I was talking with a young teen recently about her deep, passionate love for all five of the members of the boy band One Direction. She was making up a story, she said, based on one of the boys. Apparently he is in love with another famous singer, but he dies, and she has to carry on. She forces herself to perform despite her pain, and one night at a concert, she sees his ghost.
Teen girls throughout the ages swoon.
It got me thinking. I never went in for celebrity crushes, but I certainly had a sizable roster of imaginary boyfriends, mostly from the stories I wrote. They were all good-looking, considerate, and witty. Oh, and alive.
Love stories that involve death simply don't thrill me. I don't listen to sad songs, I don't read sad stories. When a friend told me that she thought it was tragic and romantic to fling herself off a cliff into the ocean for the sake of lost love, I laughed.When I read about a girl caught in a love triangle between an undead vampire and a virile werewolf, I thought, "Honey, go for the warm body!" When it comes to tragic love, I'm all Elinor Dashwood, not Marianne.
I don't mean to say I didn't have laughable ideas about romance. I was into the idea of understated romantic tension. Lifelong love and passion? Absolutely! But I preferred my heroes to declare themselves with a grin and an offhand comment rather than an impassioned monologue in a rainstorm. I took the idea to the point that, at about age nineteen, I thought it would be the essence of understated passion for me to exchange vows with a man who would then kiss my hand. Four years later, when my father-in-law pronounced us man and wife, Darren had already informed me that he was not settling for my fingers.
All this to say... I'm not really sure what. Just that romances that involve death or ghosts don't make me puddle up into beautiful, satisfied tears. If he's going to kiss her hand, she had darn well better be able to feel it.
-- SJ
Showing posts with label LifeWithSara. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LifeWithSara. Show all posts
Monday, December 10, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Choose One
1. Aliens kidnapped me.
2. I'm secretly a superhero, and crime has been soaring in my neighborhood for the past several months.
3. I've been too busy growing my own wheat and milking my own cow so my children can have naturally-sourced, organic toast and butter every morning.
4. Sewing your own bedsheets, curtains, and bath towels takes time and energy.
5. Just taking a little break from here to teach my kids advanced chemical diagramming!
6. I've been writing a novel and have no interest in doing anything else, including breathing.
One of these statements is true, and that's why the blog has been neglected for so long. However, those dear and close to me are lovingly compelling me to return to the world where everybody else lives. Unforutnately, this will mean a lot of re-runs on the blog: I plan to go through Facebook and pull out a lot of my bloggy status updates and add them here for archiving purposes. But that's better than a dead blog, right? Right.
So. *blink blink* This is what y'all's world looks like, huh? I vaguely remember it. Sure is good to be back! As soon as I finish harvesting this wheat/sewing this seam/defending the innocent/writing this dialogue.
-- SJ
2. I'm secretly a superhero, and crime has been soaring in my neighborhood for the past several months.
3. I've been too busy growing my own wheat and milking my own cow so my children can have naturally-sourced, organic toast and butter every morning.
4. Sewing your own bedsheets, curtains, and bath towels takes time and energy.
5. Just taking a little break from here to teach my kids advanced chemical diagramming!
6. I've been writing a novel and have no interest in doing anything else, including breathing.
One of these statements is true, and that's why the blog has been neglected for so long. However, those dear and close to me are lovingly compelling me to return to the world where everybody else lives. Unforutnately, this will mean a lot of re-runs on the blog: I plan to go through Facebook and pull out a lot of my bloggy status updates and add them here for archiving purposes. But that's better than a dead blog, right? Right.
So. *blink blink* This is what y'all's world looks like, huh? I vaguely remember it. Sure is good to be back! As soon as I finish harvesting this wheat/sewing this seam/defending the innocent/writing this dialogue.
-- SJ
Monday, August 06, 2012
Getaway and Zip (with Pictures)
Ziplining is fun.
Climbing up ladders and waiting for your turn to go is less fun, but a couple of personable guides and great views of the Shenandoah River help pass the time. Also, pretending to be in an Ewok tree village.
You're always tethered to something, so you're not going to fall. There's nothing to worry about. So when you're standing on a 4x4-foot platform looking down at the tops of the trees, and there's no way off except by a cable that ends somewhere out of sight, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Who was worried?
Deidre and I went with River Riders in Harper's Ferry. It was definitely more fun going with a friend. The guides went over safety rules with us, then asked which of our group of seven would sign the form attesting that, yes, we'd heard the safety rules. I signed it, at which point they announced, "Congratulations! By signing this form, you've also adopted our newest guide!" As another explained, "River Riders has a deal with the local orphanage. Every time you pay for a Canopy Tour package, you get a new child!" But I left him there after all. He told very bad West Virginia jokes.
The rest of my weekend was all mine, and all good. On Sunday, I spent eight hours writing. And let me tell you, two hours stuck in the house with fractious kids lasts a whole lot longer than eight hours spent in wordcraft. The only break I took from writing was when I drove Addi to 4H camp, and that didn't take a whole lot out of my day because she dismissed me as soon as she was settled on her top bunk.
I can't say I was rarin' to get back home, but this morning I did play tea party with Daphne and read an Encyclopedia Brown story aloud to Stuart. So I must have recharged a little. And maybe I was feeling a lack of Darren.
But I figure I could stand a few more weekends like this in my life.
(The following pictures are all blurry because the guide's camera was on the wrong setting. On the upside, we got them free.)
The actual moments that you're flying down the cable are pure heaven. It goes by so fast, though. It really made me wish I could do that scene in the novel Divergent, where they zipline off what used to be Chicago's Sears Tower. Maybe my next weekend alone.
-- SJ
Climbing up ladders and waiting for your turn to go is less fun, but a couple of personable guides and great views of the Shenandoah River help pass the time. Also, pretending to be in an Ewok tree village.
You're always tethered to something, so you're not going to fall. There's nothing to worry about. So when you're standing on a 4x4-foot platform looking down at the tops of the trees, and there's no way off except by a cable that ends somewhere out of sight, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Who was worried?
Deidre and I went with River Riders in Harper's Ferry. It was definitely more fun going with a friend. The guides went over safety rules with us, then asked which of our group of seven would sign the form attesting that, yes, we'd heard the safety rules. I signed it, at which point they announced, "Congratulations! By signing this form, you've also adopted our newest guide!" As another explained, "River Riders has a deal with the local orphanage. Every time you pay for a Canopy Tour package, you get a new child!" But I left him there after all. He told very bad West Virginia jokes.
The rest of my weekend was all mine, and all good. On Sunday, I spent eight hours writing. And let me tell you, two hours stuck in the house with fractious kids lasts a whole lot longer than eight hours spent in wordcraft. The only break I took from writing was when I drove Addi to 4H camp, and that didn't take a whole lot out of my day because she dismissed me as soon as she was settled on her top bunk.
I can't say I was rarin' to get back home, but this morning I did play tea party with Daphne and read an Encyclopedia Brown story aloud to Stuart. So I must have recharged a little. And maybe I was feeling a lack of Darren.
But I figure I could stand a few more weekends like this in my life.
(The following pictures are all blurry because the guide's camera was on the wrong setting. On the upside, we got them free.)
 | |
| Deidre (the grin wearing the Battlestar Gallactica shirt on the far left) and I (wearing the green shirt) pose with our group before setting out. |
 |
| I hated the helmet. My hair afterward was beyond Medusa Hair. Deige's looked just fine, not that I noticed. |
 |
| This is the point where I felt Darren freaking out in spirit. But I was absolutely fine. P.S. Dear Deidre, good call not to jump up and down on the bridge. Our friendship would have ended twenty feet in the air. |
 |
| Here we are, with Maryland, West Virginia, and Virginia in view behind us. |
 |
| Yes, Doofenshmirtz fans, that's right: It was THE TRI-STATE AREA! |
 |
| Deige goes flying. |
 | ||||
| See the trees, how high up we are? See how the picture is taken from a HIGHER spot? Yes, we're one level down from where we actually zipped. |
The actual moments that you're flying down the cable are pure heaven. It goes by so fast, though. It really made me wish I could do that scene in the novel Divergent, where they zipline off what used to be Chicago's Sears Tower. Maybe my next weekend alone.
-- SJ
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Pictures of Me
I recently got some new clothes, and recently lost some old weight, and today decided to put the two together into a blog post. How often are there pictures of just me on my own blog? Well, I didn't manage it this time, either, since I included a picture of Daphne at the end. That's not something I regret, though. Anyway, on to pictures of (mostly) me.
 |
| New jacket, new shirt, new van behind me. The tree we've had for a while. |
 |
| It's fun to feel like you look cool. |
 | ||
| The jacket and shirt are still new! So is the pose! |
 | |
| And to break up the monotony, here's Daphne in one of the new dresses from Grandpa and Nana. Must be nice to be this effortlessly cute. |
Monday, July 23, 2012
Escape!
Darren, being a husband far above rubies and liberally decorated with gold stars, has helped me arrange a weekend getaway for myself in August.
(By "helped me arrange," I mean "agreed to keep the kids." The rest is pleasant work on my part.)
I've got a pretty full schedule for that weekend. There's so much I want to get to, that I simply can't do on a daily basis. So far, the lineup looks like this:
1. Write
2. Sleep late
3. Not worry about anybody's meals except my own
4. Write
5. Not clean anything up
6. Not listen to any conversations I don't want to hear
7. Write
8. Sit beside the river and look at the clouds
9. Sit beside the river in the moonlight
10. Write
11. Go ziplining with Deidre
12. Finish a story
Yeah, obviously I'm striking out into new horizons here... finishing a story! Seriously!
Oh, right, and that ziplining thing. I read about it in the airplane magazine last month when flying down to Mississippi, and thought it sounded fun. I've always wanted to fly. When we drove past this place recently, I exclaimed to Darren, "Look! A zipline! Wouldn't that be the coolest thing?"
Profound silence from his side of the van. His sense of adventure was being strangled by his intense dislike of heights. Okay, fine. I called Deidre instead.
I will, of course, blog about the experience. I mean, if I can fit it into my schedule.
-- SJ
(By "helped me arrange," I mean "agreed to keep the kids." The rest is pleasant work on my part.)
I've got a pretty full schedule for that weekend. There's so much I want to get to, that I simply can't do on a daily basis. So far, the lineup looks like this:
1. Write
2. Sleep late
3. Not worry about anybody's meals except my own
4. Write
5. Not clean anything up
6. Not listen to any conversations I don't want to hear
7. Write
8. Sit beside the river and look at the clouds
9. Sit beside the river in the moonlight
10. Write
11. Go ziplining with Deidre
12. Finish a story
Yeah, obviously I'm striking out into new horizons here... finishing a story! Seriously!
Oh, right, and that ziplining thing. I read about it in the airplane magazine last month when flying down to Mississippi, and thought it sounded fun. I've always wanted to fly. When we drove past this place recently, I exclaimed to Darren, "Look! A zipline! Wouldn't that be the coolest thing?"
Profound silence from his side of the van. His sense of adventure was being strangled by his intense dislike of heights. Okay, fine. I called Deidre instead.
I will, of course, blog about the experience. I mean, if I can fit it into my schedule.
-- SJ
Monday, July 16, 2012
Excerpt from an Owner's Manual
Congratulations on your new purchase! At Intelligent Design
Studios ™*, our goal is to create the
very best in life products.
Your Female Human Body has been designed and tested over
many years to reach optimum performance. The following information will assist
you in maintaining and enjoying your Body.
The FHB is uniquely suited to long-term survival. Its compact size compared to the Male Human Body model means it requires less food and resources to function. Historically, this single feature has ensured more consistent longevity.
In addition, the FHB features an automatic Resources
Conservation Mode. This mode kicks in anytime the FHB loses mass or has access
to less food. When in conservation mode, the Body retains water and energy resources
to prevent starvation and death. (Note: this is sometimes the default mode: see
Reproduction.)
Reproduction: The most outstanding feature of
the FHB, as compared to the MHB, is its ability to build, produce, and maintain
Baby Human Bodies of both types. During the Reproduction phase, the FHB requires
special resources and maintenance. The
FHB also functions in Resources Conservation Mode until BHB can produce its own
resources for survival.
Troubleshooting: The FHB has been known to resist switching
out of the Resource Conservation Mode, even when the owner has no need for the
extra resources being stored. It is possible to send the Body back to the lab for surgical restructuring, but many owners find the cost prohibitive. For a more budget-friendly solution, we
recommend eating less and exercising more. That works, assuming anything does.
The MHB does not have a problem switching out of Resource
Conservation Mode. Owners of the FHB may find this difference in design
frustrating. We at Intelligent Design Studios ™ understand and are working on
it. Meanwhile, rest secure in the knowledge that if there is an apocalypse, the
FHB is the one you want to have on hand.
Thank you for choosing IDS™
** The author is making no statement about her beliefs regarding the origin of life. She is just trying to be funny.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Personality Quiz
Today you:
a. Had friends play at your house most of the day;
b. Went to a parade and waved at pretty much everybody who passed, including the tractors;
c. Had supper at friends' house, which was full of people, many of them young and loud;
d. Caught a fireworks show in the evening;
e. Ended the day energized and happy.
Score: If you chose F, you are the only extrovert in the family.
P.S. Your name is Daphne.
-- SJ
a. Had friends play at your house most of the day;
b. Went to a parade and waved at pretty much everybody who passed, including the tractors;
c. Had supper at friends' house, which was full of people, many of them young and loud;
d. Caught a fireworks show in the evening;
e. Ended the day energized and happy.
f. All of the above, especially E.
Score: If you chose F, you are the only extrovert in the family.
P.S. Your name is Daphne.
-- SJ
Friday, May 18, 2012
SH&SW: These Things Made Me Laugh
From Facebook:
Kimberly Knight Reed:
I have always wanted to be fluent in another language. And today- it happened. Somewhere between the store and my house, I started speaking a foreign language. I can tell bc my kids have no idea what I am saying. Otherwise I am sure I would not have to say "pick up your socks" or "throw away your trash" as loudly as I have been and as many times as I have.
***
From Pip (translated into modern English):
"Saw ladybug! Outside! Didn't talk to me. Have no mouth. Has ears."
***
From Daphne:
She traded a pencil sharpener with Addi. For some reason, she decided she wanted what used to be a small house in snow globe before Pip threw it and broke it. Now it's a little house on a pedestal. Compelled to mark every single incident of her life with commentary, Daphne said in a rapturous voice, "I always dreamed of having a broken snow globe with a little house on a standable!"
***
And from me. I really like my own jokes. To prevent little hands from stealing a notebook of mine, I wrote in silver paint pen: "Sara's Notebook. Touch it and you'll be eating green bean smoothies for LIFE!"
Daphne, inspired, had me write on hers: "Daphne's Notebeook. Touch it and you'll be eating tomato cookies for LIFE!"
Addi, who is less inclined to flights of fancy, labeled hers: "Addi's Notebook. Don't touch it or you'll get the silent treatment for life." Which she probably would prefer from the majority of the planet.
I used most of my notebook up. So I got a new one yesterday. I labeled it in flowing letters, "Mama's Notebook of Beautiful Thoughts." The only thing I've written in it so far is a grocery list, which isn't very lyrical. But the handwriting looks nice.
-- SJ
Kimberly Knight Reed:
I have always wanted to be fluent in another language. And today- it happened. Somewhere between the store and my house, I started speaking a foreign language. I can tell bc my kids have no idea what I am saying. Otherwise I am sure I would not have to say "pick up your socks" or "throw away your trash" as loudly as I have been and as many times as I have.
***
From Pip (translated into modern English):
"Saw ladybug! Outside! Didn't talk to me. Have no mouth. Has ears."
***
From Daphne:
She traded a pencil sharpener with Addi. For some reason, she decided she wanted what used to be a small house in snow globe before Pip threw it and broke it. Now it's a little house on a pedestal. Compelled to mark every single incident of her life with commentary, Daphne said in a rapturous voice, "I always dreamed of having a broken snow globe with a little house on a standable!"
***
And from me. I really like my own jokes. To prevent little hands from stealing a notebook of mine, I wrote in silver paint pen: "Sara's Notebook. Touch it and you'll be eating green bean smoothies for LIFE!"
Daphne, inspired, had me write on hers: "Daphne's Notebeook. Touch it and you'll be eating tomato cookies for LIFE!"
Addi, who is less inclined to flights of fancy, labeled hers: "Addi's Notebook. Don't touch it or you'll get the silent treatment for life." Which she probably would prefer from the majority of the planet.
I used most of my notebook up. So I got a new one yesterday. I labeled it in flowing letters, "Mama's Notebook of Beautiful Thoughts." The only thing I've written in it so far is a grocery list, which isn't very lyrical. But the handwriting looks nice.
-- SJ
Monday, May 07, 2012
Love, Sara
Dear myfitnesspal.com,
DJ and I really like your site. It's useful. It's cheerful ("If every day were like today, you'd weigh X in 5 weeks!"). It has an extensive database of foods and exercises.
Only a couple of tweaks will make it even better. For instance, in addition to the "Food Diary" page, you should have another one entitled, "Foods I DIDN'T Eat Diary." That way I could record when I didn't eat pizza when the kids did, or a blueberry muffin, or Darren could input when he DIDN'T stop in at Chick-Fil-A. This feature would vastly improve our experience. Thank you.
Love, Sara.
**
Dear New Van,
We're working hard to come up with a name for you. Top runner is "Isabella." Because our other car is, you know, Ferdinand.
Love, Sara.
**
Dear myfitnesspal.com,
Oh, and your exercise database is helpful, but seeing as it's user-created, I'm surprised there aren't more entries like, "Housework (broke a sweat) -- 70 calories burned" or "Pulled kids in wagon around bumpy backyard -- 90 calories burned."
Love, Sara.
**
Dear Doting Parents,
If your last name is Box, and you adore the name Paisley, you maybe ought to reconsider using the middle name Olivia. Remember, initials matter!
Love, Sara.
**
Dear myfitnesspal.com,
Or how about, "Tore apart son's broken headboard and dragged it all out into the garage -- 110 calories burned." Or here's a good one, can't believe nobody put it in, "Walked around block with 5-year-old on bicycle going as fast as she could, and let me tell you, that's some serious walking. -- 95 calories burned."
Love, Sara.
**
Dear New Van,
Oh, how about something more whimsical? Like Queen? Or Fairy? Or Unicorn? I like Unicorn! Only, traditionally a unicorn would approach only virgin women, which is entirely the wrong idea for a minivan.
Love, Sara.
**
Dear myfitnesspal.com,
No need to be snippy. I know I can add whatever exercises I want to the database. I was just surprised that, of all the thousands of users you boast, evidently nobody does any housework or plays with their kids. That's not my fault, you know. Don't be so cranky. I think you might need to get something more to eat.
Love, Sara.
DJ and I really like your site. It's useful. It's cheerful ("If every day were like today, you'd weigh X in 5 weeks!"). It has an extensive database of foods and exercises.
Only a couple of tweaks will make it even better. For instance, in addition to the "Food Diary" page, you should have another one entitled, "Foods I DIDN'T Eat Diary." That way I could record when I didn't eat pizza when the kids did, or a blueberry muffin, or Darren could input when he DIDN'T stop in at Chick-Fil-A. This feature would vastly improve our experience. Thank you.
Love, Sara.
**
Dear New Van,
We're working hard to come up with a name for you. Top runner is "Isabella." Because our other car is, you know, Ferdinand.
Love, Sara.
**
Dear myfitnesspal.com,
Oh, and your exercise database is helpful, but seeing as it's user-created, I'm surprised there aren't more entries like, "Housework (broke a sweat) -- 70 calories burned" or "Pulled kids in wagon around bumpy backyard -- 90 calories burned."
Love, Sara.
**
Dear Doting Parents,
If your last name is Box, and you adore the name Paisley, you maybe ought to reconsider using the middle name Olivia. Remember, initials matter!
Love, Sara.
**
Dear myfitnesspal.com,
Or how about, "Tore apart son's broken headboard and dragged it all out into the garage -- 110 calories burned." Or here's a good one, can't believe nobody put it in, "Walked around block with 5-year-old on bicycle going as fast as she could, and let me tell you, that's some serious walking. -- 95 calories burned."
Love, Sara.
**
Dear New Van,
Oh, how about something more whimsical? Like Queen? Or Fairy? Or Unicorn? I like Unicorn! Only, traditionally a unicorn would approach only virgin women, which is entirely the wrong idea for a minivan.
Love, Sara.
**
Dear myfitnesspal.com,
No need to be snippy. I know I can add whatever exercises I want to the database. I was just surprised that, of all the thousands of users you boast, evidently nobody does any housework or plays with their kids. That's not my fault, you know. Don't be so cranky. I think you might need to get something more to eat.
Love, Sara.
Thursday, May 03, 2012
Sh&Sw 2: 1200 Calories
Darren and I are tracking our calories to get our eating under control. (It's odd, from a historical perspective, that we are so well off that we have to train ourselves to eat less.) On the one hand, it's a lot more fun working on it together. On the other hand, it's no fun whatsoever to be the female half of the team. You know how many calories Darren gets in a day? Hm, let's see... he considers 750 for lunch to be a good target. That's more than half of my entire daily allowance. Not only is life unfair, but biology is too.
In fact, for the first two weeks on myfitnesspal.com, I ended each day nearly in tears. Even with walking or running a mile or two a day, I was still overshooting my goal. And it's not like I sat around eating candy bars and doughnuts all day.
Here's what has made a difference:
1. Darren's friend Maureen, who is helping keep him on track, wrote to me that "1200 calories can be a little food or a lot of food, depending on what you eat." She suggested lots of veggies... as in, entire packages of frozen vegetables. So I took her up on it, filling up my bowl with broccoli or soybeans and adding a bit of rice or cheese or chicken to make it more interesting. It works, it really does.
2. Tracking my calories is like budgeting: it shows up where I spend the most. In my case, it's snacks. I can eat 245 for breakfast, 312 for lunch, 390 for supper... and 500 for snacks. Getting the snack section under control has made it much easier to see green numbers at the end of the day.
The scale is consistently five pounds lower than it was a month ago, which is pleasing. Darren's progress is even more remarkable, because he's been disciplined, active, and because biology isn't fair.
-- SJ
In fact, for the first two weeks on myfitnesspal.com, I ended each day nearly in tears. Even with walking or running a mile or two a day, I was still overshooting my goal. And it's not like I sat around eating candy bars and doughnuts all day.
Here's what has made a difference:
1. Darren's friend Maureen, who is helping keep him on track, wrote to me that "1200 calories can be a little food or a lot of food, depending on what you eat." She suggested lots of veggies... as in, entire packages of frozen vegetables. So I took her up on it, filling up my bowl with broccoli or soybeans and adding a bit of rice or cheese or chicken to make it more interesting. It works, it really does.
2. Tracking my calories is like budgeting: it shows up where I spend the most. In my case, it's snacks. I can eat 245 for breakfast, 312 for lunch, 390 for supper... and 500 for snacks. Getting the snack section under control has made it much easier to see green numbers at the end of the day.
The scale is consistently five pounds lower than it was a month ago, which is pleasing. Darren's progress is even more remarkable, because he's been disciplined, active, and because biology isn't fair.
-- SJ
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Influential Sayings
"What are five books that have influenced you most?" I hate questions like this. As soon as I'm asked for a list of anything, my mind goes blank. Five books, for instance? I suddenly can't remember a single book I've ever read in my whole life. Same for "favorite songs." Same for "sins to confess." (I always felt frantic during times of "self-examination" when I couldn't remember anything I'd ever done wrong.)
But if I approach the subject stealthily and gradually, I can come up with some answers. Some people make lists of worship songs. I, on the other hand, have identified five (fairly random) phrases that have had a big influence on how I think.
I might be wrong.
I like my opinions. I think they're accurate, well-balanced, and grace-filled. Many times I'm sure they're based on solid Biblical foundations. But it's incredibly helpful to remind myself that I might be wrong. That margin of error makes room for compassion, understanding... and even the ability to change my mind.
The Bible isn’t an instruction manual
It's not, you know. It's a collection of ancient writings -- some poetry, some history, some campfire stories, some letters, some narratives. It's the only authorized and inspired text that tells us Who God is and who we are in His sight. It's not a systematic layout of what to believe and what to do. One day, when I can read my Bible again, I won't read it like an instruction manual.
You have sinned, but you have also been sinned against.
Sometimes, it really isn't my fault. Sometimes, I really didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes, I have to forgive, but I don't have to take responsibility. That's usually not the case, but sometimes it is.
A unique interpretation is usually a wrong one.
I want to get this printed up on a mug. If you come across a Bible teacher whose take on a passage is radically different from any that you've ever heard before, it probably means that he or she has a good imagination, is pushing a very strong agenda, and doesn't waste a lot of time on, you know, actually teaching the Bible in context.
You have officially moved out of the “youth” category.
I tried swinging on a rope swing. The next day, my muscles screamed and I had big matching bruises on each inside thigh. My quotable mother gently explained to me that, at 35, I can't expect to act like I did when I was a teenager.
-- SJ
But if I approach the subject stealthily and gradually, I can come up with some answers. Some people make lists of worship songs. I, on the other hand, have identified five (fairly random) phrases that have had a big influence on how I think.
I might be wrong.
I like my opinions. I think they're accurate, well-balanced, and grace-filled. Many times I'm sure they're based on solid Biblical foundations. But it's incredibly helpful to remind myself that I might be wrong. That margin of error makes room for compassion, understanding... and even the ability to change my mind.
The Bible isn’t an instruction manual
It's not, you know. It's a collection of ancient writings -- some poetry, some history, some campfire stories, some letters, some narratives. It's the only authorized and inspired text that tells us Who God is and who we are in His sight. It's not a systematic layout of what to believe and what to do. One day, when I can read my Bible again, I won't read it like an instruction manual.
You have sinned, but you have also been sinned against.
Sometimes, it really isn't my fault. Sometimes, I really didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes, I have to forgive, but I don't have to take responsibility. That's usually not the case, but sometimes it is.
A unique interpretation is usually a wrong one.
I want to get this printed up on a mug. If you come across a Bible teacher whose take on a passage is radically different from any that you've ever heard before, it probably means that he or she has a good imagination, is pushing a very strong agenda, and doesn't waste a lot of time on, you know, actually teaching the Bible in context.
You have officially moved out of the “youth” category.
I tried swinging on a rope swing. The next day, my muscles screamed and I had big matching bruises on each inside thigh. My quotable mother gently explained to me that, at 35, I can't expect to act like I did when I was a teenager.
-- SJ
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Grouchiness
I haven't had enough sleep. Am I dull-witted and unresponsive? Am I snappish? Do I suddenly explode with impassioned pleas to my children to PLEASE CAN'T YOU NOTICE THE BITS OF TRASH ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR AND PICK THEM UP? Do I blog about random incidents, long past, that made me grouchy? Yup, low on sleep.
Here's what has me grouchy tonight.
Years ago, I attended a birthday party of an acquaintance's daughter. I found myself wedged on the couch between two women, mother and daughter. They were related to the birthday girl, but that's not what we talked about. Because, first of all, I didn't do much talking at all. They did. And all they talked about was Maddy.
Maddy was the younger woman's five-year-old daughter. I met her when she ran through once or twice, and she didn't strike me as particularly remarkable. But her mother and grandmother certainly thought she was, and they had the stories to back it up. It was as if they got started and just couldn't stop themselves. I heard about the fits Maddy would throw when she was a toddler. I heard about the funny things Maddy said at school. I heard about how Maddy collected dead flies and put them in her dollhouse. All these stories were related with close attention to detail, so that I didn't miss any of the wonder that was Maddy.
And then, then, a ten-year-old girl came to talk to the mother. As I listened, I realized who this girl was. It was like a great reveal in a soap opera: this was the long-lost older sister that nobody had ever mentioned! In all that interminable Maddy-saturated conversation, neither the mother nor grandmother had once mentioned that there was also Ally.
Even now, years later, I'm irritated at those women. I wonder if Maddy is still the shining wonder of her mother and grandmother's lives. And I occasionally think of Ally and wonder how she's doing in that cold shadow of Maddy's.
I really need to get some sleep tonight.
-- SJ
Here's what has me grouchy tonight.
Years ago, I attended a birthday party of an acquaintance's daughter. I found myself wedged on the couch between two women, mother and daughter. They were related to the birthday girl, but that's not what we talked about. Because, first of all, I didn't do much talking at all. They did. And all they talked about was Maddy.
Maddy was the younger woman's five-year-old daughter. I met her when she ran through once or twice, and she didn't strike me as particularly remarkable. But her mother and grandmother certainly thought she was, and they had the stories to back it up. It was as if they got started and just couldn't stop themselves. I heard about the fits Maddy would throw when she was a toddler. I heard about the funny things Maddy said at school. I heard about how Maddy collected dead flies and put them in her dollhouse. All these stories were related with close attention to detail, so that I didn't miss any of the wonder that was Maddy.
And then, then, a ten-year-old girl came to talk to the mother. As I listened, I realized who this girl was. It was like a great reveal in a soap opera: this was the long-lost older sister that nobody had ever mentioned! In all that interminable Maddy-saturated conversation, neither the mother nor grandmother had once mentioned that there was also Ally.
Even now, years later, I'm irritated at those women. I wonder if Maddy is still the shining wonder of her mother and grandmother's lives. And I occasionally think of Ally and wonder how she's doing in that cold shadow of Maddy's.
I really need to get some sleep tonight.
-- SJ
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Mental DVD
If my mental processes were burned onto DVD, the resulting video experience would go something like this:
Monday: Hit play! Get the house picked up, breakfast served, kitchen cleaned. Okay, kids -- school in twenty minutes! Let's go!
Tuesday: Continuous play. Get the house picked up, breakfast served (to the younger ones), kitchen cleaned. School in fifteen or so minutes, kids! Just going to check Facebook again. Okay, kids. I gave you fifteen EXTRA minutes. Time for school!
Wednesday: Oops, a skip. Stupid house, why is it always messed up? Here, little ones, if you want something to eat I left some waffles on the table. Big kids, make yourself cereal. School. Blah. Maybe I can make today a library day. No, I hate going to the library with a two-year-old. It's not like school takes very long... probably an indication that I'm not doing enough. I haven't done much science this year. Maybe I should print out science worksheets! Sigh. What's going on on Facebook? Oh, here's a sweet update about love... I bet I could comment something snarky... okay, okay. Kids! Start your math!
Thursday: Pause. Prayer group in the morning, pick up this and that in the afternoon (or take off afternoon entirely). Ahh, Thursdays.
Friday: Fast forward. Week is nearly over! We can do this! Finish strong! Oops, we forgot history. Oh, well, we'll get it on Monday.
-- SJ
Monday: Hit play! Get the house picked up, breakfast served, kitchen cleaned. Okay, kids -- school in twenty minutes! Let's go!
Tuesday: Continuous play. Get the house picked up, breakfast served (to the younger ones), kitchen cleaned. School in fifteen or so minutes, kids! Just going to check Facebook again. Okay, kids. I gave you fifteen EXTRA minutes. Time for school!
Wednesday: Oops, a skip. Stupid house, why is it always messed up? Here, little ones, if you want something to eat I left some waffles on the table. Big kids, make yourself cereal. School. Blah. Maybe I can make today a library day. No, I hate going to the library with a two-year-old. It's not like school takes very long... probably an indication that I'm not doing enough. I haven't done much science this year. Maybe I should print out science worksheets! Sigh. What's going on on Facebook? Oh, here's a sweet update about love... I bet I could comment something snarky... okay, okay. Kids! Start your math!
Thursday: Pause. Prayer group in the morning, pick up this and that in the afternoon (or take off afternoon entirely). Ahh, Thursdays.
Friday: Fast forward. Week is nearly over! We can do this! Finish strong! Oops, we forgot history. Oh, well, we'll get it on Monday.
-- SJ
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Song for the Irreverent Songbook 7
On a forum recently, a woman told about how she'd been removed from music ministry and youth ministry in her church because it turned out she held beliefs different from those of the pastor. One of her differing beliefs was that a woman didn't have to be under authority, and if you disagree with an authority figure over the concept of authority, it's pretty much Game Over.
While I understand that a church wants its leaders to adhere to certain important truths, I had to laugh at the thought that she couldn't lead the music team anymore. Because what was she going to do? Write her own song to teach her aberrant beliefs?
Haha! Guess what I did!
Equality
(to the tune of "Majesty")
Equality!
We have equality!
Under Jesus, a woman’s as good as a man!
Even if she’s
not under authority
She knows she can
Pursue great plans
Just like a man!
So wake up,
Realize you’re not
Under Victoria!
Women can think
Not just emote
(Which men also do!)
Equality!
God does not hide from her
She goes to His Throne
Completely alone
Not through a man!
-- SJ (who approves of this line of thinking)
While I understand that a church wants its leaders to adhere to certain important truths, I had to laugh at the thought that she couldn't lead the music team anymore. Because what was she going to do? Write her own song to teach her aberrant beliefs?
Haha! Guess what I did!
Equality
(to the tune of "Majesty")
Equality!
We have equality!
Under Jesus, a woman’s as good as a man!
Even if she’s
not under authority
She knows she can
Pursue great plans
Just like a man!
So wake up,
Realize you’re not
Under Victoria!
Women can think
Not just emote
(Which men also do!)
Equality!
God does not hide from her
She goes to His Throne
Completely alone
Not through a man!
-- SJ (who approves of this line of thinking)
Monday, February 27, 2012
Lent
** You're invited to email me a prayer request, and I'll pray it for the season of Lent. More details below. Results not guaranteed. **
We're getting a late start on Lent, on account of spending Ash Wednesday in luxury and indulgence at Great Wolf Lodge.
My spiritual life is swirling, foggy, and muddy -- I used to have a lot more answers and assurance than I seem to now. Churchgoing remains a struggle. I eat too many snacks and spend too much time on the computer. Yes, there's definitely a need for Lent around here.
As a recap from years past, Lent isn't about cleaning up my messy life so God will love me more. I'm so tired of doing things to make sure I'm acceptable and that my faith is still okay. I'm actually doing a lot less for Lent now than I did when I first learned about it. It's about spending some concentrated time focusing on the Two Greatest Commandments: Love God, Love People.
(It's also a time of penitence, as opposed to celebration, which is nice because otherwise we might have dancing and feasting and have to call it "a Lent ball.")
So, I'm replacing a few indulgences with a few things of higher caliber. I can't maintain this standard all year, but usually can manage it -- barely -- for the forty days of Lent.
I'm giving up:
* Treats. This is hard for me. Basically the only reason I eat substantial meals is so I can have chocolate chips or cookies afterward.
* Facebook. Once a week. I'm not feeling the need to be a gung-ho acetic this year.
* Meat at supper once a week.
I'm taking on:
* Giving to charity. I hope to give a little bit of money to someone in need every week.
* Saying an "office" before bed every night. The night offices are set prayers and responses for evening, midnight, dawn, and morning. They're short and less familiar to me, which makes it easier for me to say them without buzzing interference from my past.
* Taking prayer requests for the season. I've done this two or three times in the past, and it's always rewarding for me. I really don't know how it's worked for the people I've prayed for. If you have something you'd like me to pray for, you can:
- Post it here on the blog -- anonymously is fine, although sign it with an initial so I have some reference for it;
- Email me at the penandgavel or the exaltedwater accounts;
- Message me on Facebook;
- Comment on Facebook.
The more, the better. It's not rollicking fun to do at the time, but looking back, praying for my friends is one of my favorite memories.
So, that's Lent for me. (DJ might want to post his own resolutions.) Operators are standing by to take your requests.
-- SJ
We're getting a late start on Lent, on account of spending Ash Wednesday in luxury and indulgence at Great Wolf Lodge.
My spiritual life is swirling, foggy, and muddy -- I used to have a lot more answers and assurance than I seem to now. Churchgoing remains a struggle. I eat too many snacks and spend too much time on the computer. Yes, there's definitely a need for Lent around here.
As a recap from years past, Lent isn't about cleaning up my messy life so God will love me more. I'm so tired of doing things to make sure I'm acceptable and that my faith is still okay. I'm actually doing a lot less for Lent now than I did when I first learned about it. It's about spending some concentrated time focusing on the Two Greatest Commandments: Love God, Love People.
(It's also a time of penitence, as opposed to celebration, which is nice because otherwise we might have dancing and feasting and have to call it "a Lent ball.")
So, I'm replacing a few indulgences with a few things of higher caliber. I can't maintain this standard all year, but usually can manage it -- barely -- for the forty days of Lent.
I'm giving up:
* Treats. This is hard for me. Basically the only reason I eat substantial meals is so I can have chocolate chips or cookies afterward.
* Facebook. Once a week. I'm not feeling the need to be a gung-ho acetic this year.
* Meat at supper once a week.
I'm taking on:
* Giving to charity. I hope to give a little bit of money to someone in need every week.
* Saying an "office" before bed every night. The night offices are set prayers and responses for evening, midnight, dawn, and morning. They're short and less familiar to me, which makes it easier for me to say them without buzzing interference from my past.
* Taking prayer requests for the season. I've done this two or three times in the past, and it's always rewarding for me. I really don't know how it's worked for the people I've prayed for. If you have something you'd like me to pray for, you can:
- Post it here on the blog -- anonymously is fine, although sign it with an initial so I have some reference for it;
- Email me at the penandgavel or the exaltedwater accounts;
- Message me on Facebook;
- Comment on Facebook.
The more, the better. It's not rollicking fun to do at the time, but looking back, praying for my friends is one of my favorite memories.
So, that's Lent for me. (DJ might want to post his own resolutions.) Operators are standing by to take your requests.
-- SJ
Saturday, February 25, 2012
GWL Pictures
Here are pictures (see, see, Deidre!) to go along with the post below.
The indoor water park was a grand place. This doesn't show the wave pool or any of the slides.
Happy kids with some of their new Stuff: Great Wolf Lodge wolves, a dragon, and a dragon cape.
Happy Darren, who planned this getaway and had the satisfaction of watching his whole family enjoy it.
Happy Sara, so glad to be somewhere fun in February that she didn't even mind having Medusa hair the whole time, due to letting it air dry.
We offered Pip some good, nourishing, yummy lunch. Here, he thinks he's hiding as he eats the Special Vacation Cereal Lucky Charms instead.
Gearing up for "the beach," as Pip referred to it.
Happy big kids at "the beach."
The indoor water park was a grand place. This doesn't show the wave pool or any of the slides.
Happy kids with some of their new Stuff: Great Wolf Lodge wolves, a dragon, and a dragon cape.
Happy Darren, who planned this getaway and had the satisfaction of watching his whole family enjoy it.
Happy Sara, so glad to be somewhere fun in February that she didn't even mind having Medusa hair the whole time, due to letting it air dry.
We offered Pip some good, nourishing, yummy lunch. Here, he thinks he's hiding as he eats the Special Vacation Cereal Lucky Charms instead.
Gearing up for "the beach," as Pip referred to it.
Happy big kids at "the beach."
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Mundania 34
In November, I complained about stores opening at midnight on Thanksgiving. In December, I wrote letters to three stores that affected people I personally know: Target, Kohl's, and Best Buy. And then I mailed them!
Yesterday.
In February.
But at least I actually sent them.
***
Daphne is the only kid not sick this week. Well, she's the only kid not reporting sickness. Addi's sickness seems to wane and wax depending on how real the possibility of school is. At any rate, Daphne finds it a burden to be the only healthy child. She is weary of doing "all the work," which to date consists of:
A. Fetching a book
B. Fetching a towel
Today when she was fighting Pip for territory on a mattress, she said belligerently, "Life was easier before we had Pip!" Then she waited. She knew she'd uttered fightin' words.
I replied, "Yes, it was. Think we should get rid of him?"
No, she didn't think so. But still.
I added, "My life was a lot easier before I had all you children."
She waited, wide-eyed, wondering exactly what was coming next.
"Should I get rid of y'all? No. It's better to have children than have an easy life."
She relaxed. Of course it was better! "Because now you have us to talk to you!" she agreed.
***
Stuart participated in his first Pinewood Derby for scouts last weekend. His car came in at #31 out of 36. That's translated as "not last place," so he was happy.
***
Last Saturday, the birthday money I'd carefully hoarded together was starting to smolder. So I took Addi with me to blow it all at Coldwater Creek. I still love the clothes I bought there about a year ago. We walked into the store -- you know, where a shirt can cost $50 -- and I realized that Addi was wearing the leopard-print fake-fur coat she likes so much.
The clerks greeted us, and complimented Addi on her coat. "Thanks!" she said. "I got it for $1 at a yard sale! Can you believe it?"
***
Stuart was lolling around on my lap, for which he is entirely to big, and pretending to bonk my head. Pip looked up and said, "No, Zhu-zhu! Pup's mama!"
-- SJ
Yesterday.
In February.
But at least I actually sent them.
***
Daphne is the only kid not sick this week. Well, she's the only kid not reporting sickness. Addi's sickness seems to wane and wax depending on how real the possibility of school is. At any rate, Daphne finds it a burden to be the only healthy child. She is weary of doing "all the work," which to date consists of:
A. Fetching a book
B. Fetching a towel
Today when she was fighting Pip for territory on a mattress, she said belligerently, "Life was easier before we had Pip!" Then she waited. She knew she'd uttered fightin' words.
I replied, "Yes, it was. Think we should get rid of him?"
No, she didn't think so. But still.
I added, "My life was a lot easier before I had all you children."
She waited, wide-eyed, wondering exactly what was coming next.
"Should I get rid of y'all? No. It's better to have children than have an easy life."
She relaxed. Of course it was better! "Because now you have us to talk to you!" she agreed.
***
Stuart participated in his first Pinewood Derby for scouts last weekend. His car came in at #31 out of 36. That's translated as "not last place," so he was happy.
***
Last Saturday, the birthday money I'd carefully hoarded together was starting to smolder. So I took Addi with me to blow it all at Coldwater Creek. I still love the clothes I bought there about a year ago. We walked into the store -- you know, where a shirt can cost $50 -- and I realized that Addi was wearing the leopard-print fake-fur coat she likes so much.
The clerks greeted us, and complimented Addi on her coat. "Thanks!" she said. "I got it for $1 at a yard sale! Can you believe it?"
***
Stuart was lolling around on my lap, for which he is entirely to big, and pretending to bonk my head. Pip looked up and said, "No, Zhu-zhu! Pup's mama!"
-- SJ
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Noisy Obedience
This is sort of a companion post to Queen of Carrots' excellent post from a few days ago.
I think that parents who understand their children and take a balanced approach to obedience find it puzzling that we young moms would stand up and trumpet that we're not for "Instant Obedience." The philosophy I'm fighting against -- and that has eaten me up with guilt since I became a mother -- is the one that says: When I speak, my child obeys. No discussion, or argument, no whining. In fact, any discussion, argument, or whines counts as disobedience, and is to be punished as such. The child must learn that my (or Darren's) word is their command. The end, amen.
You know what? That's not the kind of parents we are. It's not the kind of parents we want to be. And we aren't interested in raising children who are so cheerfully obedient that they can't express disappointment, disagreement, or just plain irritation.
So, yes, we expect our children to obey us. Yes, there are consequences when they don't. But we almost always answer the question, "Why?" Even Pip's. Sometimes I cut off the conversation with, "Because I told you so," since "Why?" can be a marvelous delay technique. Sometimes we have them obey before we explain why. But I've always encouraged my children to question my decisions for the simple reason that I am not always right.
The result is that our interactions with our children are pretty noisy. Lots of wailing on their part, sometimes shouting on our part. Embarrassing displays of emotion in public places. Arguments in church. Much more disruptive than instant obedience, much less efficient, much less pleasant to listen to. So why do we keep doing it this way?
(What was that? You asked why?)
Here are two recent examples.
#1: The older child
Darren had said that Addi could watch 45 minutes of a Barbie movie, starting at 7:15. She got distracted, so didn’t actually start the movie till 7:28. She set the timer starting then.
At 7:45, he told Addi her time was up. She showed him the timer, which still had 30 minutes on it. He thought she’d forgotten to set the timer till right then, so being generous, he said she could watch fifteen more minutes.
Oh, the world collapsed around her. She wailed that she wasn’t going to watch ANY, that it wasn’t FAIR, and ran back to her room in roaring sobs.
About ten minutes later, Addi came back out, sniffling. In an admirably controlled voice, she told Darren that he’d taken away half her time. When he inquired, she explained the situation without flinging her arms up in the air or declaring that nobody ever listened to her so why even BOTHER? Finally he understood what had happened, and gave her the time back. She happily watched 30 more minutes, turned it off as soon as the timer beeped, and was a cheery little soul for the rest of the evening.
This is exactly what Darren and I have been working toward. We want obedient children, yes; but we also want children who can come to us and tell us when we’ve made a mistake, and ask for a reconsideration. Even if they argue and wail, it’s worth it if they learn how to calm down and approach us with an explanation. And it made me very happy to see that Addi expected justice from Darren, and he gave it to her.
#2: The younger child
Darren had just gotten home from work, and he and I were in our bedroom, seizing ten minutes to talk without interruption. But even though we'd left Pip with a snack at the table, the door opened and his little blond head appeared. I told him to close the door, that we'd be out in a bit.
He hesitated. I repeated, "Phillip, close the door." Suddenly there was a clunking noise, and then the door shut. I looked: he had tossed an empty bowl inside the room.
Ah ha! He wanted more to eat, and this was the only way he could communicate it. Obviously he could stand to wait a few minutes, but at least I knew what he wanted.
In the Instant Obedience circles I've encountered, a child who obeys despite his own wants or needs is lauded. But it leaves me cold to find out that a child obeyed my command while desperately wanting to tell me something.
Some parents can enforce quiet obedience while still allowing for quiet discussion. I've tried, but it goes against my natural bent. I become harsh and unjust. Instead, I like back-and-forth conversation, and I like knowing that my children have had a chance to present their side. Sometimes it gets noisy and frustrating, but I gave up on having a perfect family nearly as soon as I had my first child.
("When you were growing up, I bet if your mama told you to do something, you did it!" My mama did a superb job of raising me. My in-laws did a marvelous job of raising Darren. I think our approach is essentially the same as theirs, and neither my mother or my mother-in-law feels it necessary to point out the differences. Besides, Mom told me when I first got married, "You'll figure out your own way of doing things. And you'll do it differently from how your mother does it, and feel guilty about it.")
We're still relatively young parents and we're still figuring out things as we go. We listen to veteran parents with great respect. If you're shaking your head and saying, "I don't get your point. Obviously you work with your children and let them discuss things," then hurray! We agree! I'm interested in what you think!
But if you're thinking that no wonder I can't get control of my kids and that you've got some really good advice along the lines of "Shut up and do as I say"... then yay! Now you understand why I'm not listening to you!
-- SJ
I think that parents who understand their children and take a balanced approach to obedience find it puzzling that we young moms would stand up and trumpet that we're not for "Instant Obedience." The philosophy I'm fighting against -- and that has eaten me up with guilt since I became a mother -- is the one that says: When I speak, my child obeys. No discussion, or argument, no whining. In fact, any discussion, argument, or whines counts as disobedience, and is to be punished as such. The child must learn that my (or Darren's) word is their command. The end, amen.
You know what? That's not the kind of parents we are. It's not the kind of parents we want to be. And we aren't interested in raising children who are so cheerfully obedient that they can't express disappointment, disagreement, or just plain irritation.
So, yes, we expect our children to obey us. Yes, there are consequences when they don't. But we almost always answer the question, "Why?" Even Pip's. Sometimes I cut off the conversation with, "Because I told you so," since "Why?" can be a marvelous delay technique. Sometimes we have them obey before we explain why. But I've always encouraged my children to question my decisions for the simple reason that I am not always right.
The result is that our interactions with our children are pretty noisy. Lots of wailing on their part, sometimes shouting on our part. Embarrassing displays of emotion in public places. Arguments in church. Much more disruptive than instant obedience, much less efficient, much less pleasant to listen to. So why do we keep doing it this way?
(What was that? You asked why?)
Here are two recent examples.
#1: The older child
Darren had said that Addi could watch 45 minutes of a Barbie movie, starting at 7:15. She got distracted, so didn’t actually start the movie till 7:28. She set the timer starting then.
At 7:45, he told Addi her time was up. She showed him the timer, which still had 30 minutes on it. He thought she’d forgotten to set the timer till right then, so being generous, he said she could watch fifteen more minutes.
Oh, the world collapsed around her. She wailed that she wasn’t going to watch ANY, that it wasn’t FAIR, and ran back to her room in roaring sobs.
About ten minutes later, Addi came back out, sniffling. In an admirably controlled voice, she told Darren that he’d taken away half her time. When he inquired, she explained the situation without flinging her arms up in the air or declaring that nobody ever listened to her so why even BOTHER? Finally he understood what had happened, and gave her the time back. She happily watched 30 more minutes, turned it off as soon as the timer beeped, and was a cheery little soul for the rest of the evening.
This is exactly what Darren and I have been working toward. We want obedient children, yes; but we also want children who can come to us and tell us when we’ve made a mistake, and ask for a reconsideration. Even if they argue and wail, it’s worth it if they learn how to calm down and approach us with an explanation. And it made me very happy to see that Addi expected justice from Darren, and he gave it to her.
#2: The younger child
Darren had just gotten home from work, and he and I were in our bedroom, seizing ten minutes to talk without interruption. But even though we'd left Pip with a snack at the table, the door opened and his little blond head appeared. I told him to close the door, that we'd be out in a bit.
He hesitated. I repeated, "Phillip, close the door." Suddenly there was a clunking noise, and then the door shut. I looked: he had tossed an empty bowl inside the room.
Ah ha! He wanted more to eat, and this was the only way he could communicate it. Obviously he could stand to wait a few minutes, but at least I knew what he wanted.
In the Instant Obedience circles I've encountered, a child who obeys despite his own wants or needs is lauded. But it leaves me cold to find out that a child obeyed my command while desperately wanting to tell me something.
Some parents can enforce quiet obedience while still allowing for quiet discussion. I've tried, but it goes against my natural bent. I become harsh and unjust. Instead, I like back-and-forth conversation, and I like knowing that my children have had a chance to present their side. Sometimes it gets noisy and frustrating, but I gave up on having a perfect family nearly as soon as I had my first child.
("When you were growing up, I bet if your mama told you to do something, you did it!" My mama did a superb job of raising me. My in-laws did a marvelous job of raising Darren. I think our approach is essentially the same as theirs, and neither my mother or my mother-in-law feels it necessary to point out the differences. Besides, Mom told me when I first got married, "You'll figure out your own way of doing things. And you'll do it differently from how your mother does it, and feel guilty about it.")
We're still relatively young parents and we're still figuring out things as we go. We listen to veteran parents with great respect. If you're shaking your head and saying, "I don't get your point. Obviously you work with your children and let them discuss things," then hurray! We agree! I'm interested in what you think!
But if you're thinking that no wonder I can't get control of my kids and that you've got some really good advice along the lines of "Shut up and do as I say"... then yay! Now you understand why I'm not listening to you!
-- SJ
Friday, January 27, 2012
Bad News, Good News
Refrigerator Edition:
The bad news is, the fridge stopped working yesterday.
The good news is, this is our grocery-shopping weekend so there wasn't too much in the freezer to go bad.
The bad news is, what WAS there had to be moved out into the freezer in the garage.
The good news is, it all fit inside.
The weather has been unusually mild this winter. That's good news, unless your fridge isn't cooling and you've got cheese, eggs, and milk to keep cold, in which case a good snowstorm would be useful.
The good news is, milk freezes.
The other good news is, our neighbors made room in their fridge for the cheese and eggs.
The good news is, the repairman came this morning and fixed the fridge.
The bad news is, he said we have to clean out the ten years' worth of gunk underneath.
The really good news is, Daphne was so impressed that we have a working refrigerator, and that many others in the world don't, that she donated $3 out of her bank to children in India via WorldVision.
*
Quiet Play Edition
The bad news is, Pip has outgrown his 2:00 naptime.
The good news is, he'll cooperate with Quiet Play.
The bad news is, I've had to reduce Quiet Play from 45 minutes to 30 minutes to accommodate his two-year-old patience.
The further bad news is, I've been used to sleeping even after the timer goes off, but now I really can't because there's a toddler lose in the house.
The worst news for the household is that I've been short of sleep for about two weeks.
The bad news is, he won't stay in his room alone.
The good news is, he has two sisters who argue over who gets "Pip duty" each afternoon.
The bad news is, he still naps: it's just two hours later, when there's no way I can get any rest.
The good news is, he usually falls asleep cuddled up on my lap on the couch.
*
Birthday Edition
The good news is, I had a birthday this past week. I turned 35.
The bad news is... well, let's see. I'm healthy, I like being older and wiser, my husband still thinks I'm hot, my kids are old enough to realize that Mama gets a special day, and I have lots of family and friends who made a point to wish me a happy birthday.
Guess there's no bad news for this one.
-- SJ
The bad news is, the fridge stopped working yesterday.
The good news is, this is our grocery-shopping weekend so there wasn't too much in the freezer to go bad.
The bad news is, what WAS there had to be moved out into the freezer in the garage.
The good news is, it all fit inside.
The weather has been unusually mild this winter. That's good news, unless your fridge isn't cooling and you've got cheese, eggs, and milk to keep cold, in which case a good snowstorm would be useful.
The good news is, milk freezes.
The other good news is, our neighbors made room in their fridge for the cheese and eggs.
The good news is, the repairman came this morning and fixed the fridge.
The bad news is, he said we have to clean out the ten years' worth of gunk underneath.
The really good news is, Daphne was so impressed that we have a working refrigerator, and that many others in the world don't, that she donated $3 out of her bank to children in India via WorldVision.
*
Quiet Play Edition
The bad news is, Pip has outgrown his 2:00 naptime.
The good news is, he'll cooperate with Quiet Play.
The bad news is, I've had to reduce Quiet Play from 45 minutes to 30 minutes to accommodate his two-year-old patience.
The further bad news is, I've been used to sleeping even after the timer goes off, but now I really can't because there's a toddler lose in the house.
The worst news for the household is that I've been short of sleep for about two weeks.
The bad news is, he won't stay in his room alone.
The good news is, he has two sisters who argue over who gets "Pip duty" each afternoon.
The bad news is, he still naps: it's just two hours later, when there's no way I can get any rest.
The good news is, he usually falls asleep cuddled up on my lap on the couch.
*
Birthday Edition
The good news is, I had a birthday this past week. I turned 35.
The bad news is... well, let's see. I'm healthy, I like being older and wiser, my husband still thinks I'm hot, my kids are old enough to realize that Mama gets a special day, and I have lots of family and friends who made a point to wish me a happy birthday.
Guess there's no bad news for this one.
-- SJ
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Happy Birthday to my Love!
Today is a very special day, because the most wonderful person in all the world is celebrating her birthday.*
Sara makes my life special in many ways, but one of my favorite things about her is her ability to write. In the last couple years, she has taken on writing several articles for a local children's magazine, and I'm always amazed that she comes up with not only interesting topics, but new and different ways to approach them.
I love her smile, her laughs, and her company. She is a fantastic wife and a wonderful mother, and I can't wait to see her after work today!
Please take the opportunity to wish her a happy birthday, and encourage her to do more blog posts so everyone gets the chance to enjoy her writing like I do :)
* Well, actually, the celebration will be this weekend, because my adorable wife has produced adorable children who have AWANA tonight, so there won't be much time to have a party before rushing off in the car.
--DJ
Sara makes my life special in many ways, but one of my favorite things about her is her ability to write. In the last couple years, she has taken on writing several articles for a local children's magazine, and I'm always amazed that she comes up with not only interesting topics, but new and different ways to approach them.
I love her smile, her laughs, and her company. She is a fantastic wife and a wonderful mother, and I can't wait to see her after work today!
Please take the opportunity to wish her a happy birthday, and encourage her to do more blog posts so everyone gets the chance to enjoy her writing like I do :)
* Well, actually, the celebration will be this weekend, because my adorable wife has produced adorable children who have AWANA tonight, so there won't be much time to have a party before rushing off in the car.
--DJ
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