Just a Short List

Not all our appliances went wrong this week. In fact, most of them worked just perfectly (minus the usual old-appliance quirks like the ice-maker that's broken and the front left burner that doesn't heat). The only ones that had to be replaced or repaired this week -- and it's a short list -- were:

• Microwave: It was already on its way out, but the Start button stopped working earlier this week. I was fine just using the "Minute Plus" button, but apparently this is a quirk not unlike a stove with a burner that doesn't heat.

• Vacuum cleaner: We already knew it needed to be replaced, on account of the fact that it was held together with masking tape.

• Garbage disposal: The garbage disposal was easily diagnosed: it had a popsicle stick wedged in it. A non-working garbage disposal affects the dishwasher, so we had to stay vigilant to make sure that nasty dirty dishwater didn't fill up and spill over the kitchen sink. Not to say this has happened before.

• Air conditioner: It ran merrily, just didn't actually cool anything. It is unfortunate that it didn't cool anything because after a day of raging tornados earlier this week, the weather jumped up into the 90s. I may be a complete loss from November to February, but my Southern upbringing knows how to deal with hot summer days. I turned off lights, kept blinds down, turned on ceiling fans, and didn't go outside unless absolutely necessary. That evening, we dressed the kids in cotton t-shirts for pajamas and we gave them all long cool baths before bed. The nights (two of them) were tolerable. Actually, for the first fifteen years of my life, I didn't live in air conditioning at all -- this was in South Mississippi, for all you Yankees who are saying, "Neither did I!" -- so an 85-degree house would have felt pretty nice. But when you're used to 78 degrees of processed air, 85 pushes the edge of hellish.

So we bought a new microwave, a new vacuum cleaner, got the disposal fixed, and finally got the AC man to come out this morning to tell us that we needed to wash off the coil on the outside fan (?), which he did, and the house is now full of pleasant processed air again. (Our mortgage company sent us an offer for insurance on appliance repairs, which we took them up on, which we haven't regretted. Our garbage disposals and air conditioners have delicate constitutions.)

Darren and I agreed that there should be a collective term, along the lines of "pride of lions" and "murder of crows" for household appliances that go wrong all at once. We prefer "a Murphy."

-- SJ