Dear Lawn Care Company,
I'm truly sorry it had to happen this way. Please believe me. It isn't that I don't love you -- it's just that the relationship was too much right now.
I thought you'd understand. It can't be the first time somebody has broken up with you. And we told you, it wasn't because of anything you did: it's because we can't keep paying that much right now. That's it. Nothing personal.
But you insist on making it personal. Four different phone calls in one month is too much. And then there was that representative that Darren had to hang up on because he just wouldn't let it go. That isn't even the same representative that *I* had to hang up on because of the same problem with closure. I understand that your life feels like it's falling apart. But a little tip here: you're starting to sound desperate. And who wants to date a desperate lawn company?
Seriously, it's over. We broke up. Please move on. There are other lawns in the suburbs. We have nothing but fond regard for you. If you keep it up, however, we might think it's not a good idea to get back into a relationship with you. Can you say "restraining order"?
Sincerely,
-- SJ
Saturday, April 11, 2009
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3 comments:
I wish I could take out a restraining order against the Washington Post. I cancelled my subscription (too much paper and never had time to read it anyway) and they called me several times a week for at least a month. Now they only call once every few months but it still irritates me.
Things are looking grimmer. I got this email today:
>>>From: Lawn Care Company
Subject: I know how this looks
Okay, I know this looks like I'm going too far. But you're the only lawn I ever really loved! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE I mean, I was just thinking, your hedges are looking very poor. Can't I just come over and clip clip clip CLIP CLIP CLIP i have tools that can do things. Bad things.
Fondest Regards,
Your Lawn Care Company<<<
The scariest thing is that they sent it from my sister's email account!
-- SJ
Pardon me for laughing at your situation.*ha!ha!* I hope you don't have to resort to any severe action.
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