Three Books

One
The name of the book is "Speed Decorating: A Pro Stager's Tips and Trade Secrets for a Fabulous Home in a Week or Less." It doesn't mention how the pro stager (Jill Vegas) recently took an Interior Decorating Refresher Course at the local college, but that's pretty obvious from the way she fluffed up her final exam essay into this book. That essay was entitled, "Some General Helpful Tips for Making Your House Nicer," and she wrote it about 4 hours before it was due.

Seriously, I suppose there are good ideas in this book, but the general feel of the writing is that you're getting a personal, one-on-one consultation during which the designer talks about her other clients and then has to rush off to another speed-decorating appointment.

My favorite part was the caption on page 5, which explained that "Adding some well-placed accessories... can go a long way toward making your space look beautiful. Here, a pair of tall vases and some flowering dogwood branches add a personal touch to a stone hearth." Then there's a picture of this stone hearth: it's a huge glassed-in fireplace built into the corner of a massive gray stone wall. Absolutely the right tip for those of us who live in suburban ranch-style houses! Because all suburban ranch-style houses have massive stone walls with fireplaces built into the corner!

I hope she got a B on her essay.


Two
If I were a normal person who watches The Food Network like the rest of America, maybe I'd have heard of Gale Gand already? No matter. Since finding her new cookbook, Brunch!, I love her. The commentary is entertaining and unpretentious. The book is full of fun recipes, none of them too bizarre (the farthest out she gets is white nectarines, mozzarella cheese, and pesto on skewers). As she says herself, good-tasting food doesn't depend on complicated recipes and intricate sauces; often it's just a matter of taking familiar food and adding an unexpected ingredient. Among the recipes I want to try are:

* White Hot Chocolate with Orange
* Hot Cocoa with Brown Sugar
* Peanut Butter and Jelly Turnovers
* Baked Eggs in Ham Cups

Let me know if you're interested in coming to brunch.


Three
Along with Nina, Darren wins Gold Stars in heaven for continuing to recommend books to me. Recently he gave me Tim Powers's Soul in a Bottle, knowing I like ghost stories. I'm picky about my ghost stories (surprise!): I like them eerie but not icky. (The graphic novel Coraline crossed that line. Just thinking about it makes me shudder.) This novella was amazing.

George meets a captivating, mysterious woman who calls herself Shy. It doesn't take him long to fall in love with her -- or to realize that she's the ghost of a poet who killed herself 40 years ago. She wants him to do something for her. But a withered, earnest old woman warns George against her. The story hinges on George's decision, and you honestly don't know which he will choose.

Great story, but what I'm still geeking out about is the author's incredible skill in telling it. The entire book is only 83 pages long, but you're moving in George's skin so you feel everything he does -- even when it isn't written out in front of you. The most effective aspect of the writing is how Powers will throw out a detail in passing that haunts you long after you put the book down. I'll never look at a climbing-vine pattern the same again. And wait till you find out about the pear-and-cumin scent.

Dear Mr. Powers, I wish I could write like you do.

-- SJ

Tis the Season

'Tis the season to be a nail-biting mass of anxiety.

I'm not a big shopper -- my idea of a spree is three hours on a Saturday morning, going to maybe three stores but definitely getting home in time to take a nap. I'm also not a confident gift giver. Even having to get a gift for Darren, my favorite person in the whole world, makes my stomach twist up. And what two activities converge at the Christmas season? Yes, exactly, nail-biting and fretting.

(Actually, I use "nail-biting" figuratively. In reality, I bite my nails routinely.)

This year I tried to sneak past the anxiety by keeping Christmas gifts in mind all year long. It didn't work very well, because the problem isn't the lack of Things to Get. It's the fact that I don't really know what to get. For anybody. And when I do get something, I fret about it. And once I give the gift, I try to forget about it so I won't wonder if the recipient liked it.

Possibly I don't need to mention that the beginning of the Christmas Season has arrived once again with its arms full of brightly-wrapped angst?

But there are nieces and nephews to buy for. Kids are a little easier because even if they don't like the gift, they at least like unwrapping something with their names on it. Besides, I actually had real ideas of what to buy. A quick trip online would take care of a very big slice of anxiety -- before December even begins!

For the Northern branch: a Cranium game called Bumparena, which both children and adults can have fun with. My sister-in-law, Jessica (whose superpower is Gift Giving), gave it to Stuart about four years ago. So we used to have it, before I relaxed my vigilance and let Addie and Stuart play with it unsupervised. (I'm still throwing away vestigial gameparts.)

Turns out that it's no longer generally available. Well, not unless you want to pay $50 on Amazon. I was crushed.

For the Southern branch: a Little People playset, like the pirate ship and castle in our playroom. My kids and all visiting kids have loved those toys. We bought them both about three years ago and they've stood up to some pretty hard wear and tear. Perfect, perfect idea!

Turns out that they're no longer generally available. Not unless you want to pay $80 - $100 for it. I was devastated.

My gift ideas rare and valuable; I can't afford to have them shot down in one fell swoop. Now I'm back to the fretting and nail-biting stage, without ideas -- except, perhaps, becoming suddenly convinced that a natural, recycled approach is better for kids anyway and giving them all an ornament made from pipe cleaners and paper-towel tubes as featured in the latest issue of Family Fun magazine.

Don't worry, family branches. When the time comes, there will be a present for you. Badly wrapped, because I'm not good at that either, but your names will all be spelled right and there will be something inside that will be somewhat applicable to your age range and interests. You might want to brush off those little white semi-circle things before you open it, although it's nothing important. Just a few bitten nails.

-- SJ

Not Available at Your Nearest Bookstore

A Very Short Cookbook:
My Favorite Pea and Broccoli Recipes, by Darren

**
An Unsuccessful Self-Help Book:
The Art of Conventional Conversation, by Addie (who today told an optometrist that "I love books the way I love killing mayflies!")

***
Obscure Psychological Thriller:
Into the Twisted Mind of Number 9, by Sara

***
Short-Lived Adventure Hero:
Captain Oblivion ("What bomb?"), by Stuart

***
A Failed Romance Novel:
The Drool of the Nile, by Phillip

***
An Uninspiring Memoir:
My Life as a Courtroom Judge, by Daphne (excerpt below)

Lawyer: "Your Honor, it is obvious that my client is mentally ill and was framed for this crime and is innocent."

The Court:"Why?"

Lawyer: "Uh... I... what do you mean, why, Your Honor?"

The Court: I... said... WHY!"

Lawyer: "Um, yes, I'm sorry, Your Honor.... um, so that my client..."

The Court: "NO! Not 'so that'! You have to say BECAUSE when I say WHY!"

***
Just a little reminder that the world could be a little worse off than it is.

-- SJ

Word for the Day

Stuart [stoo-wert] n:

1. A boy, characterized by irrepressible energy and enthusiasm, except when plagued by insupportable boredom such as when compelled to sit still and listen.

2. A boy who lists his hobby as "computer games." Interests also include Star Wars, Redemption, Pokemon cards, speaking in front of people, making strange noises, and reading comic strips.

3. A boy not characterized by a somber, serious outlook on life.

4. A boy who is seven years old today.

5. A boy who is loved very much by

-- SLJ and DAJ

Mundania 26

* I've lost count of these Mundanias and am not sure whether this is actually 26 or not. Probably the fate of the world will remain unchanged.

* Yesterday evening, Darren came home and let me retreat to the bedroom for a while. I ate supper there, and then decided to lie down. An hour and a half later I woke up. Then I slept till 9 this morning.

* I'm thinking that five months of twice-a-night feedings caught up with me this weekend.

* Smoothies always disappoint me: they look appetizing, but they always taste thin or too tart. Well, we finally found a smoothie recipe that the whole family likes. It has bananas, berries, pineapple, milk... and sweetened condensed milk. Yum.

* Darren borrowed a card game from his co-worker, Dave, called "Mag Blast." The concept is simple enough that Stuart and Addie can both play, but gameplay is varied enough that Darren and I can play against each other. Since it involves spaceships attacking each other, the rules state that you must make sound effects when playing a card. The rules don't state that if you play all your cards in one turn, you get a kiss, but we do that too.

* Stuart is a very good gameplayer. It helps that he has an overlarge serving of Game Luck, which lets him get good numbers and good cards. (My friend Debra has Game Luck also, and by the time I was sixteen I stopped playing card games with her.) Whenever he makes a good play, he giggles. He seems well on his way to developing a maniacal laugh.

* Another synesthesia thing I remembered last night when Daphne asked me how to make a 5. When I was teaching Stuart, I was pregnant with Daphne. It made such sense to tell him, "Make a straight line across, a straight line down, and then a round baby tummy like Mama's!" But I couldn't bring myself to teach him that 5 was pregnant because 5 is, after all, male.

-- SJ

What Do Your Numbers Say To You?

1 is a boy, surly and hard to reason with.

2 is a boy, older and quiet and responsible.

3 is a girl. She's bratty.

4 is a boy, good-natured and easygoing.

5 is a boy, and likes aggravating 4 and 6

6 -- dear 6! She's a princess, serious and kind.

7, a boy who's a real pest to 6 and 8, is always buttering up 9.

8 is patient and good-humored, especially considering she's stuck right beside 9.

9, oh horrors. She's the bad princess. She's mean and sly and manipulative.

10 is a boy...

What? What do you mean, what on earth am I talking about? Maybe your numbers have different personalities. Or maybe you want to talk about letters?

A is a girl, B is a girl, C is a boy, D is a boy...

Um. Colors? Red is a boy, Green is a girl...

Months of the year? Days of the week? Are you really telling me that you don't think of Tuesday as female?

So. Yes. That blank, possibly unsettled, expression on your face is what taught me not to discuss how numbers, letters, etc. live in my head. I learned years ago that not everybody spent first grade making their numbers talk to each other, or drawing wimples on their sixes and nines (9's wimple was smaller because she was the mean princess).

What I learned just a week or so ago was that this quirk has an actual name: synesthesia. There are many forms, mine evidently being ordinal linguistic personification. It's hereditary, too. Thanks, Mom!

Possibly this "synesthesia" is a partial explanation of why math is so muddled in my head. I remember my math lessons in elementary school being very noisy -- all those numbers jostling against each other. The odd numbers argued with everybody. The even numbers called out sympathy to other even numbers stuck next to a 9. The way 5 and 7 always aggravated the life out of 6; good thing she had 2 and 4 to stand up for her.

Other people could open their math books and see fifty practice problems. I saw a solid page of soap opera drama.

Now that I'm an adult, I've outgrown all those personality clashes. Ha, ha, not even slightly. I've just learned to operate on two levels: the everyday level where I deal with numbers and letters as flat, inanimate tools; and the sublevel, where there's a constant roar and babble of their neverending interaction with each other.

And, fact is, sometimes I let myself enjoy that sublevel like I did when I was eight years old. Because the world is way more interesting that way.

-- SJ

P.S.
The number personalities extend through the teens, up to 19. After that, the digits remain individuals. 89, 67, and 45 are conflicted numbers.

All letters are male or female, as are the basic colors, months of the year (January is female, March is male), and days of the week. As far as I can tell, there's no pattern to which ones are male and which ones are female. I don't consciously decide it: it's just the way things are.

Star Wars Musings

It's the beginning of a new era in the Roberts-Jones household: we're showing our children the original Star Wars movies.

I grew up with the movies because I have three older brothers. I remember that Matt in particular was fascinated (spelled O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D) by the Star Wars universe. In fact, I can't even watch "Return of the Jedi" now without remembering the parts where Matt whispered explanations and pointed out cool parts. Like in Jabba's palace, there's a two-second shot of this growling toad thing that he thought was really funny. Basically I watch "Jedi" through my brothers' eyes.

As for Darren, "Return of the Jedi" was the last movie he saw in a theater until "The Phantom Menace" came out in 1999. (Those in Kingdom and ATI circles will understand the whole Not Going To Theaters thing.)

Since the movies are such a part of our growing up, even during my hyperspiritual teenage years when I set my face against them, it's been very enjoyable showing them to our older three. A few thoughts while watching (and I assume if you're interested enough to read this, you've seen the movies already, because I don't veil all the top secret plot twists):

* "A New Hope" has such a corny plot. But even after 30 years, it's still so much fun to watch.

* "Empire Strikes Back" is a better movie than the first, but not nearly as rollicking a ride.

* "Return of the Jedi" sure is polished and sparkly compared to "New Hope." They keep those New Death Star floors waxed, baby. Even Darth Vader gleams.

* Oh, yeah, Darth Vader. Is there any child who has not called him Dark Vader? He was the embodiment of evil and scary back then. Now I sort of want to laugh at his plastic helmet.

* The "enhanced" versions do not enhance the experience. Mostly the additions were created by geeks blatantly geeking out with new, geekier technology.

* Daphne announced, "I like watching and talking!" So true.

* Stuart has watched "A New Hope" about seven times in the past two weeks.

* Addie was so distraught over Luke's hand that she flew out of the room and missed the big pivotal line of dialogue. She was also distressed by the scene in "Empire" where Luke is bobbing in a tank to recover from hypothermia -- wearing only briefs. "Did they have to make him do that in front of EVERYBODY?" she wailed.

* "Did you hear what he said, Stuart? Leia is the other Skywalker!" "Yeah, I know, because she's the only girl in the whole Star Wars movie."

* Darren told the kids before starting "Jedi" that in one part Leia wears clothes that we don't approve of and don't want our daughters to wear. Addie agreed wholeheartedly, assuring us that she'd always dress "modern."

*I'm most impressed by the cool special effects and battle scenes because they weren't created with a video game in mind. See: Podracing.

Darren can sit through the new trilogy with them if he wants to, but I'm not interested. Trouble is, the kids probably like those just as well. Maybe better. Which makes me feel like a Baby Boomer, insisting that my original movies are better than THEIR new glitzy movies.

(But they are.)

-- SJ

A Wittle Wedding

I'm not sure it's good blog etiquette to link to your own post for no other reason than that you think it's funny. Yet I do it anyway. I posted this wedding announcement two years ago. Obviously I like my original post, but the additions by Nina and Queen of Carrots in the comments section are even funnier.

Enjoy! And for those still stuck in the early-kid years, take heart. This too shall pass.

-- SJ

Saturday Evening Blog Post 3

For this edition, I linked to my Diary of Bella Swan post: I got so many hits on that one that it made the Top Ten Posts by brute force.

Elizabeth Esther hosts more of the "personal best" posts from October. Feel free to throw your own link into the mix.

-- SJ

Seven Quick Takes, Friday, November 6

1. I read a fascinating book this week called “The Rite: The Making of a Modern Exorcist.” It’s a true story about a California priest who just a couple years ago was appointed to be the exorcist for his diocese. The book follows his training, which was quite extensive. He learned about how to distinguish between demonic oppression and mental illness, participated in a number of blessing and exorcism services, and came away with a real passion to help God’s people live in victory over the enemy. Very well written, and successfully walks the fine line between ignoring evil spirits and being obsessed by them.

2. This is a cool art site run by a deacon out West. He does all sorts of religious imagery, and we have his poster of the 3 Archangels up in our playroom at home. I really like his style, especially his non-wimpy angels. For a very reasonable price, I was able to purchase one of his pieces, of the 7 original deacons, to use as my email signature when I send out church-related email.

3. On another deacon blog (The Deacon’s Bench), I ran across “Rules of Engagement for Catholics on the Internet.” Which in my opinion is too narrow a title – these rules are good for all of us Christians. My favorite was #2 – “Your salvation is more important than your involvement on the Internet.”

4. Today on the radio I heard “Revelation Song” sung by Philips Craig and Dean. I love that song! I want to do it at church, but the verses have some odd rhythms, so we'll have to see if it ever makes it onto the playlist.

5. If you don’t already subscribe to Touchstone magazine, may I suggest you run out and do so? It’s a marvelous journal of “mere Christianity,” and lots of cool articles that make you think (and yell at sometimes, too). The current issue has a fascinating article by John Granger about the Mormon influences on the Twilight series, that Sara read to me the other evening. We had a good time discussing how much we agreed with Granger’s contention that Meyer is deliberately engaging in Mormon apologetics by some of her settings. For example, all the important confrontations between the good vampires (the Mormons, in Granger’s interpretation) and their enemies take place in a meadow in the mountains. Which just happens to be very similar to a place where the early Mormons wiped out a group of immigrants, apparently without provocation – although the Mormons hotly dispute the lack of provocation, and this episode has always been a large bone of contention between the Mormons and the Gentiles. In Meyer’s retelling, however, the good vampires are always justified in wiping out the enemies - and in fact, the enemies attack first. Sara was skeptical at first that Meyer was deliberately setting up this alternative retelling – she thought at most it might be unconscious use of imagery that Meyer was used to. I disagreed, thinking that Meyer most certainly knew what she was doing here. So I’d like to run a small experiment, if that’s okay. For those of you who are or were connected with the Kingdom, if you were writing a story that took place on a yacht up in the North Atlantic, and you were careful to cast the leader of the expedition as wise and well-intentioned while describing those who wanted to turn back as rebellious and unbelieving, would you have any specific incident in mind? Or would this just be a random setting for you with no specific association with history? I think Meyer’s writing here was completely deliberate.

6. An interesting tidbit from FaithWorld, Reuters’ blog on religion. I hadn’t thought of swine flu causing a problem for pilgrims. And wouldn’t it be cool to be part of a huge pilgrimage like those in the picture at the top? “Next year in Jerusalem.”

7. Last night Sara and I watched a movie that I really, really liked. It’s called “Hero,” and it tells the story of the first emperor to unify China. Told through the eyes of several assassins who are trying to kill him, I found it incredibly moving and thought-provoking. Lots of cool twists and turns.

For Conversion Diary’s 7 Quick Takes on Friday.

--DJ

Educational Levels

Stuart asked, "Why do leaves change colors?"

I said, "Let's look it up." So we looked it up and talked about photosynthesis and chlorophyll and the change in sunlight and warmth. He was satisfied.

Daphne asked, "Why do leaves change colors?"

I said, "Because it's falltime." She was satisfied.

-- SJ