Household Tips

1. If you put the bottle of dishwasher detergent on the washing machine, you may realize in retrospect that you washed a load of clothes with it. Fortunately the results aren't as spectacular as if you run a load of dishes with dishwashing liquid. (Also fortunately, I learned that lesson vicariously.)

2. When your children have difficulty moderating their goldfish snack cracker intake, simply leave the box open for a day or so. The goldfish go stale, and the kids won't eat it. Even if you offer it to them. "Go ahead, have some! For breakfast!" It's pretty satisfying.

3. A quick way to enjoy the effect of a clean room is to close the door of a messy one.


-- SJ

Mundania 16

Socially Acceptable Conversation... Darren (who, to mention in passing, just got back from California, and we were commiserating over what a very long trip it is across the country, and I pointed out that no wonder he was tired, as he'd made a trip in half a day that used to take months, with much less chance of survival) was in line to pay for something. He was listening to the two women in front of him as they talked about husbands, children, the usual. Then one woman turned and said to both her companion and Darren,

"I've got two children and my husband just got snipped!"

Why do people think this is an appropriate subject for public conversation with strangers?

"Oh, thanks for mentioning a very personal decision and intimate surgical procedure. Can I ask for details?" Only, people like that might take you up on it.

Next Time I'll Just Be Anonymous... Leah G stayed Saturday night with me while Darren was gone, and she and I took the kids out to Cracker Barrel. Or, the kids and I took Leah out to Cracker Barrel. Or, they just came along because I decided that's where we'd go so I wouldn't have to cook.

I usually give my name to the hostess as "Jones," but this time thought I'd avoid any possible confusion in case any other Joneses dropped in. I gave her my first name (and didn't even say a thing when she put an H on it, not that it bothered me anyway). A few minutes later, she called, "Sarah R. and party, your table is ready." I leaped ahead, then stopped. Wait. I hadn't given her a last initial. Wait. My last initial isn't R anymore. Sure enough, I was called a few minutes later, and there were a few baffling moments when nobody could sort out which Sarah was which. My meal was flavored with irony.

Speaking of Social Niceties... Meanwhile, Addie introduced Leah to the hostess as "this is Leah and she is of our party." Not exactly welcome considering the flurry of the moment, but better than discussing intimate surgeries.

Cool Thing... Check out Sipahhs. It got us through Darren's California trip.

-- SJ

Creed of the Twenty-First Century

On another blog, a commentor disagreed with someone else's opinion. Lest she appear intolerant, however, she clarified:

"...I understand (and appreciate!) that different people have different tastes and like different things. Cool."

And what was it that was so carefully disagreeing with, so carefully not offending? Lifestyle choice? Politics? Family size? Um, no, it was the fact that a couple wants to use the name "Story" for their little girl, and she doesn't like that name.

Welcome to today's America, where we celebrate diversity and apologize profusely for having a differing opinion! Cool.

-- SJ

Avoiding History

Disappointed? Irritated? Then blogging is for YOU!

I'm part of a weekly learning co-op. During our organizational meeting to plan for next year, I signed up to teach history. "American history," I clarified, since world history seemed to big a chunk to bite off. Teaching is no problem but I'm still a trifle weak in the organizational and planning department.

But the thought of doing American history bored me. Homeschoolers ALWAYS do American history. Or maybe it's just that it's always from the same perspective. A day or so later, I had a great idea. How about history that's important to know, but often utterly neglected? That would give the kids an idea of where they came from, and how to fight today's battles? I happily dashed off an email to the group: How about if I teach Church history?

I knew nothing of Church history until about four years ago when Darren bought a small-group workbook on the subject. We went through it together. I was amazed at this great, gaping void of information in my life. It opened up my eyes to a larger world: I felt as if I'd been puttering around in my little christian garden, and suddenly looked up to see great Christian Mountains in the blue beyond.

Haha, nothing like fizzy enthusiasm running headlong into a crowd of dubious "concerns." The idea wasn't received well at all. In my zeal, I'd minimized what I knew were actual issues: the Catholic didn't think the Protestant view of history was accurate; and there were too many Protestant denominational differences to risk mentioning anything about Church teachings. One objection still feels like a splinter in my finger, though: two moms doubted that the children would benefit from studying bloody martyrdoms. As if that's all that Church history consists of, as if there isn't also the record of great Christians, battles for the faith, fighting heresy, caring for the sick and poor, standing against evil... even evil within the Church itself.

Partly I'm embarrassed, also. I'm not a provocative person, and I don't stir up trouble. But apparently my idea of "interesting topics" is suspect. When my turn to teach at co-op came around, I chose mythology. I got the same dubious concerns and blank looks: why study mythology? With the support of two other moms (one of whom also supported the Church history idea), I carried the day. I've had a fabulous time contrasting Greek and Norse mythology with Christianity. But here we go again. Now they're saying to each other, Why would we want to get into Church history? Doesn't Sara know that's inappropriate for our group? Honestly, what is with her? They're probably not saying that among each other, but they certainly are in my head.

So I'm signed up for American history. It's safe, as we all have basically the same view. Although I'll probably downplay the deity of George Washington, mention that not all Southerners were bad guys and not all Northerners were good guys, and give a few passing reasons as to why Women's Suffrage caught on so well. And I'm sure I'll get interested in the subject once I start figuring out what to teach.

Mostly, I'm sad. We as Christians are so fragmented and divided that we can't even consider a cursory study -- for children, honestly, how in-depth did they expect I'd get? -- of our own Church and heritage.

-- SJ

Nancy *cool* Drew

(I already had this post written and ready to transfer to the computer when my niece's TQ comment gave me the perfect cue. Thanks, Katie.)

So if you live in this household, and you play the computer, but it's not Titan Quest, what do you play?

What you do is play way more interesting games that actually have a story, a point, and good voice actors: the Nancy Drew games. (Also no combat.)

It sounds cheesy to say that I love the ND games, but I do. Although I never was an ardent Nancy fan growing up, I read my share of the books. Obviously the makers of the games did, too: Nancy is perky, resourceful, smart, and nice without being cloying. This is in contrast to the Nancy Drew movie that just came out, where the filmmakers couldn't conceive of a modern-day Nancy taken seriously, so they made her a joke to everyone else in the movie. Plus they got rid of Bess and George within the first fifteen minutes, and turned Ned and Carson Drew into, respectively, an idiot and a jerk. Not that I felt betrayed or anything. Not that I actually finished the movie or anything.

But back to the games. Darren hates them. They're full of puzzles to solve, or clues to uncover, and lots of dialogue. (Bess, George, and Ned usually show up by phone, as do Frank and Joe Hardy in some games.) The games also rely heavily on sequence: before you do this, you have to find that; but before you find that, you have to solve this; but before you solve this, you have to complete that. I should find this type of game maddening -- after all, that's my whole life with young kids -- but instead I'm intrigued (to use a good Nancy word).

Not, mind you, that I solve these games all on my own. No, my best friend during my Nancy sessions is the Universal Hint System. Instead of a walkthrough with spoilers, UHS just gives you a hint at a time to get you unstuck. Without UHS, I'd still be trying to solve my first game instead of finishing my seventh.

I do try to limit the time I spend on it. But I and my neighbor Nina (who's also a puzzle-game fan) agreed that if there's ever a Nancy Drew for the new Wii they just bought, then she and I will pretty much cease to exist in the real world.

-- SJ

In Abstinence? or Prevention? We Trust

This will be an interesting post. I say that because I'm gong to be talking about sex, and is there anything more interesting to talk about than sex?

Actually -- and this is something of a letdown -- the post is really about parenting. Sorry. But sex gets mentioned, so stick around.

A blogger I visit recently vented about a letter to the editor that irritated her. (I don't read letters to the editor; if I want to read personal and unchecked opinions, I blog.) The letter dealt with sex education among teenagers, and advocated abstinence education. The pretty irresistible logic was that abstinence = 100% protection against STDs and pregnancy. The letter also said that parents should tell their teens not to have sex. "As if that's a guarantee," commented to blogger. Others agreed, saying that abstinence was fine and good, but you needed to educate the kids on safe sex, too. I've been thinking about the subject ever since.

Meanwhile, Rose just linked to a new book from Michael "He knows what's best for your children" Pearl, which explains how you can keep your kids from "jumping ship" during the teenage years. I don't have to read the book to know that the Pearls certainly expect "parents telling their kids not to have sex" would work. And if it doesn't, then you've done something wrong in your parenting.

Then, to bring the two sides together, there was a letter in BH&G from a mom who just found out that her 16-year-old daughter was having sex with her 18-year-old boyfriend. She says she and her daughter had a good, open relationship, and considered their religion to be her "ace in the hole." Now, she concludes, teenagers will have sex no matter what you say, so be sure to talk to them about safe sex, pregnancy, and STD prevention.

So, now I'm pondering. Obviously there were some preventable mistakes on the part of that mother: You've got to have a little time alone to get anything done, even if you're a hormone-driven teenager, so that 16-year-old shouldn't have been alone with her boyfriend long enough to give the opportunity. Still, if they were bound and determined to go all the way, it would take dedicated surveillance to prevent them. There are entire courtship systems built on that idea.

Parental authority, religious reinforcement... it was enough to convince me, convince Darren, convince lots of our friends. But not everyone. How true is the idea that "teens will have sex anyway"? And how much should we as parents tell our children about safe sex, STDs, etc, in anticipation that a son or daughter might run headlong into rebellion no matter what we do?

Because no matter how well we parent, how lavishly we love and how consistently we discipline, ultimately it's up to our children to make their own choices. How much should we trust in our teaching to keep them safe, and how much should we go in for prevention?

-- SJ

Titan *yawn* Quest

Not to criticize something that my husband enjoys, but Titan Quest is pretty much the dullest game ever created.

Here's how you play Titan Quest. You choose your character and name him or her. That's the fun part, and it all goes downhill from there. (The male characters measure about fifty-five inches around the chest. So do the female characters, for that matter.) Your character sets off on a quest. He talks to villagers. He fights enemies. He collects treasures. He sells treasures. He talks to villagers. He fights enemies. He collects treasures. He sells treasures. He talks to villagers. He fights enemies. Then, to make things even more exciting, he fights BIGGER enemies, and gets BIGGER treasures. This goes on until he gets to the tip-top boss of all boss characters, Typhon. He defeats Typhon. Hoo-ray!

At which point he unlocks "Epic Mode." You know what happens then? He STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN. The enemies are stronger, he's stronger, the treasures are stronger. But it's the SAME DARN GAME.

The only thing remotely interesting are the names of the treasures, which score points for novelty. Just tonight Darren added to his inventory:

The Electrified Totemic Staff of Acuity

Charged Jewel Staff of Strength

Grim Raider Bow

Enfeebling Hatchet of Feasting

"Oh, come on," I say, looking over his shoulder as the character runs through the countryside laying waste to satyrs and carrion crows. "Can't you go explore those ruins over there?"

"You don't explore in this game."

Or, "Hey, weren't you in this labyrinth the last time I looked?"

"No, that was the labyrinth in Egypt. This is in Knossos."

Today I had an inspiration. "You know what would make that game more fun? If you picked up a magical trick staff that when you waved it, it turned into a rubber chicken."

I was the only one who laughed. After a moment, I suggested, "Or a magical staff that turns the Minotaur into a rubber chicken."

"Now that would be okay," Darren said.

"Oh, I get it. Losing a battle isn't okay, even if it's funny?"

"No."

I just don't get that game. I wouldn't mind seeing one of those hatchets, though.

Mundania 15

Don't Mind Me, Just Sputtering Over Here... An acquaintance was telling me about a church they recently began attending (which definitely isn't what I'm looking for in my church experience). "They have a great children's program. We drop our kids off at 9:00 for Sunday School, and then they have their own Children's Church from 11:00 to 12:00. So we have three whole hours on Sunday mornings to ourselves." She paused, remembering who she was talking to. "You're a homeschooler, so you're used to being with your kids all the time. But I find I really need that break."

From the Randomizer... "God often surprises us by letting us eat food." (Not sure exactly what theology she's working off here, but it sounds a tad harsher than your normal mainstream American Christianity.) Also, as I was taking Daphne out of the bathtub, "Let her run around, as is the custom."

Daphne's Words... She has a wide vocabulary of individual words. Including:
"hice" (ice)
"pease" (tea)
"dimp" (jump or trampoline)
"pretty" (a noun, meaning "anything I can drape around my shoulders")
"sing" (music)
"hent" (again)
"ap-hi" (airplane)
"yuppee!" (either the computer game "Lemmings," in which the little Lemmings say "Yippee!", or just the computer in general)
"uppity" (upupupPICKMEUP!)
"No!" (I don't care for that, thank you).

At Least He's Sincere... When Daphne puts on a "pretty," she goes from person to person to collect compliments. I instructed Stuart, "She wants you to tell her she's beautiful." But the sentimental sensor kicks in pretty early for males. When Daphne comes to him for admiration, Stuart says in just the right tone of voice, "Ohhh! How gooey! You look so gooey!" She's happy, he's happy, who's complaining?

For the Record... California's fling with homeschooling law is disrupting our comfortable, routine lifestyle, and we are not grateful.

A Funny Quote

The genius blogger who brought us "DM of the Rings" had a great description of the difference between male and female computer gamers yesterday.

The best quote, I thought, was "For me, killing evildoers and gathering up their belongings is a perfectly valid way to spend an evening."

Yup, I agree. Titan Quest rules in our house (at least among the males).

--DJ

Pros and Cons

Keeping Your Children With You in Church: Pros

• They are a part of the worship
• They hear the prayers, the songs, and see others worship
• They absorb their Christian heritage as they're surrounded by it
• They understand that Jesus wants even children to come to Him
• They might actually hear something that's said

Keeping Your Children With You in Church: Cons

• You can't pay attention to the prayers, songs, readings, or anything that takes more than thirty seconds of your time.
• An hour-and-a-half worship service turns into an hour-and-a-half disciplinary training session. Just add toddler!
• It is quiet in church. Children are not good at being quiet.
• Sometimes the person reading the Scriptures has to stop and let your toddler stop wailing after you thump her hand when she tries to stick her finger in a light socket.
• Five-year-old boys think that participating in the worship service means using silly voices to sing praise songs.
• Mothers who have sole responsibility for three children in the service, and who try very hard to live up to the ideal of Keeping Children In Service, only to herd all three out halfway through and sit in the children's room and cry, but dry her tears before the other children come in because she's in charge of children's chapel during the service even though she's thoroughly tired of being on kid duty because that's all she does, all week and all Sunday, are not likely to find the above list of Pros very compelling.

-- SJ

Visits

First my mother came to visit. We worked on projects and talked over my Ria Story and caught up on a year and a half's worth of visiting.

Then she went home, and I was sad.

Then my niece Katie came to visit. We went to Washington, D.C., talked about baby names, grocery shopped together, and spent more time with each other than we have since she was six years old.

And then she went home, too, and I'm sad again.

So I've treated myself to extra Coffee Toffees, an extra-long nap, and lots of extra appreciation for a husband who understands that it's hard for me to say goodbye to family.

And my readership will be pleased to know that Katie actually takes pictures, and if she emails them to me, I'll actually post some on the blog. (Did I take pictures? A few. Only we forgot to take the camera with us to D.C.)

-- SJ

Names: What Do You Think?

**This post comes with the usual disclaimer: We are not having a baby -- we're just playing with names.**

Out of curiosity, what do you think of the following names?

1. Henry
2. Margaret
3. Spencer
4. Fairlight

(My mother wanted me to include #4, because #3 reminded her of it. Anyone know what book the name came from?)

-- SJ

JAMBOG: The Awards

And here it is, folks! The final awards of the 2008 Games!

Grand Prize by reader vote (which saves us any accusations of nepotism, *whew*) is Lindsay and her good friend, Donald Trump. Lindsay, you win a $20 gift card to the store of your choice.

Second Place winner by reader vote is the indefatigably clever Rose, with Katy's ongoing search for free ice cream. (Note: Rose has used Katy as her fictional heroine for roughly 10 years and 457 stories.) Rose, we'll treat you to a little something at Bruster's.

Other Prizes, all to receive an official and personalized JAMBOG ribbon, personally created by a JAMBOG official:

• Best presentation: Joanna and her musical
• Best Use of a Completely Irrelevant Object: C and her cake
• Best MacGyvering: Zana and the volatile tea-plus-paint slurry
• Wildest Flight of Fancy: Amy Sita... pretty much the whole thing!
• Best Plot Fudge: Wendy's "security purposes" clause.
• Best Closing Line: Queen of Carrots (who has a long history of closing off her posts with zingers)

Thanks to all of y'all for playing! Join us next year for the 2009 Game, in whatever form our imagination casts it!

-- SJ and DJ