I'm Not That Kind of Girl

I was talking with a young teen recently about her deep, passionate love for all five of the members of the boy band One Direction. She was making up a story, she said, based on one of the boys. Apparently he is in love with another famous singer, but he dies, and she has to carry on. She forces herself to perform despite her pain, and one night at a concert, she sees his ghost.

Teen girls throughout the ages swoon.

It got me thinking. I never went in for celebrity crushes, but I certainly had a sizable roster of imaginary boyfriends, mostly from the stories I wrote. They were all good-looking, considerate, and witty. Oh, and alive.

Love stories that involve death simply don't thrill me. I don't listen to sad songs, I don't read sad stories. When a friend told me that she thought it was tragic and romantic to fling herself off a cliff into the ocean for the sake of lost love, I laughed.When I read about a girl caught in a love triangle between an undead vampire and a virile werewolf, I thought, "Honey, go for the warm body!" When it comes to tragic love, I'm all Elinor Dashwood, not Marianne.

I don't mean to say I didn't have laughable ideas about romance. I was into the idea of understated romantic tension. Lifelong love and passion? Absolutely! But I preferred my heroes to declare themselves with a grin and an offhand comment rather than an impassioned monologue in a rainstorm. I took the idea to the point that, at about age nineteen, I thought it would be the essence of understated passion for me to exchange vows with a man who would then kiss my hand. Four years later, when my father-in-law pronounced us man and wife, Darren had already informed me that he was not settling for my fingers.

All this to say... I'm not really sure what. Just that romances that involve death or ghosts don't make me puddle up into beautiful, satisfied tears. If he's going to kiss her hand, she had darn well better be able to feel it.

-- SJ

Choose One

1. Aliens kidnapped me.

2. I'm secretly a superhero, and crime has been soaring in my neighborhood for the past several months.

3. I've been too busy growing my own wheat and milking my own cow so my children can have naturally-sourced, organic toast and butter every morning.

4. Sewing your own bedsheets, curtains, and bath towels takes time and energy.

5. Just taking a little break from here to teach my kids advanced chemical diagramming!

6. I've been writing a novel and have no interest in doing anything else, including breathing.


One of these statements is true, and that's why the blog has been neglected for so long. However, those dear and close to me are lovingly compelling me to return to the world where everybody else lives. Unforutnately, this will mean a lot of re-runs on the blog: I plan to go through Facebook and pull out a lot of my bloggy status updates and add them here for archiving purposes. But that's better than a dead blog, right? Right.

So. *blink blink* This is what y'all's world looks like, huh? I vaguely remember it. Sure is good to be back! As soon as I finish harvesting this wheat/sewing this seam/defending the innocent/writing this dialogue.

-- SJ

Birthday Interview

On this most glorious day the eleventh of October twenty-twelve, when the most glorious Darren Jones enjoys a birthday, we've stopped a few ordinary kids on the street... living room, rather... and asked their opinion of this most glorious daddy of theirs.

Why do you love Daddy?
A: Because he's my daddy and he's nice.
S: He likes to do things with me, he plays computer often.
D: He's a very good daddy.
P: Yes

What is something Daddy does that you like?
 A: He plays D&D and lets me read Harry Potter.
S: Plays D&D with us.
D: He lets me play one of my favorite games on his smartphone.
P: Reads to me

What is something that makes Daddy happy?
A: Having healthy, obedient kids.
S: A good book from one of his favorite authors.
D: Having us kids.
P: Monster trucks

What would Daddy most like for his birthday?
 A: A crucifix made of sapphires.
S: He'd probably like a new Civilizations computer game. Or some more books.
D: I think he'd really love another really nice carrot cake.
P: Spice

An ordinary wife married to Darren Jones... no, wait, that's an oxymoron, because only a very special woman would be the person who got to be married to Darren Jones... also agreed to be interviewed.

Why do you love Darren?
SJ: His blue eyes, his beard, his kindness, his kisses, and the fantastic stir-fry he makes nearly every weekend. For starters. Want me to go on?

What does Darren do that you like?
SJ: Not everything, of course. I actually could make a list of things I don't like. It would be a lot shorter than the list of things I do like. Let's do this. Let's answer this question with: Everything, except a few things not worth mentioning.

What is something that makes Darren happy?
Spreadsheets.


What would Darren really like for his birthday?
A trip to England. Failing that, a good book and a cuddly wife.


Happy birthday, oh most glorious Darren! We love you!

-- SJ, AMJ, SMJ, DMJ, PGJ

Romance by the Dozen

I've been keeping up on this blog since 2004, which means I've written a special post for our anniversary for the past eight years. This year The Day -- yesterday -- went by without my posting anything. I wondered, what more is there to say? We met, we fell in love, we got married, we have kids, we're still madly in love...

Tonight, however, I had a captive audience: I was driving our babysitter Vanessa home. And I spent nearly the entire trip telling her about the sweet romantic events of my and Darren's courtship. Then I thought, Hey! Not all our friends have heard all these! I mean, I've posted our entire courtship story before, but these are like bonus tracks. Deleted scenes. Special director's cut.

So here you go. This year's Special Anniversary Post. In honor of our 12th year, I'm going to try for a dozen stories. If it seems like a bit much, Vanessa probably can offer sympathy and counseling.

1. Darren first thought of me as wife material the day that I walked into his office, slapped a trivia card on his desk, announced, "Thought you'd like this," and walked back out. The card had all the answers on the back whited-out. (My sister had sent it to me. Logically, he ought to have thought of her as wife material, not me, but I was the lucky one.)

2. I first thought of Darren as husband material when I found out that he'd read Pride and Prejudice and had seen the A&E adaptation of it. Six hours of Jane Austen. You don't take that lightly.

3. I didn't want Darren to be interested in me. I certainly wasn't interested in him. But after I left Virginia and moved home to Mississippi, I couldn't escape reminders of him. The postman who delivered mail at the newspaper office where I worked sounded like Darren. Somebody else drove a battered silver hatchback like Darren. I kept coming across references to Canadians, and finding bits of information and trivia that I knew he'd like. I found that I knew a lot about him, and he kept coming up in my conversation. It was all extremely annoying.

4. He sent me a book for Christmas the year we met. I was not happy. I wrote back and thanked him, then added that if he sent along any "intentions" with the gift, then I was going to send it back. He assured me that there were "no intentions expressed or implied." He'd seen it and thought I'd like it. (I didn't send it back.)

5. It certainly wasn't as if he'd made a special trip to a bookstore forty minutes away to buy the book for me.

6. I'll assume that my forthrightness was part of my charm. I know my dimples were.

7. Darren ran the HSLDA table at two Mississippi homeschool conferences. "Oh!" I wrote him. "What a nice coincidence. I'll stop by your table." What I found out later was that both years, Darren cornered the conference coordinator at the office and told her, "I want the Mississippi conference."

8. My mom met Darren at one of these conferences. They shook hands and made small talk for a few minutes. She marked him down as "one to watch" after that. I asked her later, "Why did you even suspect him? Y'all didn't talk about anything important." She replied, "He was nervous meeting me."

9. He prayed for me every night for two years. He prayed that if I was the one God intended for him to marry, that He would keep other guys away from me until Darren could make a move.

10. I was extremely frustrated during those two years that no one, not even scoundrels and cads, expressed any romantic interest in me.

11. During a long, meandering conversation about romance and marriage and husbands, I said to my friend Dana, "Isn't it strange to think that there's this one person is going to be the most important person in my life, and I haven't even met him yet!" And a name floated to the top of my mind. I was puzzled. Why was he stuck in my head like that?

12. Skipping ahead, Darren proposed to me on my front porch in Mississippi on June 2. He originally intended to propose to me in Harper's Ferry, West Virginia a month later. In a cemetery. There's a story behind this, of course.

A year previously, I'd gone back to Virginia to visit my friends Leah and Rose. We were taking a trip to Harper's Ferry and invited any friends to join us. Darren took us up on it -- what a good friend! (Said I. I spent a long time during this trip explaining to Leah and Rose why Darren and I were very good friends but certainly nothing more than that, despite any appearances to the contrary. Like coming on a day trip with us.) At Harper's Ferry, we all walked up to the cemetery. This is the part of the story where Sara comes out and acts like an idiot.

My maiden name is Roberts. A good name, granted, but not exciting. I figured I had one shot at improving my signature, and that was marriage. So I was always picking out last names I liked. This afternoon in Harper's Ferry, in the cemetery, I announced that I was in the market for an interesting last name, and proceeded to find some for myself off the tombstones.

Darren helped me. He found several promising candidates.

Four months later when he wrote to ask to court me, I remembered that afternoon. And just about died of embarrassment. He confessed that he thought it was funny. He enjoyed picking out names for me, even though he had a very definite opinion as to what a suitable new name for me would be.

This, by the way, is where the audience realizes the name I married into, and laughs at me.

That's a dozen stories about the sweet romance that became our marriage. I'd write more, but why write when I could be snuggling with Darren Jones? (Myself of thirteen years ago say, "Whoa, what? No, we're just good friends! No snuggling!" But deep down, I think she really wouldn't have minded too much.)

Happy 12th anniversary, my wonderful love!

-- SJ

Getaway and Zip (with Pictures)

Ziplining is fun.

Climbing up ladders and waiting for your turn to go is less fun, but a couple of personable guides and great views of the Shenandoah River help pass the time. Also, pretending to be in an Ewok tree village.

You're always tethered to something, so you're not going to fall. There's nothing to worry about. So when you're standing on a 4x4-foot platform looking down at the tops of the trees, and there's no way off except by a cable that ends somewhere out of sight, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Who was worried?

Deidre and I went with River Riders in Harper's Ferry. It was definitely more fun going with a friend. The guides went over safety rules with us, then asked which of our group of seven would sign the form attesting that, yes, we'd heard the safety rules. I signed it, at which point they announced, "Congratulations! By signing this form, you've also adopted our newest guide!" As another explained, "River Riders has a deal with the local orphanage. Every time you pay for a Canopy Tour package, you get a new child!" But I left him there after all. He told very bad West Virginia jokes.

The rest of my weekend was all mine, and all good. On Sunday, I spent eight hours writing. And let me tell you, two hours stuck in the house with fractious kids lasts a whole lot longer than eight hours spent in wordcraft. The only break I took from writing was when I drove Addi to 4H camp, and that didn't take a whole lot out of my day because she dismissed me as soon as she was settled on her top bunk.

I can't say I was rarin' to get back home, but this morning I did play tea party with Daphne and read an Encyclopedia Brown story aloud to Stuart. So I must have recharged a little. And maybe I was feeling a lack of Darren.

But I figure I could stand a few more weekends like this in my life.

(The following pictures are all blurry because the guide's camera was on the wrong setting. On the upside, we got them free.)

Deidre (the grin wearing the Battlestar Gallactica shirt on the far left) and I (wearing the green shirt) pose with our group before setting out.

I hated the helmet. My hair afterward was beyond Medusa Hair. Deige's looked just fine, not that I noticed.

This is the point where I felt Darren freaking out in spirit. But I was absolutely fine. P.S. Dear Deidre, good call not to jump up and down on the bridge. Our friendship would have ended twenty feet in the air.

Here we are, with Maryland, West Virginia, and Virginia in view behind us.

Yes, Doofenshmirtz fans, that's right: It was THE TRI-STATE AREA!

Deige goes flying.

See the trees, how high up we are? See how the picture is taken from a HIGHER spot? Yes, we're one level down from where we actually zipped. 

The actual moments that you're flying down the cable are pure heaven. It goes by so fast, though. It really made me wish I could do that scene in the novel Divergent, where they zipline off what used to be Chicago's Sears Tower. Maybe my next weekend alone.

-- SJ

Escape!

Darren, being a husband far above rubies and liberally decorated with gold stars, has helped me arrange a weekend getaway for myself in August.

(By "helped me arrange," I mean "agreed to keep the kids." The rest is pleasant work on my part.)

I've got a pretty full schedule for that weekend. There's so much I want to get to, that I simply can't do on a daily basis. So far, the lineup looks like this:

1. Write
2. Sleep late
3. Not worry about anybody's meals except my own
4. Write
5. Not clean anything up
6. Not listen to any conversations I don't want to hear
7. Write
8. Sit beside the river and look at the clouds
9. Sit beside the river in the moonlight
10. Write
11. Go ziplining with Deidre
12. Finish a story

Yeah, obviously I'm striking out into new horizons here... finishing a story! Seriously!

Oh, right, and that ziplining thing. I read about it in the airplane magazine last month when flying down to Mississippi, and thought it sounded fun. I've always wanted to fly. When we drove past this place recently, I exclaimed to Darren, "Look! A zipline! Wouldn't that be the coolest thing?"

Profound silence from his side of the van. His sense of adventure was being strangled by his intense dislike of heights. Okay, fine. I called Deidre instead.

I will, of course, blog about the experience. I mean, if I can fit it into my schedule.

-- SJ

Kid Bits

We usually split our family into two sections: the Bigs and the Littles. At the rate they're all growing, we'll soon have the Bigs and the Also Bigs.

**
Shortly after Phillip's birthday, I asked him, "How old are you?" He replied, "Twenty-two." And that's what he replies to any kind inquiries of his age now.

But if family asks how old he is, now he just blows a raspberry.

**
I was reciting everyone's full name to Pip. When I got to Darren's, Daphne chimed in: "Daddy's middle name is my birth month!" Phillip was eager to be funny too, and burst out: "Daddy Jones Month!"

**
Darren and I were catching up when he got home from work. It's an activity that never fails to attract kids, who notice that both Conversation and Affection are being generated and shouldn't they have a share in that? So we were talking over the day, and heard Daphne behind us: "Um, hey Mama and Daddy?"

Sigh. "Yes, Daphne?"

"Ummm.... I just wanted to tell you about how superliquids are different from regular liquids. Because in a superliquid, all the atoms flow in the same direction. In a regular liquid, they flow in any direction."

We thanked her for the knowledge (completely new knowledge, in my case). The child reads science books, yes.

**
 Addi got her ears pierced for her birthday. She chose the biggest, sparkliest studs available. It required a consent waiver that I had to sign in four different places. I had no idea that ear-piercing was such a risky undertaking.

**
Stuart had spent a while reading some of the back copies of the blog (I got bound copies of nearly every year). He remarked to me later, "I think you and Daddy have done a great job of raising me." Aww, sweet boy, we'll just settle for not giving you therapy material later in life.

-- SJ

Personality Quiz

Today you:

a. Had friends play at your house most of the day;
b. Went to a parade and waved at pretty much everybody who passed, including the tractors;
c. Had supper at friends' house, which was full of people, many of them young and loud;
d. Caught a fireworks show in the evening;
e. Ended the day energized and happy.

f. All of the above, especially E.

Score: If you chose F, you are the only extrovert in the family.

P.S. Your name is Daphne.

-- SJ

Happy Birthday to my Love!

Today is a very special day, because the most wonderful person in all the world is celebrating her birthday.*

Sara makes my life special in many ways, but one of my favorite things about her is her ability to write. In the last couple years, she has taken on writing several articles for a local children's magazine, and I'm always amazed that she comes up with not only interesting topics, but new and different ways to approach them.

I love her smile, her laughs, and her company. She is a fantastic wife and a wonderful mother, and I can't wait to see her after work today!

Please take the opportunity to wish her a happy birthday, and encourage her to do more blog posts so everyone gets the chance to enjoy her writing like I do :)


* Well, actually, the celebration will be this weekend, because my adorable wife has produced adorable children who have AWANA tonight, so there won't be much time to have a party before rushing off in the car.

--DJ

2011 in Review - DJ

Questions provided by Queen of Carrots.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

Pretty much skipped my birthday, due to Sara being long-term sick and me being short-term sick.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t usually make resolutions, and I don’t remember making any specifically last year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?

Not in my immediate family. Several in Sara's.

4. Did anyone close to you get married?

No one really close, although again, Sara's family and friends had some action on this front.

5. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

6. Travel?

A very fun family trip up to Maine and Nova Scotia this summer. We went by train and had a fantastic time.
Also lots of work travel, which is kind of fun for me but no fun at all for the five left at home.

7. Did you move anywhere?

No. After moving the last time (almost 10 years ago now), Sara and I decided that we didn’t ever want to move again. And that was with only one child and less than two years of marriage to accumulate stuff.

8. What was the best month?

June, with the trip North.

9. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A healthier family.

10. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I really can’t think of any particular dates.

11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I did a case in California from beginning to end, and won! That was a blast.

12. What was your biggest failure?

The church that we’ve been attending for 6 years had to stop renting the space we’ve had because we aren’t growing. No, it wasn’t just my failure, but as one of two families who helped start it up, it feels bad. So now we’re meeting in a home, which I’m not at all a fan of, at least long-term.

13. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh, my, yes. Many, many colds for everyone; Sara’s 3 week bout with fever; Stuart was sick with a fever for about 2 or 3 weeks. It was not a nice healthy year.

14. What was the best thing you bought?

Dungeons and Dragons. We’ve had a lot of fun as a family playing together.

15. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Sara, for getting several articles published and GETTING PAID FOR THEM! Yay, Sara!

16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?

I try to avoid being political on my blog, but I’m not sure whether I’m more appalled or depressed at the current executive and legislative branches of our federal government. Probably both words apply depending on the day.

17. Where did most of your money go?

Housing and food. Not in the bank. And regarding the money that is in the 401(k) plan, thankfully not much of it went anywhere. Flat is better than plummeting.

18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to a worship leader conference. Winning a case.

19. What song will always remind you of 2011?

“Mean” by Taylor Swift.

20. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
ii. richer or poorer?

i. Hmmm. Good question. I would say probably sadder, due to the afore-mentioned church move.
ii. Thankfully, a little richer. Mostly due to Sara’s doing the budget. She’s really good at it.

21. What do you wish you'd done more of?

House repairs. I’m not at all good at them, so I tend to do what Dad and I call our “ostrich act” – just bury our heads in the sand and ignore them.

22. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Eating. I’m still the same weight I was last New Year’s (ok, I lost 2 whole pounds over the course of the year, but it’s basically the same).

23. How will you be spending New Year's Eve/Day?

We spent them enjoying my vacation from work. I took two whole weeks off, and that was great. And dinner with the Shaw family included homemade pasta, which is terrific.

24. What was an unexpected surprise?

Getting to go to the HSLDA National Conference for the first time in 10 years. My legal assistant leaving on short notice. The Virginia earthquake.

25. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Nope, but stayed in love with my best friend Sara. Marriage to her gets better every year.

26. What was the best concert you've been to this year?

None that I can think of, but Matt Maher is coming to this area soon, and I hope to go see him.

27. What was your favorite TV program?

Heroes, Season 1. Loved it!

28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?

No.

29. What was the best book you read?

I think probably Spellbound by Larry Correia. David Weber’s Out of the Dark was pretty good too.
For non-fiction, Two Years Before the Mast by Richard Henry Dana. Many thanks to Will Estrada for recommending it to me.

30. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Taylor Swift.

31. What did you want and get?

A new cross necklace for Christmas. Better organized at work.

32. What did you want and not get?

A new minivan. Maybe this year?

33. What was your favorite film of this year?

X-Men:First Class and Captain America were top notch. I also really liked The Three Musketeers.

34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 38, and I got sick. It was not a stellar birthday.

35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More time to spend with Sara.

36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Fashion? Ha! I don't really care enough to have a "fashion concept," I'm afraid.

37. What kept you sane?

Reading and going out for drives BY MYSELF WITH NO LITTLE VOICES TALKING TO ME.

38. What political issue stirred you the most?

The national debt crisis.

39. Who did you miss?

Sara and the kids, when I was on business travels.

40. Random Memories from 2011?

Having a great time with Addi and Stuart at Virginia’s inclusive homeschool convention. Sitting in a welfare office for 2 hours waiting for my case to be called. Driving a bright yellow car called Ferdinand, listening to Modern Scholar CDs. Our tenth annual All Saints Day party. Getting to meet with some good friends in person instead of just talking over the phone. Flying to Los Angeles and then immediately coming back, because the hearing got postponed while I was in the air. Listening to a CD of "yellow songs" that my friends the Morgans made for me to listen to while driving my yellow car.

Family Picture 2011

Almost all of us don't look goofy!

The World Rejoices

Thirty-eight years ago, the world rejoiced when a dark-haired little baby boy was born.

Well, okay, not the whole world. Just a few small pockets of world in Nova Scotia and various spots in the Northeast. The lucky people.

There was a young couple in the Deep South who didn't know it was a significant day. They had no idea that one day their little girl would grow up to marry that little boy. That's because the little girl wouldn't actually exist for another three-and-a-half years. So really, this Southern family doesn't have much to do with this story at this point. But I'm writing it, so we're in here anyway.

It hasn't been the most festive anniversary/birthday season we've ever had. I've been sick for twenty-three centuries, and today Darren developed a cold. But you know something about Darren? He doesn't really complain. He sees what needs to be done, and he does it. He cherishes his sick wife. Which is why, as more pockets of the world get to know him, more people rejoice for that October day 38 years ago.

And see why I'm so anxious to get a foothold in this story, even three and a half years before I actually was anybody? Who would want to miss out on a guy like this?

Happy Birthday, DJ. Love you!!

-- SJ

Eleven Years - A Good Start

Eleven years ago, I married my best friend. She is still my greatest treasure. We sat in bed tonight reading emails that we had exchanged in the month before we were married, and were pleasantly surprised at how little our feelings and attitudes have changed. It is a constant joy to me to be married to Sara.

Sad
When we're
Apart or
Too busy with
Life and job and kids
To talk, but
Together
Life's a
Joy.

--DJ

Eleven Years

1. Who
2. Would I
3. Be without
4. You? Who would you
5. Be apart from me?
6. Less love, less fun, less faith.
7. So let's stick together.
8. Let's make more faith, more fun, more love.
9. We've spent eleven years together.
10. Another eleven will be a
11. Good start on the journey to eternity.


Darren's gift to me was a commissioned painting by Rachel Estrada.
My gift to him was a tote bag with artwork from his favorite Christian artist.

I love you! You love me! We love each other! Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

-- SJ

Playing with Destiny

Every now and then, I like to play around with my destiny.

Nearly eleven years of marriage has shaped who I am today. If I'd married a different sort of man, I wonder, how would I be different?

Married to someone less bookish and more outdoorsy, perhaps I would be more into gardening and would possibly even spend the night in a tent. If I lived with a sports nut, I could see myself cultivating a taste for football or soccer. A man with a fiery personality could stoke my own tendency to rant and rave. If I married a man who was less romantic, I probably wouldn't miss the surprise dates and the special gifts. Pfft, right.

I play the game with Darren's life, too. With a foodie wife, he'd have long conversations about delicious meals they'd enjoyed. With a politically savvy wife, he might be involved in local elections and attend county supervisor meetings. Married to a high achieving woman who reveled in busy, crazy, colorful life, he'd crawl into his cave and never come out. So just back off, woman. He's mine.

Although it's fun to speculate, I'm pretty happy with the person I've grown into. As Elizabeth said of Darcy, in essentials I'm still very much the same; it's just that Darren has smoothed out and filled up rough places in my personality.

I was thinking of the Destiny Game today after reading this article by Debi Pearl.* The following article, written in Debi's engaging style, is yet another reason why I avoid their toxic take on life.

An excerpt:

As Adam was created in God’s image, Eve was created in Adam’s image. God could have shaped two clay figures and breathed life into both, but he chose to take the woman from the man’s own flesh and bone. I have come to see that tiered process as very significant, making it consistent with nature that the woman should be the helper in the chain of command.

God did not create women as he did men, strongly fixed in one type or another. Being created in the image of man, we are more muted and flexible in our types.

She goes on to explain that it's the woman's job to "blend her life" into that of her man's. What she does, how she dresses, how she acts depends on what her husband needs her to be. In fact, it becomes very clear that Debi herself has no real conception of who she is apart from what she does and who her husband is. The only constant is that she "loves God." Otherwise, she is flexible, a "kaleidoscope of colors" designed to "fashion her life" into what her husband "needs her to be."

This thinking is delivered as the Biblical way to live. It's fed to young women who, in the Pearl community, have only marriage to look forward to as their calling in life. No wonder these young ladies are "unnerved by the burdens of marriage." Nothing like the prospect of losing your personhood to fill you with longing and joy!

I've had to adapt and change to live with Darren. But he's adapted and changed for me, too. I can play the Destiny Game out of curiosity, but I rest in the security that Darren married me for who I am, not for what I would do for him.

-- SJ

* I'm officially staking my flag in the anti-Pearl camp. What good they have to say isn't worth the bad theology, worse philosophy, and utter arrogance that they peddle. I've mentioned my allergy to the Pearls' child-rearing ideas before.

When accused that his methods -- touted as the only Biblical way to discipline, by the way -- led to the death of young Lydia Schatz, this was Michael Pearl's response.

Mundania 31

* September 11, 2001 didn't profoundly change the way I live. I didn't ignore it -- who could? Even with no internet access (we had only dial-up, and all the servers were jammed) and a tiny TV with very fuzzy access, I followed the story like everybody else. I watched and cried and held my three-month-old baby, shattered at the thought that there were evil people who wouldn't take mercy even on a mother with a child. A month later I walked through airport security, lugging Addie's impossibly heavy carseat, past soldiers with automatic rifles, on my way to my sister's wedding. I cried again.

But as for realizing life's uncertainty, facing the fact that there was evil in the world, and appreciating every day of life I had... I already lived like that. I lost two fathers by the time I was twenty. I grew up Baptist, which considers everybody capable of terrorism unless redirected at an early age. I come from a very down-to-earth family that doesn't rage against the cosmos very often. (Well, we do, but only about topics like stupid baby names and Daylight Savings Time.)

There aren't soldiers in my family, and DC, PA, and NY don't have anything to do with our daily lives.

I did let go of the thought that I need to do all the right things so God will protect me, and that it's up to me to defend God from critics. If He's the God of all the Universe, He can handle His own arguments.

Ultimately, the attacks rocked my world, but not my foundations.

* We start school today. I'm a mixture of excitement and dread. Addie and Stuart are doing fourth/fifth/sixth grade (homeschooling is too flexible for The System, which is part of my mission statement), and I'm feeling the weight of responsibility. We're doing two Alpha-Omega SoS classes and Teaching Textbooks (also computer-based) for math, freeing me of preparation and teaching in three subjects.

Daphne starts kindergarten/first grade/second grade. Maybe instead of "flexible," homeschoolers should be considered "fluid."

* Men who have time to listen to podcasts (as opposed to me, a woman who has no time to listen to podcasts): check out my friend Mike's "The Married Man Podcast" on Facebook. As he and his buddies say, they're not licensed counselors, but they ARE all happily married so that counts for something.

* In the last two weeks, Phillip's vocabulary has expanded from two words (Mama, Dada) to at least seven: ball, juice, bee, yeah, no (which he says as "mo"), cheese, fish, and -- my favorite -- "Diddy" for Addie.

* What he can't say is, "Oh, Mama, here's where I put the camera when I played with it last week and lost it."

* In other news, we lost the new camera we bought two weeks ago. This replaced the one we broke on vacation in June. Which replaced the one we lost back this winter. Now my friend Deidre understands why I reacted with horror when she offered to let me borrow their camera to take on a day trip with us.

-- SJ

Dating Darren

Figuring that it was about time for Darren to get some special treatment, I took him out on a Darren Date yesterday.

(The kids happily waved us away; they got to spend the evening with Vanessa, which all four of them consider an improvement on daily life. Daphne frequently expresses the wish that Vanessa would move in with us, so she could always put Daphne to bed.)

Darren always defers to what I want to do when we go out, so this time I planned things that he never gets to do because I'm the only girl he ever goes out with. First, we ate at Five Guys. They serve hamburgers. Oh, some other things too, like fries (in paper cups) and pounds of roasted peanuts. But it's mostly burgers. It's not my favorite place to eat, and I think that's partly because of the peanuts. Piles and piles of peanuts, and not a single one boiled. They're all roasted. It's such a waste of space. But Darren loves it, and I admit the burgers are good. The patties fall apart, which Darren says indicates more beef than soy product.
Then we saw Cowboys & Aliens. Darren wanted to see it, and enjoyed it thoroughly. I didn't care if I ever saw it, but I ended up enjoying it, too. I liked how they brought out all the usual Western props: grizzled country preacher (he stitches up the hero's wound and breaks the thread with his teeth); fussy bartender/doctor (wears glasses, an apron, and can't shoot a gun); cruel ranch boss who controls the town (Harrison Ford); plucky Western woman who wears a holster slung across her dress (she gets emancipated later and then wears buckskin trousers); calm and wise Native warriors; and lastly, strong and silent hero (Daniel Craig, who makes for very easy lookin' with his blue eyes and broad shoulders).

But then the story throws in advanced technology and aliens, which mixes up the tropes a little bit. The hero leaps from a galloping horse to a moving... no, not train. A low-flying spaceship. The aliens rope running... no, not cattle, but people. The cowboys and indians meet in battle... together to fight the aliens. It was fun.

It was a little scary in parts. And there were a few gaping plotholes. (Why would an alien race waste time capturing individual humans when they could just BLOW US UP?) There was some stock Hollywood theology: they just never quite get it, but they get points for effort. And the final message of the movie, as everyone is living happily in the newly-revived mining town (Old West towns can be obliterated at the beginning, but they spontaneously regenerate by the end) is clearly, "Lots of gold makes everybody good hard workers, full of integrity, and happy!" Who can dislike a promise like that?

As usual, I spend far too much time on a throwaway movie. I should have let Darren write about it. He would have had to stand blankly for a moment, because he hasn't even THOUGHT about it since we got out of the theater, and then he'd say, "It was pretty good." Which sums it up.

The date, however, was very good.

-- SJ

Watch What You Say

I can't spell out loud, nor can I decipher words spelled aloud. But Darren and I do both have a good vocabulary.
This afternoon, I felt we needed to get out of the house. But I wanted to discuss it with Darren without the child present understanding what we were saying. It took some skill.

"How about if we..." I began. Darren turned his attention from Wizard 101 to Wife. "If we purchased sustenance from the poultry place?"

Darren paused. "The Atlanta one or the Kentucky one?"

"Atlanta. Then we could proceed to an open-air area to enjoy our repast."

"Sounds great to me!"

So we rounded up the kids, got supper at Chick-Fil-A, and ate it at a park.

-- SJ

Sunshine

Life, as it so often does, got better.

Actually, it was always pretty good. Now that I've had more sleep, more time to recharge, and less biological interference, I'm happy to give sunshine its turn.

* Two weekends ago, our friends Jayme and Todd told us about a community contra-dance being held about an hour away from us. Anybody who knows the History of Darren and Sara knows that we first got to know each other specifically because we didn't go out dancing with our friends. Ever since then, however, we've wanted to give it a whirl (literally). Ten years later, it finally happened.

You know how you look forward to something so much -- romanticize it so much -- that when you finally get to do it, it falls a little flat? Well, that's not what happened here. Darren and I had... um, had a ball. We made lots of mistakes, but then, so did everybody else (except probably Todd and Jayme). The whole thing deserves its own blog post. We hadn't even caught our breath from the first dance before we were talking about "next time."

* We're almost officially done with school for the year. Darren's going to go over a couple more math concepts with A&S, and then our summer begins. I always thought I'd be the type to homeschool through the summer. That was before I actually, you know, homeschooled anybody.

I am very pleased with the kids' progress in math. I've pushed hard in math because I know that if I let it lapse, they won't just pick it up later. And they're finishing with a good grasp of multiplication, rounding, division, fractions, and solving two-step equations. Did you hear that wind whistling through the treetops? That's me sighing with relief.

* Daphne spends half-hours at the time now drawing dragons, cats, and unicorns. And they're very recognizable. She also often draws my D&D character, Calla, with her character, Kitty. She makes Calla very tall with an oval-shaped body, a thatch of curly hair on top, and two very pronounced ears. It's very charming.

* I dreamed that my friend Danielle had another baby and named her Calla. I was delighted, because I love the name but couldn't get it through committee when naming my own children. Then I woke up and was disappointed. Danielle produces very cute kids, deserving of a name like Calla. So Danielle, could you see about that for me? Thanks.

* Speaking of dreams, the other night I dreamed I was having lunch with my "best friend," a man. While we lunched together, I explained some of the things my husband and I had been discussing. Then, happily, I exclaimed, "My husband and my best friend -- my two favorite men!" Once awake, I realized that the two men in the dream were, in fact, both Darren.

* Speaking of Darren, which I do more frequently than is seemly for a woman married a decade, he was one step ahead of my Thundercloud post below. He'd already reserved a hotel room for me this weekend. We enjoyed a date, and then he went home. I stayed by myself in the quiet, clean hotel room and played Wizard 101 without interruptions, then slept without interruptions, then enjoyed a morning without interruptions. Gold stars for my husband and best friend.

* I forgot to pack my brush for the hotel stay. Fortunately, I just got my hair cut, so it was easier to make it go into place. Also fortunately, I've seen The Little Mermaid so know how to use a dinglehopper.

-- SJ

Romance and Toddlers

Cleaning out his old emails, Darren found one I wrote him in 2003. We had two toddlers at the time. Addie's idea of playing was to dump water onto the carpet and stomp in it, or to insist that her blocks be stacked EXACTLY THE RIGHT WAY. Stuart routinely got into our loose change and scattered coins across the carpet. Both woke up entirely too early every morning, happy to greet the day.

It was an intense time of parenting. But we still managed to keep our romance alive:

From: Sara
To: Darren
Subject: For my husband...


How do I love you?
How can I tell you?

The breadth of my love is as toys,
Spread 'round upon the carpet,
Everpresent.
Thus is my love for you.

The height of my love is as alphabet blocks,
Stacked one upon another,
Unvarying.
Thus is my love for you.

The depth of my love is as water,
Poured out day by day on the floor,
Neverending.
Thus is my love for you.

My love is eager,
As one laughing at dawn.
My love is joyful,
As one dancing upon coins.

As numerous as Cheerios,
Are my grateful thanks that you are mine.

-- SJ