Dear Editor,
Enclosed is a short story for your consideration. I'd like to explain a few things about it first, though, to clear up any potential confusion.
First of all, you'll notice that it's double-spaced and indented throughout, just like your guidelines said. Please disregard the *backs* of the pages, which might appear to be random photocopied pages of church music. That's what it is, of course, because my three-year-old locked (and lost the keys to) the cabinet where we keep our clean printer paper so I had to pull from our recycling stack. I think you'll appreciate this "green" effort on my part.
Secondly, although I ran it through spell-check, you might discover some unusual errors in the wording. That's because I finished it at about 11:00 one night. Yes, of course I proofread it, but again it was about 10:45 p.m. when I did it. I have four kids, Editor. I homeschool them. That means that they're always with me, all day, until they finally go to bed. So I do all my writing between 9:30 and 11:00 at night. I think you'll realize how significant it is that you're even holding a finished story from me.
Thirdly, about the ending. I was hoping we could work together to tighten it up. I know it falls sort of flat. That's because when I was writing it, at 11:00 at night, I was still fielding questions from children who were SUPPOSED to be in bed, questions like, "Hey, Mama, do you know how to say 'paper towel' backwards? I can say it for you."
Keeping these factors in mind, I'm sure you'll understand the value of the story you're about to read. Simply the fact that it's finished, printed, and mailed to you pretty much qualifies it as miraculous. And who wouldn't want to print a miraculous story? I'll be waiting to hear from you regarding my payment.
Sincerely,
-- SJ
Sunday, August 22, 2010
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8 comments:
sounds like it is definitely worth a 50K advance...
This made me laugh! I'm guessing that Stuart was the one saying paper towel backwards? Do you think he can teach me? :)
I haven't even had time to send an email to someone I'm supposed to be writing an article about to explain why I'm two weeks late for my writing deadline. I'm totally shot by the time my children go down for a few hours (which is all the girls can manage these days before they need to see me again). I had to remind myself again today that the children are my no. 1 priority. They remind me hourly or so but I'm usually so busy attempting to get a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer I don't notice.
I just want to see the editor's face as he reads your letter. Surely, (s)he was cracking up -- or at least I was because I was picturing the entire scene in all its glory. :)
Well, of course this isn't the letter I sent. Maybe I should have. I'm not that confident in person, just on my blog. :)
-- SJ
SO funny Sara! I also laughed at your previous post!! And what a great idea about mom's day out.
[ love ]
Your sense of humor is my favorite.
I would enjoy it if this "letter" were published in a mag.
Thanks for the laughs! Especially the ending.
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