When I was pregnant with Addie, this is what I heard:
* It's the most incredible emotional experience when they first place that baby in your arms!
* After the first few days, you won't even be able to imagine life without her!
* Enjoy that baby stage! It goes by so quickly!
(Not all remarks were positive, of course. There's always the obnoxious slap-on-the-back "haha call me in eighteen years when you get some sleep again!" one. People who say this to a pregnant woman have a specially reserved room in purgatory.)
In the fullness of time, Adelaide was born. They placed her in my arms. I waited for the incredible rush of joy and emotion. Mostly I just felt awkward. Who is this baby and why is everybody calling me her mom? She was darn cute, that was for sure, but I felt like her aunt, not her mother.
Of course it didn't take long for me to fall in love with little Addie. But not imagining life without her? Well, actually, Darren and I clearly remembered life without her and we missed aspects of it.
At least I could enjoy the baby stage. Except that, um, I don't much like babies. While I loved the person Addie was becoming, she really wasn't a very exciting companion.
Was I a complete wash as a mother?
Then I had Stuart. It was a long labor that ended up being a section, and I felt miserable and battered afterward. But when Darren brought over that wrapped-up bundle and held him so I, flat on the operating table, could see him, joy and love welled up in me. Later, after I could sit up and hold him, I simply couldn't get over what a wonderful child -- my child -- he was. This was the rush I'd heard about. In my case, I just had to learn what a baby was before I could appreciate it.
With Daphne, my highest-maintenance, non-sleeping child, I enjoyed the baby stage thoroughly. I knew what to do with her, and I knew it would all pass -- the good as well as the inconvenient.
And Phillip? Phillip slipped so seamlessly into our lives and into my heart that when I was mentally reviewing 2009, I at first couldn't think of anything particularly amazing that happened. Eventually I remembered: I'd given birth to another son. But I honestly forgot he hadn't been with us forever. I couldn't imagine life without him.
As it turned out, all those things people said were true. It just took me four babies to get to them all.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
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8 comments:
Good to hear. :-) My experience sounds pretty similar, despite having grown up around plenty of babies. It just makes a huge difference to realize that they are MY babies.
I keep waiting for that baby I'll enjoy the baby stage with . . . I think it will be a grandbaby.
On the way home from the hospital with Dalton I started flipping out, rambling on and on about the nurses being crazy for letting me leave with this baby. How could they just let me walk out with this helpless little creature. I did not know what I was doing; they did not send any instructions with him. It was bad for a few hours. I finally calmed down and it turning into something you just do. I remember before I had him, but I also don’t want to go back.
I'm with QofC.... I definitely am enjoying Everleigh more. But I think it has to do with knowing I don't ever have to do this again. I love my children; but I now know why people have nannies. I would love to say, "She's all yours" while I take a LONG bath. Or finish an email. Or clean the bathroom. (No, if I could have a nanny I'd probably have a housekeeper too.)
I COMPLETELY identify with how you felt with your first born. I've actually been thinking a lot about those feelings, with #3 (but only second pregnancy) on the way. I'm nervous and keep thinking about all the things I DON'T like about the baby stage: getting up in the middle of the nights, nursing, nursing, nursing, and wondering how it's all going to work with twin toddlers running about.
So, I'm glad to hear it got a bit easier/better/smoother each time. A good thing to hear this morning.
Oh my gosh, what an absolutely perfect post. You wrote this so beautifully, every sentence. I kept copying and pasting some of your lines to quote and tell you they were my favorite, but all of them were my favorite. Just perfect...
LOL! I liked the last line the best.
So sweet! Thank you for sharing.
Elizabeth Esther
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