Communication: A Good Thing

All the personality tests, love language descriptions, and “what Jane Austen hero are you” quizzes agree: Darren and I are remarkably compatible. We have the same general tastes, like the same types of foods, enjoy many of the same activities, and share a high tolerance for clutter and mess. Consequently, we’ve avoided some of the routine personality conflicts that most married couples run in to. Pretty nice that we’ve got it so easy, eh?

Except that such easy compatibility comes with its own set of problems, as we discovered this past weekend.

We went down to Florida together, each operating under assumptions that we never actually discussed with one another. Why bother? We know how the other operates. Unfortunately, while Darren thought he was giving me exactly the vacation I wanted, I thought he was leaving me in the lurch while he went off to enjoy the conference. It was not a successful chapter in our marriage.

When we got home, the conflict was resolved mostly by writing letters to each other because we deal with things so much better in writing. We know now where we went wrong; the air between us is clear. But we’re sorry we didn’t perform this marvel of communication before the trip.

We’ve agreed that from now on, before any major trip we’ll write essays entitled, “What I Hope To Get Out of My Trip” and exchange them for reading and discussion.

-- SJ