six Unspectacular Quirks (Edited)

Tagged by QoC. I'm glad it specifies "unspectacular" because I'm SO tired of telling people about how I go out every night to catch rabbits for my pet jaguar.

1. I almost always stop the microwave about three seconds before it beeps.

2. I still occasionally daydream about having magic powers and saving the world.

3. I won't let Darren finish a phone conversation with "Well, I have to take off now," because that's how he ended all our conversations when we were engaged and living a thousand miles apart. It still gives me an unpleasant sinking feeling when I hear it.

4. I still consistently mix up my left and right.

5. My shopping habits are informed by illogical loyalties or antipathies. There's only one Indian restaurant I'll eat at, NOT the new one; I scorn any coffee shop that sets itself up as a competitor to my beloved local chain; any store with more than two locations in a town annoys me; and I haven't shopped at Wal-Mart, except for a couple of deviations, for over two years. I just read in the paper that Wal-Mart is going to put a THIRD super-center in the area, and furthermore they want to put it two miles down the road from me, and it made me mad enough to want to shred the paper.

6. I'm fairly easily distracted and prone to leave things unfinished. With all proper thanks to my husband for the heads-up.

I tag... You!

-- SJ

What We Think -- "Prince Caspian"

I feel highly qualified to write a review of Prince Caspian because I've seen it twice. As mentioned, Leah and I saw it Saturday. I couldn't stand it that Darren hadn't seen it yet, meaning that I couldn't talk about it... Wait, actually, what I meant to say is that I knew how much Darren wanted to see it so being the good wife I am I facilitated events to allow him to see it tonight. Also I went along. So now I can talk about it.

To begin with, I am absolutely in love with Edmund. Yes, the younger brother. Not Peter the hot-head. Not even Caspian the hottie. Edmund has my heart. He strolls into the scene, does whatever is necessary, gives a wry comment, and then leaves Peter to go rushing off to have some other emotional crisis. He shows back up in time to rescue Peter from whatever mess he's gotten himself into. I love Edmund.

(Note: Not to say that Caspian is hard on the eyes or anything. Mmm, his eyes.)

But, moving on. Aside from Edmund and Caspian, there's also this movie. This is the method the filmmakers used to write the Caspian script: They took all the pages out of a copy of the book, rearranged all of them, and then scanned in the result. The result is, in my opinion... maybe I should whisper this... let me preface this remark by saying that I love C.S. Lewis' work and I grew up on the Narnia books... the result of this scriptwriting method is An Improved Story. They made it better. There. I said it.

There were a few major changes: Prince Caspian himself is much older than in the book, and Peter is way more modern teenager than he is ancient high king. It works well onscreen, especially tension between Peter and Caspian. The script rearranged the way the story is told, so the pacing is better -- a lot less tromping through the woods and eating apples. Onscreen, Susan is promoted to captain of the archers and a warrior queen, but hey, she's an ancient queen called out to save her country. A few deadly arrows becomes her. Trumpkin, although altered slightly from his character in the book, is good fun. Miraz is excellent as both a tyrant and a coward.

Of course, those of us who know the story well could fill in gaps that I think non-readers will be puzzled over. They don't make a big enough deal out of the Telmarine fear of the woods, so the grand arrival of the Trees is sort of anti-climactic. Aslan is given his usual cryptic lines that, if I weren't faithfully devoted to him, would make me want to pull his mane out one hair at a time. The grand climax with the River God is pretty random, too, unless you know the story.

I'm going to make a momentous statement here. You'll want to print it out and highlight it. Here goes: I liked the action scenes. Normally I'm all done with action scenes about thirty seconds in, but these weren't so bad. They showed imagination and very little blood (apparently nobody bleeds in Narnia). Darren, on the other hand, was criticizing the Narnian archers for going after the cavalry, and he figures he could have taken Aslan's Howe with a lot fewer casualties. Not that he said any of this during the movie, of course. He is famous (between the two of us) for saying one measly thing during the first Narnia movie: "Cool."

(Leah and I, on the other hand, kept up a running commentary, which can be pretty much condensed to: "They did that character very well!" "I wish I had a dress like Susan's." "Prince Caspian just isn't too bad looking, is he?")

How much do you want to know about the movie, if you haven't seen it? I'll just be cryptic. Although Susan's final farewell to Narnia is a shocking departure from her Lewis days, I liked it. I'm actually a little worried about myself: I've become soft in my oldish age. I've seen several beloved books made into movies, and I make all kinds of allowances for the sake of a good viewing experience.

Still, we didn't have to make too many allowances to enjoy Prince Caspian. I liked it, think it was a good adaptation, and of course if somebody gave me a poster of Edmund or Caspian, I'd probably be civil and keep it.

-- SJ

A Hypothetical Situation

Hypothetically speaking, if Sara and her friend Leah went to go see Prince Caspian this afternoon, leaving Daddy with the three kids, let’s hypothetically say that Daddy was remarkably uninspired about cooking supper for three thunderclouds. Let us further hypothesize that Daphne went to Chik-fil-A wearing her big sister’s tank-top, because Daddy was uninspired about hunting down a clean shirt that actually fit. Further, let us imagine that Daddy asked Stuart to dress himself, resulting in Stuart also feeling uninspired about hunting down shorts that belong to him. Hypothetically, this might result in Daddy noticing halfway through dinner at the restaurant that Stuart is wearing one of Addie’s skirts.

This would all be hypothetical, of course.

--DJ

The Virtual Socialite II

The fabricated social life of Gina, mother of three, continues.

Sunday, 6th –
What a joy it is to go to church! It's so refreshing sitting together as a family that I hated to send the boys to nursery, but the teachers say they need them there to help keep things calm! The boys begged to come back in with us after a while, thought, so I relented. Once home from church, we kept the day free, turning down a few dinner invitations just to relax at home. David and I had a nice time of catch-up while the boys napped and then played quietly in their rooms. Sundays are so good for winding down from the week!

Monday, 7th –
Decided to do the Theatre workshop this week, so went to the library to research and prepare. It felt good to put in a couple hours' hard work. Meanwhile, Phillip read to Jacob while Matthew simply enjoyed the peace and quiet. Honestly, it was hard to get the kids out of the place when I was done! Francois was back tonight so we got a good homecooked meal tonight. (David just loves it when he gets home and I'm putting dinner on the table! It's one of the joys of my day!)

Tuesday, 8th –
Needed some "girl time" today, so on the spur of the moment I lined up a babysitter and called a friend to go out to lunch. That's really one of the blessings of being an at-home mom –- you can arrange quick social visits like that.

Wednesday, 9th -
The Garden Club called again. They simply can't believe that I just arrange my flowers by knack! It isn't any harder than upholstering chairs, really, although I've found it difficult to fit in big projects like that recently. Still haven't given them an answer – life is just so full! Was looking in my closet, deciding what to wear for the workshop, and realized that I really must go shopping. I need a new black formal dress, as my current one is about a year old, and none of my silver heels were quite suitable.

Thursday, 10th –
It was a frustrating day today. I realize that all mothers face these days, but it doesn't make them any easier. The kids were very cranky – Matthew cried on and off for an entire half an hour this morning – and I barely got my shopping done. After only the third store, the kids started whining. At least I managed to find a couple of new blouses and a dress. I'll just have to make do with the shoes, I guess. Wow, motherhood is a real sacrifice.

Irritations

That in order to keep prices down and discourage unethical bargain-hunters, our grocery store no longer sells discounted day-old bread.

That the bakery worker who told me that the day-old bread wasn't for sale also snapped at me as if I were a two-year-old poking holes in the plastic wrap ("That's not for sale, ma'am, put that down!") and I didn't call her on it.

That there was (Darren and I suspect) a back-room deal at the local city festival that the women wouldn't protest an all-male "stag party" as long as the organizers allowed fund-raisers for the abused women's shelter.

That the aforementioned fund-raiser was a woman dressed in a tummy-exposing halter top and cut-off short-shorts, selling cigars. Way to appeal to the baser nature of men to raise money to protect women from the baser nature of men.

That an all-female gathering passes without notice, but an all-male gathering is somehow offensive. The loss of strictly-male camaraderie makes it even harder for men to make friends of their own sex in this disconnected, sexually-charged culture.

That I tried adding 99 plus 99 in my head and came up with 298. And, furthermore, that I corrected Stuart, who came up with 198.

-- SJ

Assorted Pictures

Addie dragged out all of these blankets (if you made Addie a blanket as a baby gift, you probably will see yours here). Daphne knows what to do with "bwanks," and communicated that desire to me. Here you see her studying her toes through the crochet.




Yes, they're reading together. Yes, it's a book on mythology. Yes, it's a comic-book version of mythology, which is pretty much the magic formula for Stuart. Yes, it's amazingly cute.



"Mr. Jones has noticed a change in his life since the arrival of the children. For instance, his single life didn't involve Barbies in anything like the quantity it does now."



A rare shot of Sara and Dana in the same room together (not to be confused with my beloved word-processor Dana).


But actually I like this one better.



-- SJ

Attention: Name Enthusiasts

As I was thoughtfully notified by my fellow name enthusiast Kristen R.:

The Social Security Administration, in their usual celebration of Mother's Day, has posted the Top Names of 2007. Not many surprises in the top 10. But if you scroll down to the "Popular Names by Birth Year" and choose the Top 1000 for 2007, you'll find yourself thinking, "How did THAT name get on there?"

(As Darren said, "There were more Nancys born last year than Daphnes? What is this world coming to?")

Although Stuart seems to be firmly out of fashion right now, Daphne is on its way to the top 500. And Adelaide -- it wasn't even in the top 1000 last year, and this year it's 712! Part of me rejoices that the nation recognizes great names when it sees them. Most of me shouts, "Grubs off! I found these names first! MINE!"

Enjoy!

-- SJ

The Virtual Socialite: A Vicarious Life for the Socially Comatose

Darren retrieved some old files of mine off a disk. I haven't looked at them for a couple of years, and as usual when I come across something of my own creation, I thought this one was pretty darn funny. I wrote it for a friend who was at home with three boys, then ages 4, 2, and infant. She had no time for phone calls or emailing, much less actually getting out and visiting. So I provided her with a life, which I'm sure she appreciated deeply. Here are the first few entries of her "social calendar." Note: since she doesn't know I'm posting this, I'm going to change her name and her family's names.


Social Calendar of Gina Hackett,
wife of David,
mother of Phillip (4), Jacob (2), and Matthew (6 mos)

Tuesday, 1st –
I can’t believe it’s March already. In anticipation of spring, I bought some fresh flowers to go in the living room, and arranged them in my antique crystal vase. The arrangement was much admired by the ladies who came for my Tuesday-afternoon tea. This little gathering, by the way, has become “the thing to do” lately. One lady told me that she cancelled a meeting with a client because “nobody misses going to Gina Hackett's!”

Wednesday, 2nd –
Spent today in the comfort of my home, which is truly a haven from the busyness of the outside world. Phillip and I did school, and I was quite pleased at his progress. I had to stop him from doing the entire week’s work this morning! Jacob played quietly with a puzzle the whole time, and Matthew slept in my arms. What a day well-spent.

Thursday, 3rd –
Bit of a crisis today. I had the house only half-cleaned – the baseboards looked disgraceful, as I haven’t dusted them for a week – when the president of the local Garden Club came to the door. I welcomed her in as graciously as I could and asked her to stay for tea. She had come to ask if I would arrange all the club’s flowers for their meetings; her sister had seen my arrangement on Tuesday and couldn’t stop raving! I was flattered, but said I need to check my calendar first.

Friday, 4th –
Since David has to work this weekend, I decided I wouldn’t bother with real meals, so I gave Francois the weekend off. He baked me the most exquisite souffle before he left – what a dear! The boys and I ate macaroni and cheese. I had to be quite firm with little Jacob, but in the end he did wipe up his spilled food and wash his dishes. All kids need is a firm, loving hand, and they are so happy to comply!

Saturday, 5th –
Hard to decide what to do today. I had so many invitations it gave me a headache! The Historical Theatre has been begging me for weeks to come give a workshop on liturgical dance. Meanwhile, there were two separate cocktail parties on for the evening – “Children not invited, but we’ll make an exception for your boys because they’re never out of place!” Actually, I didn’t even have to take the boys, since I had three different people offer to babysit for free. In the end I decided to attend the Literary Club. Imagine my astonishment when they asked me to step in as the guest speaker! Good thing I finished War and Remembrance last night.

To be continued...

Attention: Writers

Writer's Digest is holding their annual writing contest. Deadline is May 15 (late entry June 2). This is a heads-up for anyone interested in entering the contest. I submitted three stories, so I'd appreciate it if whatever you submit is of lesser quality. Thank you for your consideration.

-- SJ

Good News, Bad News

It was Sunday. As anyone who reads this blog knows, that usually qualifies as "bad news." In this case, it was only the beginning of a much longer story.

The bad news was, it was a big Sunday for Darren, who leads the music at church. He was under some pressure because he'd invited a music-ministry couple from another church to give suggestions on the music in the service.

The good news was, he'd set up a babysitter after church so I could go out to lunch with him, the visiting couple, and the other church musician.

The bad news was, ten minutes after I got up, I developed the symptoms of a migraine headache (due to lack of sleep for THE PAST TWO WEEKS).

The good news was, we had Excedrin, which meant I could function through the headache once my vision cleared up. (Migraines, for the uninitiated, often begin with "blank spots" in your field of sight or flashing lights at the corner of your vision. It nauseates me so I have to keep my eyes closed for the first fifteen minutes.) I went back to bed, and Darren went off to church in the van with three kids in tow.

The good news was, the Excedrin blocked most of the pain, so I got dressed and started off for church. Plus Excedrin is packed with caffeine, so I was on a serious buzz.

The bad news was, I still had the headache under the medicine, so I wasn't thinking clearly. So when the gas light went on about two miles down the road, I instantly assumed it was a crisis. (We live, what, five miles from church?)

The good news was, I made it to the gas station about halfway between church and home.

The bad news was, I'd left my purse... and wallet... and cell phone... in the van. Which was already at the church.

So, in what my headache-influenced brain thought was a logical course of action, I locked the car and started off for church on foot.

The good news was, there was a sidewalk on the overpass that crosses the major interstate.

The bad news was, by the time I got to church, I was coming off my Excedrin-induced caffeine high, and shortly gave up sitting upright in the pew. I sat out in the parish hall in a comfortable wing chair instead. Addie evidently had informed everyone of my headache already, so anyone who saw me there smiled sympathetically and walked softly around me.

The good news was, when I got to church, Daphne was happily eating "pwessles" (pretzels) in the nursery with one of the teenagers. And Addie and Stuart were sitting in the back pew with one of the other teenagers. Both kids were sitting quietly.

They. Were. Sitting. Quietly.

It was worth the whole rigamarole just to witness that moment.

-- SJ

Good Advice?

Jenna, commenting on the post below, suggested I make my pictures smaller to reduce the upload time. So here goes:


(Guess who's gazing at her daddy?)




The computer is the focal point of our decor.



It's spring and has been raining a lot lately... look what sprang up in our backyard! (I let Nina harvest two of them.)

-- SJ

JENNA! You're WONDERFUL! That cut down my posting time by, oh, twenty-seven minutes?! I think I can safely promise... more pictures, more frequently!

Gather 'Round for Pictures!

If it happened that you were a young man who went to Scotland eleven years ago, and wanted to buy a completely impractical but utterly cool sword, and prudently decided you shouldn't spend the money on it, and have ever since regretted not buying it, then when you have a five-year-old son, he's likely to get a sword like this:




And here's how you look pretty with a sword, very important for warrior princesses:



Meanwhile, rumors are that a certain almost-two-year-old got told No once:



-- SJ

(Why don't I post pictures more often? For reference, it took me 30 minutes to do this post: 10 minutes' upload per picture. That's why.)

How to Make Friends

I wrote this for a few friends a while back, and thought I'd give it wider circulation. As many of my loved ones know, I adore giving advice.

How To Make Friends

or, How I Made Friends,

or, Things To Do That Will Make Making Friends Easier,

or, Lots of Advice That May or May Not Be Helpful

Every time I tried mentally organizing this post, it came out sounding like a diet-program testimonial. (Wacky coincidence, seeing as I certainly wouldn't *read* diet-program testimonials.) "I was pretty lonely, but then I applied these simple methods, and now I have friends! Tons of friends! I have to circulate a sign-up sheet to fit in all their phone calls! I have so many friends that I couldn't possibly add another until one of my current ones dies!" So as you read, please don't take it as saying that this is a foolproof and exhaustive method for dispelling loneliness. I simply jotted down a few things that have helped me make friends in my new married-with-kids life. (For instance, I don't include 'bribes to make people like you,' but that could be effective on some level).

1. Be approachable. I'm probably revealing a lot about myself here, but it seems that when we grow up and have to make friends as adults, we haven't quite left behind junior high insecurities. And if you think you look or sound like a dork, and that the other women are going to laugh at you behind your back, then you probably won’t be as welcoming to new friends as you might could be. Now, I was a member of a MOMS Club for four years, and I saw lots of junior high holdovers... including women laughing at others for being dorky. But somebody has to be the grownup, and if it's you, you'll attract the other grownups.

2. Make a date. If your acquaintance says, "We should get together and let the kids play sometime," then your answer should not be, "Yes. We need to do that." Stop. Rewind. "I'd love that! I'm free most mornings. How about next Wednesday?"

3. Accept invitations. Yes, I know, duh -- unless you're something of a homebody, like me, and you're a whole lot better at pity-parties than birthday parties. If you are invited to lunch, a playdate, a party, then make the effort to attend, even though with kids, it’s often easier just staying home.

Note: This tip is even easier to apply when your children can read emails. Stuart found one from our homeschool group entitled “Party at the Park today!” He asked, “Are we going to a party today?” I’d been having a very weepy day and was mad at the world: I didn’t want to socialize. I wanted to nap. But there was no telling a five-year-old that we weren’t going to a party at the park. Naturally we all had a great time.

4. Move beyond Mommy Talk. It's a grand thing to share advice, sympathy, and laughs over this bewildering adventure called motherhood. But even epic adventures need subplots. When you find yourself talking audibly about "pooping" in public, it's time to move the conversation to a new track. The best way to do it is to have questions in mind and work them into the conversation. For instance:

* Where are you from originally?
* What do you enjoy doing to relax?
* Books? Movies? Shows?
* How did you choose your children's names?
* What does your name mean?
* Let's talk about names, names, names
* Sorry. Got carried away there.
* But that's what happens to conversations around me, anyway. We always end up on names. Odd.

Is the idea of scripted questions corny? Yes! That's why nobody does it, and it's why you're stuck talking about potty-training week after week.

5. Invite people over. This is a sadly-neglected relic of our social past. When was the last time you got an invitation to someone's house? You don't have to invite people over for an all-afternoon barbecue. "Would you like to eat dinner with us? About 6:30 on Friday," works just fine. If you can't do dinner, invite them for dessert. You can have a great visit from 7:00 to 9:00, and still get to bed in time to get up for work, school, or kids tomorrow. Dessert is also a great way to invite large families over without having to fit everyone in for a meal. We hosted a family of 10 for ice cream almost effortlessly.

6. Keep in touch by email or phone. I’m being blatantly hypocritical here, because I don't manage my time well. Way too much time blogging, and not as much sending emails to non-blogging friends.

7. Don't talk -- converse. I had one acquaintance, Liz, whose idea of conversation was to wait for me to stop talking so she could start up again. Sometimes she’d give a little feeback first: “Uh, huh. Well, what I think...” The friendship did not blossom.

8. Admire other people's talents, taste, and children. I don't mean you should pile on the flattery to get them to like you. Instead, look for things to appreciate. It helps you step outside yourself if you notice what others do well... and it certainly doesn't hurt others' feelings, either.

As for admiring their children, the flip side of that is not to expect them to admire yours very extravagantly. Liz, mentioned above, could not conceive that I didn't find her child as amazing as she did. Everything he did, from smiling to gaining weight to sitting up by himself, was prominently displayed, with plenty of opportunity given for comments. But did Sara think her own baby was just as remarkable? Yes, class! Did Sara get tired of having to gush over The Wonder Child? Yes, class! It wasn't that Liz was superior about it – she was a very good-natured person. She just forgot the cardinal rule of interaction with other moms: Only you think your child is that cute. (The friendship, I repeat, did not blossom.)

9. I did a lot of praying.

10. And, of course, there's always the possibility that... well, you just don’t click. But you never know till you try.

Making Friends can be a tiring process. Sometimes you throw yourself into it, and get very little return. Sometimes you find a friendship taking root, only to have the friend move away. (Just make sure she starts up a blog when she goes, right Barbara?) Some friendships start out with a sparkle, but even those take a couple of years to mature into rooted friendships. But don’t give up. Be patient, be friendly, and expect to have friends.

-- SJ