Pictures of Me

I recently got some new clothes, and recently lost some old weight, and today decided to put the two together into a blog post. How often are there pictures of just me on my own blog? Well, I didn't manage it this time, either, since I included a picture of Daphne at the end. That's not something I regret, though. Anyway, on to pictures of (mostly) me.

New jacket, new shirt, new van behind me. The tree we've had for a while.

It's fun to feel like you look cool.

The jacket and shirt are still new! So is the pose!

And to break up the monotony, here's Daphne in one of the new dresses from Grandpa and Nana. Must be nice to be this effortlessly cute.

Escape!

Darren, being a husband far above rubies and liberally decorated with gold stars, has helped me arrange a weekend getaway for myself in August.

(By "helped me arrange," I mean "agreed to keep the kids." The rest is pleasant work on my part.)

I've got a pretty full schedule for that weekend. There's so much I want to get to, that I simply can't do on a daily basis. So far, the lineup looks like this:

1. Write
2. Sleep late
3. Not worry about anybody's meals except my own
4. Write
5. Not clean anything up
6. Not listen to any conversations I don't want to hear
7. Write
8. Sit beside the river and look at the clouds
9. Sit beside the river in the moonlight
10. Write
11. Go ziplining with Deidre
12. Finish a story

Yeah, obviously I'm striking out into new horizons here... finishing a story! Seriously!

Oh, right, and that ziplining thing. I read about it in the airplane magazine last month when flying down to Mississippi, and thought it sounded fun. I've always wanted to fly. When we drove past this place recently, I exclaimed to Darren, "Look! A zipline! Wouldn't that be the coolest thing?"

Profound silence from his side of the van. His sense of adventure was being strangled by his intense dislike of heights. Okay, fine. I called Deidre instead.

I will, of course, blog about the experience. I mean, if I can fit it into my schedule.

-- SJ

Excerpt from an Owner's Manual

Congratulations on your new purchase! At Intelligent Design Studios ™*,  our goal is to create the very best in life products.

Your Female Human Body has been designed and tested over many years to reach optimum performance. The following information will assist you in maintaining and enjoying your Body.

The FHB is uniquely suited to long-term survival. Its compact size compared to the Male Human Body model means it requires less food and resources to function. Historically, this single feature has ensured more consistent longevity.

In addition, the FHB features an automatic Resources Conservation Mode. This mode kicks in anytime the FHB loses mass or has access to less food. When in conservation mode, the Body retains water and energy resources to prevent starvation and death. (Note: this is sometimes the default mode: see Reproduction.)

Reproduction: The most outstanding feature of the FHB, as compared to the MHB, is its ability to build, produce, and maintain Baby Human Bodies of both types. During the Reproduction phase, the FHB requires special resources and maintenance.  The FHB also functions in Resources Conservation Mode until BHB can produce its own resources for survival.

Troubleshooting:  The FHB has been known to resist switching out of the Resource Conservation Mode, even when the owner has no need for the extra resources being stored. It is possible to send the Body back to the lab for surgical restructuring, but many owners find the cost prohibitive. For a more budget-friendly solution, we recommend eating less and exercising more.  That works, assuming anything does.

The MHB does not have a problem switching out of Resource Conservation Mode. Owners of the FHB may find this difference in design frustrating. We at Intelligent Design Studios ™ understand and are working on it. Meanwhile, rest secure in the knowledge that if there is an apocalypse, the FHB is the one you want to have on hand.

Thank you for choosing IDS™

*IDS is known variously as “God,” “the gods,” “Evolution” “Nature,” “the Universe,” and, rarely, “The Force.” The names are not, however, considered interchangeable.**

** The author is making no statement about her beliefs regarding the origin of life. She is just trying to be funny.

The Sorting Hat

Addi just turned 11. What she really wanted was an acceptance letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, asking her to report to Platform 9 3/4 at the end of summer to go to school. Next best to that, though, was a Harry Potter party.

(Planning any kind of event absolutely paralyzes me. My kids are lucky that I'm friends with Deidre, who makes most of our parties happen.)

We just got a new camera, which means I have pictures of the wand-decorating, the cake and butterbeer, and yes, the Quidditch game. But first, I figured you'd want to know which of the four Hogwarts Houses you'd be sorted into, right?

(Also lucky for me, Deidre took many Teen Magazine quizzes in her youth, so this arrived through email last weekend.)

As a bonus, there are some extra acceptance letters to each House. (Lucky for me, Deidre...) So if you post your result in the comments, I'll send you your letter. But not by owl.

The Sorting Hat Quiz

Welcome to Hogwarts!  You will now be sorted into your houses.  The Sorting is a very important ceremony because while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts.  You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your common room.

The four houses are called Gryfiindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.  Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn you house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points.  At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor.  I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

Please choose the answer that best applies to you.
1. You’re in the dungeon for a test in your potions course.  You notice that one of the students is cheating by looking over your work.

A. You bravely lean over and tell him to stop cheating.

B.  It is one of your fellow housemates after all.  You wait till the end of class and tell him you saw what he did and give him a chance to change.

C.  You cast a spell that puts him in a bubble that everyone can see into but He can’t see out of so the cheating ceases. 

D.  You don’t want the teacher to think you’re helping him cheat.  You write a note exposing the cheater and fly it to your teacher’s desk.



2.  It’s Quidditch season again!  To tryout or not to tryout, that is the the question.

A.  You go for it!  No plans or hesitation, just full steam ahead!

B.  You ask some of the veteran quidditch players to help you train everyday till the tryouts.

C.  The more you think about it, you’d rather invent your own wizarding game and get it approved by the school.

D.  You shrewdly plan to be practicing your impressive quidditch skills the afternoons that you know the coaches will be around the field.  You know if they see your moves and dedication you’ll guarantee your spot.


3.  Professor Sprout gives you a herbology assignment and says that you can pick anyone you want for your partner.

A.  You ask the kid next to you who you’ve seen struggling in the class.

B.  You wait till the end and approach the one girl that no one chose.

C.  You create a chart with pluses and minuses of your top three choices to help you decide.

D.  You offer the best student in the class a chocolate frog and as he’s eating it, you suggest you two partner up.



4.  A wealthy relative has sent you some wizard gold for your birthday.

A.  You buy some robes for your poor friend who has to wear hand-me-downs and spend the rest on a feast of good foods for the two of you.

B.  You hire a tutor to help you in the classes you’ve not been doing so well in. 

C.  You spend some now and save the rest in your account at Gringots.

D.  You donate some to The Society For The Preservation of True Bloods and the rest on a new cauldron. 



5.  Because of a special trust issued to Hogwarts, each member on your quidditch team gets to pick out a brand new broom stick. 

A.  You’re not afraid of a new challenge.  So you pick the fastest model available.

B.  You suggest that everyone chose the same model so the games will be fair.

C.  You choose the base model and tweak it a bit to make it perfect for you.

D.  You research the models available before choosing, so you can be sure you’ll win your next match.



6.  There is a new movement to liberate the house elves.

A.  Join forces!

B.  Organize a counter organization.  Your loyalties lie with the wizards.

C.  You create your own secret movement to help the house elves.

D.  You use your personal house elf to keep you informed of what the organization is doing.


Add up all the A, B, C and D answers.  Whichever you have the most of is your new house!

A.  Gryffindor
B.   Hufflepuff
C.  Ravenclaw
D.  Slytherin

Birthday Girl pictures

Addi with her McLeod tam, direct from Scotland.

Addi with her freshly-pierced ear and sparkly earring.

Addi with her mama, an essential element in her original birthday.

Kid Bits

We usually split our family into two sections: the Bigs and the Littles. At the rate they're all growing, we'll soon have the Bigs and the Also Bigs.

**
Shortly after Phillip's birthday, I asked him, "How old are you?" He replied, "Twenty-two." And that's what he replies to any kind inquiries of his age now.

But if family asks how old he is, now he just blows a raspberry.

**
I was reciting everyone's full name to Pip. When I got to Darren's, Daphne chimed in: "Daddy's middle name is my birth month!" Phillip was eager to be funny too, and burst out: "Daddy Jones Month!"

**
Darren and I were catching up when he got home from work. It's an activity that never fails to attract kids, who notice that both Conversation and Affection are being generated and shouldn't they have a share in that? So we were talking over the day, and heard Daphne behind us: "Um, hey Mama and Daddy?"

Sigh. "Yes, Daphne?"

"Ummm.... I just wanted to tell you about how superliquids are different from regular liquids. Because in a superliquid, all the atoms flow in the same direction. In a regular liquid, they flow in any direction."

We thanked her for the knowledge (completely new knowledge, in my case). The child reads science books, yes.

**
 Addi got her ears pierced for her birthday. She chose the biggest, sparkliest studs available. It required a consent waiver that I had to sign in four different places. I had no idea that ear-piercing was such a risky undertaking.

**
Stuart had spent a while reading some of the back copies of the blog (I got bound copies of nearly every year). He remarked to me later, "I think you and Daddy have done a great job of raising me." Aww, sweet boy, we'll just settle for not giving you therapy material later in life.

-- SJ

Annual Review for AM Jones

Annual Review and Report
7/6/12

Name: Adelaide, known as Addi (or, occasionally, Addi-bug)

Hair: Short, thick, and lustrous brown

Eyes: Creek-colored, like a good many of her other McLeod-stock relatives.

Interests:
Reading - six Nancy Drew books last week

Cooking - makes a good chocolate chip cookie

Shopping - recently saved up and bought a McLeod-tartan tam from Scotland

Creating elaborate superstitions - "I can't wear that shirt! It has thirteen patterns on it!"

Climbing trees - she'd sleep in one if she could

Suffering - if circumstances don't allow her to suffer, she'll choose to believe the circumstances are different."You let him play with my music box! Now I'll ALWAYS have to let ANYBODY play with ALL MY STUFF!"

Loud, bangy music - on repeat, no less.
 
Notes: Routinely amazes her family with her varied and random knowledge base. Is willing to be in charge, but doesn't seek it out. Her love of loud music is at variance with her dislike of large gatherings and loud conversations. Enjoyable conversationalist.

Recommendation: Upgrade to Next Age Level, with honors.

Happy eleventh birthday to Addi! We love you!

-- SJ, DJ, SMJ, DMJ, PGJ

Happy Birthday Poem

My mother's birthday was yesterday, so I wrote her a poem.

I'm kind of embarrassed to post it, though. I set out to compose an ode in the grand tradition of my family, which generally contains lines like:

I'm sure glad you're my mother
Because you wouldn't be if I'd been born to another.

But I completely lost my head and ended up with something that:

1. Has no meter or rhyme
2. Is kind of a serious effort

My apologies, Mom. I'll try not to work as hard on it next year. Hope this entertains you meanwhile.

An Ideal Mother

Question:

When you were growing up,

Did your mother bake cookies?

Did she take you to a salon for a mother-daughter “spa day”?

Did she plan fun, creative activities for you?

Lucky! You must have had an ideal mother.

Answer:
Yes!

She baked cookies!

Only, it wasn’t cookies, it was food. Cooked from scratch, every day. Rice and gravy, barbecue chicken, potato salad (served warm!), red beans and rice, field peas and butterbeans, pork chops, corn on the cob, meatloaf. Cookies? Pfft, she just bought those.

She took me to a salon for a mother-daughter “spa day”!

Except not really to a salon so much. She didn’t care much about facials and manicures. Planting roses, chopping wood, and refinishing furniture does a number on painted fingernails. No, we left the Scrabble game set up all the time and played a lot. And she gave me books that she’d really liked. And we sat together and talked a lot. Spa days? That would have interfered with our visiting.

She planned fun and creative activities for me!

Or, rather, she left me alone to read, play the computer, ride my bike, swim in the creek, make up stories. That was fun. When I told her about what I was thinking of, she had lots of ideas and suggestions and laughed at my jokes. That helped me be creative. She was always there when I needed her, and not in the way when I needed time to myself.  Plan my activities? Where’s the fun in that?

 

Why, yes, I did have an ideal mother.

Thanks for noticing.

I love you, Mom! Happy Birthday!

-- SJ