Ernie in the Aquarium

A friend called me today with the most bizarre story. Actually, it's not surprising that the story came from her, because bizarre things always happen to them. We could sell 18 cars and never find a buyer like they did for their one car -- a buyer with an undue attachment to Ernie. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Jay and Cecilia and their boys went to deliver the car. The guy indicated the license plate on his other car, which said "2ERNIE" and said, "Most of my neighbors think that my name is Ernie. It's not. Ernie was a Pekinese I had."

"Oh," they said.

"Do you want to come in and see him? I had him dry-frozen."

He wasn't kidding. Jay asked -- very sensitively, as he's a soft-spoken man -- if Ernie was, like, a pillow on his couch or something?

"No, no. He's laid out in an aquarium, with all his favorite toys around him."

Jay had to go inside to sign the title, and Cecilia immediately called her sister, practically inarticulate with laughter. Her sister asked, "Does he live alone?"

"No, he has a live-in girlfriend."

"Are you *sure*?"

"Well, her car's parked here and it's her voice on the answering machine... but I don't know how long ago that was recorded."

After some time, Jay re-emerged from Ernie's mausoleum. "Well?" Cecilia demanded. "Did you see Ernie?"

"Oh, yes. Laid out nicely in an aquarium in his bedroom. Looks like he's asleep. The guy ended up having to go to New Jersey and paying $1300 to have him preserved like that."

"So... did you see the girlfriend?"

"No, I didn't," Jay answered. Then he reassured her, "But if she was dry-frozen also, I'm sure she's laid out beautifully."

-- SJ