Dear Puddles,
You've been part of our family for nearly two years now, even longer than Phillip has. You and I have spent many happy nights curled up in bed, me sleeping and you purring. Please know that what I'm about to do has nothing to do with how I feel about you.
If only you didn't bring ticks into the house. If only you didn't use our neighbors' yards as litterboxes. If only you didn't kill baby bunnies and leave them on the lawn. The fact is, you're not a suburban feline. You need open spaces to roam. Puddles, this relationship isn't going to work.
I'm afraid I've had to find another home for you. Oh, Puddles, I'm sure you'll be much happier there! Please don't take this as rejection!
Regretfully, Sara.
**
Dear Human,
Let me in. Where's the food? Okay, now let me out.
Sincerely, Puddles.
**
Dear Puddles,
The day has come. It's time for you to leave this clipped-grass-and-asphalt world and go to live on a farm. Think of it, Puddles! You can explore all day and night! It will be everything you hoped for!
All we have to do is drive you to the farm. Here's the cat carrier!
Love, Sara.
**
Dear Human,
What are you doing? I'm not going in there! Hey! STOP! HELP! FIRE! BLOOD! KILL! I WILL SUE!
@#$%!, Puddles
**
Dear Puddles,
Here we are. Smell the fresh air! Look at the trees and the grass! No cars, no bicycles, no streets. There are other cats around, and plenty of food for you. I'm sure you'll be happy. Here, kitty! Come over one last time and let me pet you and hear your purr. I'll miss you. Here, kitty, kitty!
Wistfully, Sara.
**
Dear Human,
Do I know you? Whatever. I've got exploring to do. It's been real!
Hasta la vista, Puddles
-- SJ
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10 comments:
Can my cat hitch a ride, please?
And that's about it for cat loyalty.
We have a nice cat. She's been with us longer than all but one of our kids. She's a pure-bred Siamese, the perfect housecat.
However, we also had a Puddles once. :/ She almost went somewhere not-as-nice as a farm (you are merciful!), but she did find a new family.
Goodbye Puddles! I will miss you!
Hilarious!
Hysterical!!! Hopefully your kids are taking it okay! Sounds like a good transition for Puddles.
I think Puddles' letters were pretty accurate. & very funny.
oh goodness. and to think that I've been hanging on to Mia because you still had Puddles. Mia, who peed in my babies' beds, who would rather be outside than in, who miaows pitifully and bites my toddler for lack of company... where is this farm where Puddles lives now?
Wow, Kelly, I'll pray that you can find a similar home for Puddles' poor indoor sister.
I meant for Puddles to write you a note of farewell, but you see how enthusiastic a correspondent she is.
-- SJ
hee hee... ;-)
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