- They are a part of the worship
- They hear the prayers, the songs, and see others worship
- They absorb their Christian heritage as they're surrounded by it
- They understand that Jesus wants even children to come to Him
- They might actually hear something that's said
Keeping Your Children With You in Church: Cons
- You can't pay attention to the prayers, songs, readings, or anything that takes more than thirty seconds of your time.
- An hour-and-a-half worship service turns into an hour-and-a-half disciplinary training session. Just add toddler!
- It is quiet in church. Children are not good at being quiet.
- Sometimes the person reading the Scriptures has to stop and let your toddler stop wailing after you thump her hand when she tries to stick her finger in a light socket.
- Five-year-old boys think that participating in the worship service means using silly voices to sing praise songs.
- Mothers who have sole responsibility for three children in the service, and who try very hard to live up to the ideal of Keeping Children In Service, only to herd all three out halfway through and sit in the children's room and cry, but dry her tears before the other children come in because she's in charge of children's chapel during the service even though she's thoroughly tired of being on kid duty because that's all she does, all week and all Sunday, are not likely to find the above list of Pros very compelling.
-- SJ
10 comments:
I have been there--so very very been there. Now that we home church it isn't an issue but oh I so feel for you. However may I encourage you--it really did make a huge difference in our children's spiritual health. (And I used to take all sorts of "keep the 4 year old boy busy" activities. It is worth it though.
I think churches everywhere should prohibit mothers of young children from participating in the child care or classes, instead of turning to them first. Of course in small churches that's not always an option, but think people. We're with them ALL WEEK LONG.
This week we had a good week, but last week . . . we left church early in desperation.
I agree with Queen of Carrots 100%, and feel strongly the moms should Just Say No even if churches put on pressure. Even in the smallest churches, mothers of young children should stand firm -- even if it means not having the classes.
I think another part of the solution -- and I know this would cost something but think it should be a priority -- is for churches to have a carpeted room with rocking chairs equipped with, at a minimum, a speaker with the service piped in, but much more ideally, a closed-circuit TV so moms can see and hear everything going on. Better yet, a little room right at the back of the sanctuary -- soundproofed and with double-paned picture window -- so the moms and kids would be right there but not have to worry about distracting others with the noise. How I would have appreciated this with my little ones!
I would have appreciated it even for nursing my daughter when she was a baby. She made such huge gulping sounds, with comical hiccoughs and gasps -- really, you'd have to hear it to believe it! -- that I couldn't consider public nursing and missed many a church service, thinking, "There should be a way around this."
It makes me think about maybe making a donation to my church for just such a project.
In defense of my church, I put myself in charge of the children's chapel. About two years ago, something needed to be done with the children (most of whom are youth now), and if there's one thing I thoroughly enjoy, it's teaching children. Only when combined with child-maintenance and a general feeling of failure every week, the joy drains out of it.
There are others willing to relieve me some Sundays, if they knew how I ran it. The trouble is, I'm far better at coming up with a lesson on the spot than organizing a plan for others to use. So it's partly my fault I'm so burnt out: I haven't taken the time to set up a way for others to step in.
Our church has about 26 regular attenders, including my three children. So a special room with a speaker simply isn't possible. There are teenagers happy to watch my kids in nursery... but I hate to take them out of service.
What is most frustrating is that I do try, very hard, every Sunday. And then I read yet another person talking yet again about how children SHOULDN'T be taken out of service and how parents today just want to GET RID of their children, etc. etc. Half of me realizes it's just a phase and one day these struggles with be behind me. The other half just wants to stay home on Sundays.
(P.S. Having had coffee with your daughter, Sue, I'm glad to report that her drinking skills have improved dramatically.)
We were blessed with a pious-church-loving saint in our first born. Then his sister came along.... I leave church every Sunday exhausted. Making it worse is that she has inspired her formerly well-behaved brother to do whatever he wants in church so as not to make her look bad.
And yet....We went to my parents mega-church last week and were shuffled to a room with all the other parents of young children and a television monitor with the service on it. After 10 minutes of no one being able to focus I instructed my parents to take Ben into the real service (at 4, he is now old enough). Mike, Kyri and I stayed for awhile, felt like there was no benefit and walked around the lobby for the last 45 minutes. I got NOTHING out of that one so I guess even a little bit of distracted listening is better than that.
SO been there and in fact, am there once again! I look at my teens and see them sitting still and listening and recognize that this too shall pass but it is hard when they all are clamoring for Mama's attention, could care less about the sermon and moan loudly each Sunday, "NO!!! Not church AGAIN!!" Diligence is something the Lord is also teaching mothers. Stick with it! It is worth it in the end. At least it looks that way when you look at my teens :)VERY difficult when Daddy is involved with the service so the entire training falls on Mama.We do trade off during the week though. Every chance Dad gets, bedtime is all his!
Miss you!
geni
This post made me laugh because just last Sunday morning, after service, Kevin and I looked at each other and said, "Why did we bother coming today?" Sigh ...
This is something I can totally relate to! We do take our children in with us to church, and I think that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but we do have our days...
I do have a few ideas for you.
1. When we were at our old church, Peter was a deacon, and I often found myself with more kids than arms. One thing I started to do was enlist a college age or older single girl to come sit us, with the understanding that she would help as needed. It relieved my stress, and gave her a little "child-training" exposure as well. The kids thought it was fun having a "friend" sit with us as well, and often behaved better just knowing that she was there with a purpose.
2. The other thing is to practice your church manners during your daily family devotions time. The difference that we make is that the kids are allowed to ask questions and participate more actively at home, but you can practice singing (nicely!), praying reverently, and reading the Bible quietly.
Now, our daughter is 5, and she is a champ. Our 2 and 3 year old boys are more of a challenge, but I'm hopeful on their account too.
Take care, and hang in there!
Debra
Thanks for the comments, encouragement, and sympathy! Mostly sympathy at this point. The rest I'll get to when I'm not so irritated at the whole situation.
-- SJ
Mollie is ok in church. Of course she only stays for about 20-25 minutes, then goes downstairs for children's time. She sits quietly, tries to solve her puzzles in the children's bulletin, and whispers every 30 seconds, "Is it time to go downstairs yet?" I am able to hear some of what is said in the few seconds between asking her to quite asking me, and the next time she asks me! If Evan is in the serviced with me, it usually goes like this... Mollie asks how much time until they can go downstairs. Then she tries to help Evan color on his bulletin. Then the crayons fall out of the box onto the floor. Then they both get off the pew to pick up the crayons, with me whispering for them to be quiet. Then the sit back down. Evan realizes the floor was more fun than the pew. He gets back on the floor and tries to 'snake' his way under all the pews. I send Mollie after him. She knocks the crayons on the floor. I tell them both to sit still or some consequence will occur. Mollie asks if it is time to go downstairs. My answer, "I hope!" -Nina
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