1. Aliens kidnapped me.
2. I'm secretly a superhero, and crime has been soaring in my neighborhood for the past several months.
3. I've been too busy growing my own wheat and milking my own cow so my children can have naturally-sourced, organic toast and butter every morning.
4. Sewing your own bedsheets, curtains, and bath towels takes time and energy.
5. Just taking a little break from here to teach my kids advanced chemical diagramming!
6. I've been writing a novel and have no interest in doing anything else, including breathing.
One of these statements is true, and that's why the blog has been neglected for so long. However, those dear and close to me are lovingly compelling me to return to the world where everybody else lives. Unforutnately, this will mean a lot of re-runs on the blog: I plan to go through Facebook and pull out a lot of my bloggy status updates and add them here for archiving purposes. But that's better than a dead blog, right? Right.
So. *blink blink* This is what y'all's world looks like, huh? I vaguely remember it. Sure is good to be back! As soon as I finish harvesting this wheat/sewing this seam/defending the innocent/writing this dialogue.
-- SJ
Showing posts with label Silliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Silliness. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Excerpt from an Owner's Manual
Congratulations on your new purchase! At Intelligent Design
Studios ™*, our goal is to create the
very best in life products.
Your Female Human Body has been designed and tested over
many years to reach optimum performance. The following information will assist
you in maintaining and enjoying your Body.
The FHB is uniquely suited to long-term survival. Its compact size compared to the Male Human Body model means it requires less food and resources to function. Historically, this single feature has ensured more consistent longevity.
In addition, the FHB features an automatic Resources
Conservation Mode. This mode kicks in anytime the FHB loses mass or has access
to less food. When in conservation mode, the Body retains water and energy resources
to prevent starvation and death. (Note: this is sometimes the default mode: see
Reproduction.)
Reproduction: The most outstanding feature of
the FHB, as compared to the MHB, is its ability to build, produce, and maintain
Baby Human Bodies of both types. During the Reproduction phase, the FHB requires
special resources and maintenance. The
FHB also functions in Resources Conservation Mode until BHB can produce its own
resources for survival.
Troubleshooting: The FHB has been known to resist switching
out of the Resource Conservation Mode, even when the owner has no need for the
extra resources being stored. It is possible to send the Body back to the lab for surgical restructuring, but many owners find the cost prohibitive. For a more budget-friendly solution, we
recommend eating less and exercising more. That works, assuming anything does.
The MHB does not have a problem switching out of Resource
Conservation Mode. Owners of the FHB may find this difference in design
frustrating. We at Intelligent Design Studios ™ understand and are working on
it. Meanwhile, rest secure in the knowledge that if there is an apocalypse, the
FHB is the one you want to have on hand.
Thank you for choosing IDS™
** The author is making no statement about her beliefs regarding the origin of life. She is just trying to be funny.
Sunday, July 01, 2012
Happy Birthday Poem
My mother's birthday was yesterday, so I wrote her a poem.
I'm kind of embarrassed to post it, though. I set out to compose an ode in the grand tradition of my family, which generally contains lines like:
I'm sure glad you're my mother
Because you wouldn't be if I'd been born to another.
But I completely lost my head and ended up with something that:
1. Has no meter or rhyme
2. Is kind of a serious effort
My apologies, Mom. I'll try not to work as hard on it next year. Hope this entertains you meanwhile.
Answer:
Yes!
I love you, Mom! Happy Birthday!
-- SJ
I'm kind of embarrassed to post it, though. I set out to compose an ode in the grand tradition of my family, which generally contains lines like:
I'm sure glad you're my mother
Because you wouldn't be if I'd been born to another.
But I completely lost my head and ended up with something that:
1. Has no meter or rhyme
2. Is kind of a serious effort
My apologies, Mom. I'll try not to work as hard on it next year. Hope this entertains you meanwhile.
An Ideal Mother
Question:
When you were growing up,
Did your mother bake
cookies?
Did she take you to a salon for a mother-daughter “spa day”?
Did she plan fun, creative activities for you?
Lucky! You must have had an ideal mother.Answer:
Yes!
She baked cookies!
Only, it wasn’t
cookies, it was food. Cooked from scratch, every day. Rice and gravy, barbecue
chicken, potato salad (served warm!), red beans and rice, field peas and
butterbeans, pork chops, corn on the cob, meatloaf. Cookies? Pfft, she just
bought those.
She took me to a salon for a mother-daughter “spa day”!
Except not really to a
salon so much. She didn’t care much about facials and manicures. Planting
roses, chopping wood, and refinishing furniture does a number on painted
fingernails. No, we left the Scrabble game set up all the time and played a
lot. And she gave me books that she’d really liked. And we sat together and
talked a lot. Spa days? That would have interfered with our visiting.
She planned fun and creative activities for me!
Or, rather, she left me
alone to read, play the computer, ride my bike, swim in the creek, make up
stories. That was fun. When I told her about what I was thinking of, she had
lots of ideas and suggestions and laughed at my jokes. That helped me be
creative. She was always there when I needed her, and not in the way when I
needed time to myself. Plan my
activities? Where’s the fun in that?
Why, yes, I did have an ideal mother.
Thanks for noticing.
I love you, Mom! Happy Birthday!
-- SJ
Friday, May 18, 2012
SH&SW: These Things Made Me Laugh
From Facebook:
Kimberly Knight Reed:
I have always wanted to be fluent in another language. And today- it happened. Somewhere between the store and my house, I started speaking a foreign language. I can tell bc my kids have no idea what I am saying. Otherwise I am sure I would not have to say "pick up your socks" or "throw away your trash" as loudly as I have been and as many times as I have.
***
From Pip (translated into modern English):
"Saw ladybug! Outside! Didn't talk to me. Have no mouth. Has ears."
***
From Daphne:
She traded a pencil sharpener with Addi. For some reason, she decided she wanted what used to be a small house in snow globe before Pip threw it and broke it. Now it's a little house on a pedestal. Compelled to mark every single incident of her life with commentary, Daphne said in a rapturous voice, "I always dreamed of having a broken snow globe with a little house on a standable!"
***
And from me. I really like my own jokes. To prevent little hands from stealing a notebook of mine, I wrote in silver paint pen: "Sara's Notebook. Touch it and you'll be eating green bean smoothies for LIFE!"
Daphne, inspired, had me write on hers: "Daphne's Notebeook. Touch it and you'll be eating tomato cookies for LIFE!"
Addi, who is less inclined to flights of fancy, labeled hers: "Addi's Notebook. Don't touch it or you'll get the silent treatment for life." Which she probably would prefer from the majority of the planet.
I used most of my notebook up. So I got a new one yesterday. I labeled it in flowing letters, "Mama's Notebook of Beautiful Thoughts." The only thing I've written in it so far is a grocery list, which isn't very lyrical. But the handwriting looks nice.
-- SJ
Kimberly Knight Reed:
I have always wanted to be fluent in another language. And today- it happened. Somewhere between the store and my house, I started speaking a foreign language. I can tell bc my kids have no idea what I am saying. Otherwise I am sure I would not have to say "pick up your socks" or "throw away your trash" as loudly as I have been and as many times as I have.
***
From Pip (translated into modern English):
"Saw ladybug! Outside! Didn't talk to me. Have no mouth. Has ears."
***
From Daphne:
She traded a pencil sharpener with Addi. For some reason, she decided she wanted what used to be a small house in snow globe before Pip threw it and broke it. Now it's a little house on a pedestal. Compelled to mark every single incident of her life with commentary, Daphne said in a rapturous voice, "I always dreamed of having a broken snow globe with a little house on a standable!"
***
And from me. I really like my own jokes. To prevent little hands from stealing a notebook of mine, I wrote in silver paint pen: "Sara's Notebook. Touch it and you'll be eating green bean smoothies for LIFE!"
Daphne, inspired, had me write on hers: "Daphne's Notebeook. Touch it and you'll be eating tomato cookies for LIFE!"
Addi, who is less inclined to flights of fancy, labeled hers: "Addi's Notebook. Don't touch it or you'll get the silent treatment for life." Which she probably would prefer from the majority of the planet.
I used most of my notebook up. So I got a new one yesterday. I labeled it in flowing letters, "Mama's Notebook of Beautiful Thoughts." The only thing I've written in it so far is a grocery list, which isn't very lyrical. But the handwriting looks nice.
-- SJ
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sunday, May 08, 2011
To My Mother
Here's a Mother's Day poem to my mother, who doesn't deserve it. No, really, I think you'll agree that there aren't many people who deserve a poem like this. But I promised her a poem, and I figure she knew what to expect.
Thank you.
I love you!!
-- SJ (certainly not DJ, whose poetry is of much higher quality)
Please note the sophisticated rhyme scheme. Thank you.
Mom
Mom, you’re great.
You made sure I ate
The good food you cooked each day.
Although I usually ate Cap’n Crunch instead.
Everything of mine you read,
You’d edit
As you read it
With a black pen.
I still remember when
You would take me shopping
And never put me on the chopping
Block although I deserved it.
You don’t care much to observe it
But it is Mother’s Day
So I'm writing to sayThank you.
I love you!!
-- SJ (certainly not DJ, whose poetry is of much higher quality)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Cellular Help
Cell phones love to be helpful. They sing when you get a call, bleedle when you get a text, and hang over your thumb suggesting words for you while you text back. But you've got to double-check exactly what a cell phone thinks you should communicate.
* I texted Darren from the doctor's office once: "Daph and Pip both have car infections."
* Once when my friend Amanda was coming over, I realized I was out of paper plates. But the cell phone, showing disturbing political leanings, wanted me to ask, "Do you have any paper slaves?"
* Our babysitter asked me to text her when I got home, since it looked like I'd be driving into a storm. I wrote to reassure her that there hadn't been much of a storm to speak of. The cell phone was in a more surreal mood and suggested instead: "Not enough pain to warrant an umbrella."
* For one of the best gift ideas ever, Jessica sent me a random assortment of magazines. Included was "Food&Wine," and she said I should try a recipe from it because she interned with them. I replied that I would. But my cell phone was feeling poetic, so what it wanted me to say was, "I'll try something from done&wind and let you know how it turns out."
Of course I'm grateful for the cell phone's help, because it means I don't have to press each key three times to get one letter. Besides, at least it gives me something to blog about.
Or, as the phone suggested (obviously thinking I should find a more active hobby), something clog about.
-- SJ
* I texted Darren from the doctor's office once: "Daph and Pip both have car infections."
* Once when my friend Amanda was coming over, I realized I was out of paper plates. But the cell phone, showing disturbing political leanings, wanted me to ask, "Do you have any paper slaves?"
* Our babysitter asked me to text her when I got home, since it looked like I'd be driving into a storm. I wrote to reassure her that there hadn't been much of a storm to speak of. The cell phone was in a more surreal mood and suggested instead: "Not enough pain to warrant an umbrella."
* For one of the best gift ideas ever, Jessica sent me a random assortment of magazines. Included was "Food&Wine," and she said I should try a recipe from it because she interned with them. I replied that I would. But my cell phone was feeling poetic, so what it wanted me to say was, "I'll try something from done&wind and let you know how it turns out."
Of course I'm grateful for the cell phone's help, because it means I don't have to press each key three times to get one letter. Besides, at least it gives me something to blog about.
Or, as the phone suggested (obviously thinking I should find a more active hobby), something clog about.
-- SJ
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Song for the Irreverent Songbook 6
Daphne has learned all three verses to "Away in a Manger," so we've heard it many, many times since Christmas. And after you've heard it for the fifty-seventh time, you just can't suppress the ideas that come to you.
Away in a manger,
No crib for a bed!
The little Lord Jesus
Lay down his sweet head.
The stars in the sky
Look down where he lay.
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the...
HEY!
The cattle are lowing
The poor baby wakes.
Lucky for them, though,
No crying he makes.
Hey, shepherds, you're noisy
Could you keep it down?
Or little Lord Jesus
Will wake up the town.
-- SJ
Away in a manger,
No crib for a bed!
The little Lord Jesus
Lay down his sweet head.
The stars in the sky
Look down where he lay.
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the...
HEY!
The cattle are lowing
The poor baby wakes.
Lucky for them, though,
No crying he makes.
Hey, shepherds, you're noisy
Could you keep it down?
Or little Lord Jesus
Will wake up the town.
-- SJ
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
In-House Valentine's Celebration
We usually get a babysitter for Valentine's Day, but this year health and money (or, more specifically, a lack of both) decided for us that we'd have an in-house celebration this year.
After Phillip went to bed at 7, we put on videos for the three older kids. Darren told them not to disturb Mama and Daddy "unless there's blood... and even then think carefully about it." It was like in those action flicks where the general barks, "Okay, men, once I send in my troops, you've got an hour and fifteen minutes to get in, get the goods, and get out. Go!" As soon as the kids were under the electronic anesthesia, Darren and I escaped to our bedroom with a tray of champagne, home-made ice cream, and a little box of specialty truffles.
While I ate all of the truffles, Darren pulled out some Mad Libs he'd created for the occasion. He told me to give him "sensual" words, so I obliged with some Harlequin romance gems like "insistently" and "velvety" and "indulged."
Darren then proceeded to read to me, "How to Prepare Barbecued Chicken." It would have been hilarious even without the influence of champagne.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-- SJ
After Phillip went to bed at 7, we put on videos for the three older kids. Darren told them not to disturb Mama and Daddy "unless there's blood... and even then think carefully about it." It was like in those action flicks where the general barks, "Okay, men, once I send in my troops, you've got an hour and fifteen minutes to get in, get the goods, and get out. Go!" As soon as the kids were under the electronic anesthesia, Darren and I escaped to our bedroom with a tray of champagne, home-made ice cream, and a little box of specialty truffles.
While I ate all of the truffles, Darren pulled out some Mad Libs he'd created for the occasion. He told me to give him "sensual" words, so I obliged with some Harlequin romance gems like "insistently" and "velvety" and "indulged."
Darren then proceeded to read to me, "How to Prepare Barbecued Chicken." It would have been hilarious even without the influence of champagne.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-- SJ
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Song for the Irreverent Songbook 5
It Is Well
(to the tune of "It Is Well With my Soul")
When Pip, like a whirlwind, wreaks havoc all the day
When he spills goldfish where’er he goes!
When he stops up the sink, then he writes on the wall –
Then I say, it is well he’s so cute!
(Chorus)
It is well (it is well)
He’s so cute (he’s so cute)
It is well (it is well)
He's so cute.
And Lord haste the day
When Phillip isn't found
Spooling paper into the toilet bowl!
But his eyes are so blue
And his dimples so sweet --
We can't help but admit he's so cute!
(Chorus)
-- SJ
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Lights Up
Me: Okey-dokey, outdoor Christmas lights! I've put up the hooks, so now it's time for y'all to get up on the eaves and shine brightly for Jesus!
Lights: We like catching onto stuff! *giggle* We're catching onto each other! Hey, hey, look at us! We're grabbing the stepladder! *snort* We got your glaaassesss! *gigglegigglegiggle*
Me (good-humoredly): Ha ha. Now it's time to catch onto these hooks I put up here for you.
Lights: Where? We don't see them. What hooks? Where?
Me: Right HERE. In front of you! Come on, catch on!
Lights: Stinky old hooks!
Me: Do I have to show you the smashed bulb?
Lights: But we don't LIKE catching on things! Noooo!
*Sounds of scuffle and conflict*
Me (exhausted): There!
Lights: Hip hip hooray for you. You won.
Me: So why are you smiling?
Lights: We know something you don't know.
Me: What?
Lights: You got our plugs at the wrong end and now you have to switch us around.
*gigglegigglegiggle*
-- SJ
Lights: We like catching onto stuff! *giggle* We're catching onto each other! Hey, hey, look at us! We're grabbing the stepladder! *snort* We got your glaaassesss! *gigglegigglegiggle*
Me (good-humoredly): Ha ha. Now it's time to catch onto these hooks I put up here for you.
Lights: Where? We don't see them. What hooks? Where?
Me: Right HERE. In front of you! Come on, catch on!
Lights: Stinky old hooks!
Me: Do I have to show you the smashed bulb?
Lights: But we don't LIKE catching on things! Noooo!
*Sounds of scuffle and conflict*
Me (exhausted): There!
Lights: Hip hip hooray for you. You won.
Me: So why are you smiling?
Lights: We know something you don't know.
Me: What?
Lights: You got our plugs at the wrong end and now you have to switch us around.
*gigglegigglegiggle*
-- SJ
Thursday, December 02, 2010
In the Doghouse
Way back when we had dialup, and it took twenty minutes to download (upload?) a single YouTube video, Darren sent me this link and insisted it was worth the wait.
He was right. It ranks right up there with the Mancold. Here it is again, for your holiday edification and enjoyment:
JC Penney commercial: the Doghouse. Husbands, beware.
-- SJ
He was right. It ranks right up there with the Mancold. Here it is again, for your holiday edification and enjoyment:
JC Penney commercial: the Doghouse. Husbands, beware.
-- SJ
Monday, November 29, 2010
A Parody to Launch Your Week
We saw HP7-1 this weekend. (Please write the term in expanded form: "Harry Potter #7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1.") I haven't been excited about the HP movies, but this one was good. Probably because it streamlined the first part of the seventh book, which has its high points but tends to drag.
But I mention the movie here just so I can link to a "preview" that ran before the movie. It's a spoof spinoff, and I laugh every time I watch it. I don't think you have to be "in the HP know" to like it... but I wouldn't know because I AM in the know, if you know what I mean, you know?
My favorite line is the last one: "Sometimes the best defense against the Dark Arts is caring."
Dangerous Wands
-- SJ
But I mention the movie here just so I can link to a "preview" that ran before the movie. It's a spoof spinoff, and I laugh every time I watch it. I don't think you have to be "in the HP know" to like it... but I wouldn't know because I AM in the know, if you know what I mean, you know?
My favorite line is the last one: "Sometimes the best defense against the Dark Arts is caring."
Dangerous Wands
-- SJ
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Cuteness of Pip #3
I thought, "I'll post something on the blog that isn't related to my children." And then Pip did this the other night at supper, so the non-child-post will have to wait.
-- SJ
-- SJ
Saturday, October 16, 2010
cLASSIFIED aD: tODDLER TO gOOD hOME
tO gOOD hOME: tODDLER, EXCELLENT CONDITION, TWO DIMPLES, VERY CUTE, FAMILY-FRIENDLY. eNJOYS PLAYING IN WATER (ESPECIALLY THE TOILET), GOING OUTSIDE (ANYTIME THE DOOR IS LEFT UNLOCKED), CLIMBING ON THE TABLE, AND HITTING THE CAPS-LOCK KEY ON THE KEYBOARD. rECENTLY TURNED ON BLINKER IN THE VAN W/O OUR KNOWLEDGE AND RAN THE BATTERY DOWN. nOTE: TODDLER'S POWER-OFF BUTTON DEFECTIVE. WOULD WRITE MORE BUT AM TRYING TO BLOCK TODDLER WITH MY LEG SO CAN FINISH TYPING. IF INTERESTED, EMAIL ME. GRANDPARENTS AND AUNTS PREFERRED.
-- sj
-- sj
Friday, September 10, 2010
Purgatory Picnic
I can't cook a decent meatloaf. No, really, I can't. Nor can I do deviled eggs, and my muffins are always disasters. I recently told Darren that if I had to go to a potluck in Purgatory, that's what I'd have to bring. Which inspired the following evite:
From: Purgatory Picnic Committee
To: SJ
Subject: You're Obligated to Come To Our Picnic!
Dear Sara,
The September Purgatory hike and picnic will start this Tuesday at 2:00 pm. After a vigorous five-mile hike uphill, we'll enjoy a time of food and fellowship near a lake that the children will not be allowed to get in. (Sorry, no childcare is available.)
Please provide the following food:
* Meatloaf
* Deviled eggs
* Muffins
If, as usual, you make disasters of these three dishes, everyone will be on hand to express surprise and bewilderment that you could mess up such easy food. They will also offer lots of advice that you've heard before, and will continue to repeat it until you agree that probably that's what you did wrong.
After the meal, we'll benefit from a two-hour sermon on the Book of Romans (in KJV).
Please note that the table will be set with china and crystal, so please keep your children from touching the dishes.
See you there! And if you don't handle all this really, really well, we'll see you AGAIN in October!
Sincerely,
The Purgatory Picnic Committee
From: Purgatory Picnic Committee
To: SJ
Subject: You're Obligated to Come To Our Picnic!
Dear Sara,
The September Purgatory hike and picnic will start this Tuesday at 2:00 pm. After a vigorous five-mile hike uphill, we'll enjoy a time of food and fellowship near a lake that the children will not be allowed to get in. (Sorry, no childcare is available.)
Please provide the following food:
* Meatloaf
* Deviled eggs
* Muffins
If, as usual, you make disasters of these three dishes, everyone will be on hand to express surprise and bewilderment that you could mess up such easy food. They will also offer lots of advice that you've heard before, and will continue to repeat it until you agree that probably that's what you did wrong.
After the meal, we'll benefit from a two-hour sermon on the Book of Romans (in KJV).
Please note that the table will be set with china and crystal, so please keep your children from touching the dishes.
See you there! And if you don't handle all this really, really well, we'll see you AGAIN in October!
Sincerely,
The Purgatory Picnic Committee
Friday, September 03, 2010
7 Quick Takes, September 3, 2010
--DJ
It's been a while since I've done a blog post, and I'm out of practice. Let's see what comes of this! :)
Here's the link for the 7 Quick Takes home at Conversion Diary.
1. One of my favorite blogs to go to daily is Gene Edward Veith's thoughts on religion, politics, how the two interact, culture, food, random tidbits... He's a fun writer. Today he linked to a wonderful couple of recipes: Deep Fried Beer and Chicken Fried Bacon. I'll pass on the first, but doesn't the second one just sound so delicious?
2. This link's a little harder to get to, but it's worth it. Kari Jobe has a Christmas video that's really gorgeous. Click here, then go to page 18 and click on the black box at the top left. I think you'll like it. Unless you don't like Kari Jobe (not that I know anyone like this. Right, Sara?)
3. What I'm Reading: The Way of Kings. I have been a big fan of Brandon Sanderson's work ever since Elantris, and so I actually went out and bought the hardcover. Borders then tried to sell me their Rewards Plus program for $20, since "you obviously like hardcover books!" Um, no, this was the first hardcover I'd bought in 2 years. I'm only on page 130 (out of 1000), but I'm really liking it so far. Interesting characters, fascinating worldbuilding, and very cool illustrations and maps.
4. For school with the two older kids, I'm doing Character Building Activities for Kids by Darlene Mannix. Lots of fun activities and worksheets. Addie and Stuart are enjoying it. The first character quality is honesty, and it's already been fodder for some good discussions about how honesty isn't just what you say, but what you do.
5. I've gotten to take 2 Indian cooking classes from Daniel in the last month, and that has been a lot of fun. I hope to make a couple of the recipes for when Dad and Mom come to visit.
6. What I'm Reading: God’s Lyrics: Rediscovering Worship Through Old Testament Songs. Interesting book about modern Christian music and how it could be made better by incorporating elements from the Songs of Moses, Deborah's Song, Hannah's Song, and several from Isaiah. I've just started on it; I'll try to give a review later.
7. In one of Amy's recent posts, she mentioned how most of the kids' berries were gone from their pail by the time they were done picking. She described it as "so fun." I would find that incredibly irritating - when I'm berry picking, I don't eat a single berry until we're home, and I get annoyed if anyone else does. Weird, I know :)
And that's it. Have a good Labor Day!
It's been a while since I've done a blog post, and I'm out of practice. Let's see what comes of this! :)
Here's the link for the 7 Quick Takes home at Conversion Diary.
1. One of my favorite blogs to go to daily is Gene Edward Veith's thoughts on religion, politics, how the two interact, culture, food, random tidbits... He's a fun writer. Today he linked to a wonderful couple of recipes: Deep Fried Beer and Chicken Fried Bacon. I'll pass on the first, but doesn't the second one just sound so delicious?
2. This link's a little harder to get to, but it's worth it. Kari Jobe has a Christmas video that's really gorgeous. Click here, then go to page 18 and click on the black box at the top left. I think you'll like it. Unless you don't like Kari Jobe (not that I know anyone like this. Right, Sara?)
3. What I'm Reading: The Way of Kings. I have been a big fan of Brandon Sanderson's work ever since Elantris, and so I actually went out and bought the hardcover. Borders then tried to sell me their Rewards Plus program for $20, since "you obviously like hardcover books!" Um, no, this was the first hardcover I'd bought in 2 years. I'm only on page 130 (out of 1000), but I'm really liking it so far. Interesting characters, fascinating worldbuilding, and very cool illustrations and maps.
4. For school with the two older kids, I'm doing Character Building Activities for Kids by Darlene Mannix. Lots of fun activities and worksheets. Addie and Stuart are enjoying it. The first character quality is honesty, and it's already been fodder for some good discussions about how honesty isn't just what you say, but what you do.
5. I've gotten to take 2 Indian cooking classes from Daniel in the last month, and that has been a lot of fun. I hope to make a couple of the recipes for when Dad and Mom come to visit.
6. What I'm Reading: God’s Lyrics: Rediscovering Worship Through Old Testament Songs. Interesting book about modern Christian music and how it could be made better by incorporating elements from the Songs of Moses, Deborah's Song, Hannah's Song, and several from Isaiah. I've just started on it; I'll try to give a review later.
7. In one of Amy's recent posts, she mentioned how most of the kids' berries were gone from their pail by the time they were done picking. She described it as "so fun." I would find that incredibly irritating - when I'm berry picking, I don't eat a single berry until we're home, and I get annoyed if anyone else does. Weird, I know :)
And that's it. Have a good Labor Day!
Thursday, September 02, 2010
In Other Words
Recently seen on Facebook:
Sara Roberts Jones Tried writing a story in 800 words. Um, maybe shoot for 1000 instead. Hey, here's a magazine that accepts 5000-word submissions! Check word count on another story: 6025. Good HEAVENS I use a lot of words.
Rosemary Morris Well, just look at your status: 37 words! I could be your editor if you'd like. Let's give it a try: "Tried writing 800-word story. Came to 1000. Found magazine accepts 5000-word submissions. Mine: 6025. Blah. I'm wordy." That's 19. :)
Sara Roberts Jones Nerd.
(And I meant it to sting.)
-- SJ
Sara Roberts Jones Tried writing a story in 800 words. Um, maybe shoot for 1000 instead. Hey, here's a magazine that accepts 5000-word submissions! Check word count on another story: 6025. Good HEAVENS I use a lot of words.
Rosemary Morris Well, just look at your status: 37 words! I could be your editor if you'd like. Let's give it a try: "Tried writing 800-word story. Came to 1000. Found magazine accepts 5000-word submissions. Mine: 6025. Blah. I'm wordy." That's 19. :)
Sara Roberts Jones Nerd.
(And I meant it to sting.)
-- SJ
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Cover Letter to the Editor of a Magazine
Dear Editor,
Enclosed is a short story for your consideration. I'd like to explain a few things about it first, though, to clear up any potential confusion.
First of all, you'll notice that it's double-spaced and indented throughout, just like your guidelines said. Please disregard the *backs* of the pages, which might appear to be random photocopied pages of church music. That's what it is, of course, because my three-year-old locked (and lost the keys to) the cabinet where we keep our clean printer paper so I had to pull from our recycling stack. I think you'll appreciate this "green" effort on my part.
Secondly, although I ran it through spell-check, you might discover some unusual errors in the wording. That's because I finished it at about 11:00 one night. Yes, of course I proofread it, but again it was about 10:45 p.m. when I did it. I have four kids, Editor. I homeschool them. That means that they're always with me, all day, until they finally go to bed. So I do all my writing between 9:30 and 11:00 at night. I think you'll realize how significant it is that you're even holding a finished story from me.
Thirdly, about the ending. I was hoping we could work together to tighten it up. I know it falls sort of flat. That's because when I was writing it, at 11:00 at night, I was still fielding questions from children who were SUPPOSED to be in bed, questions like, "Hey, Mama, do you know how to say 'paper towel' backwards? I can say it for you."
Keeping these factors in mind, I'm sure you'll understand the value of the story you're about to read. Simply the fact that it's finished, printed, and mailed to you pretty much qualifies it as miraculous. And who wouldn't want to print a miraculous story? I'll be waiting to hear from you regarding my payment.
Sincerely,
-- SJ
Enclosed is a short story for your consideration. I'd like to explain a few things about it first, though, to clear up any potential confusion.
First of all, you'll notice that it's double-spaced and indented throughout, just like your guidelines said. Please disregard the *backs* of the pages, which might appear to be random photocopied pages of church music. That's what it is, of course, because my three-year-old locked (and lost the keys to) the cabinet where we keep our clean printer paper so I had to pull from our recycling stack. I think you'll appreciate this "green" effort on my part.
Secondly, although I ran it through spell-check, you might discover some unusual errors in the wording. That's because I finished it at about 11:00 one night. Yes, of course I proofread it, but again it was about 10:45 p.m. when I did it. I have four kids, Editor. I homeschool them. That means that they're always with me, all day, until they finally go to bed. So I do all my writing between 9:30 and 11:00 at night. I think you'll realize how significant it is that you're even holding a finished story from me.
Thirdly, about the ending. I was hoping we could work together to tighten it up. I know it falls sort of flat. That's because when I was writing it, at 11:00 at night, I was still fielding questions from children who were SUPPOSED to be in bed, questions like, "Hey, Mama, do you know how to say 'paper towel' backwards? I can say it for you."
Keeping these factors in mind, I'm sure you'll understand the value of the story you're about to read. Simply the fact that it's finished, printed, and mailed to you pretty much qualifies it as miraculous. And who wouldn't want to print a miraculous story? I'll be waiting to hear from you regarding my payment.
Sincerely,
-- SJ
Saturday, July 10, 2010
What I Didn't Do
It's been hot here. It's been so hot that even Debra, visiting from Mississippi, agreed it was hot.
But not that hot, she adds.
But ask anyone from around here, and you'll find out that it was so hot that we couldn't even go out of our houses until evening. And we talked about it. And the front page of the newspaper featured a graph of hot temperatures.
Yesterday it was cooler, so Deb and the kids and I went to a local farmer's market. ("Yay!" said the kids. "Apple cider doughnuts!" Also they sell fruit and vegetables.) There were a couple of other moms there. They didn't pay much attention to us, since they were visiting between themselves. They were talking about, you know, how hot it's been.
"We were stuck inside with our blinds shut. It was getting depressing! My AC is down to 72. And you know what? At naptime the other day, I laid on the couch to read... and I got a blanket! I actually felt a little cold! It was great!"
Then they left, saying they'd take their little ones out to lunch. Sometime later, Deb and I headed off as well. We drove around a while, then ended up at Chik-Fil-A for lunch. Who should we see there, but the women from the farmer's market?
I was so tempted. Well, not really. I'd never do it in person. But if I were a different person, here's what I'd have done.
I'd have gone up to her and said casually, "You know, it's really not a good use of resources to keep your AC so cold that you have to wear a blanket in the middle of the summer."
And then I've have shimmered away, leaving her wondering if I was some Green Angel come down from the Great Ecosystem in the Sky to remind her to take care of our planet. Ha! At least I can blog about it.
-- SJ
But not that hot, she adds.
But ask anyone from around here, and you'll find out that it was so hot that we couldn't even go out of our houses until evening. And we talked about it. And the front page of the newspaper featured a graph of hot temperatures.
Yesterday it was cooler, so Deb and the kids and I went to a local farmer's market. ("Yay!" said the kids. "Apple cider doughnuts!" Also they sell fruit and vegetables.) There were a couple of other moms there. They didn't pay much attention to us, since they were visiting between themselves. They were talking about, you know, how hot it's been.
"We were stuck inside with our blinds shut. It was getting depressing! My AC is down to 72. And you know what? At naptime the other day, I laid on the couch to read... and I got a blanket! I actually felt a little cold! It was great!"
Then they left, saying they'd take their little ones out to lunch. Sometime later, Deb and I headed off as well. We drove around a while, then ended up at Chik-Fil-A for lunch. Who should we see there, but the women from the farmer's market?
I was so tempted. Well, not really. I'd never do it in person. But if I were a different person, here's what I'd have done.
I'd have gone up to her and said casually, "You know, it's really not a good use of resources to keep your AC so cold that you have to wear a blanket in the middle of the summer."
And then I've have shimmered away, leaving her wondering if I was some Green Angel come down from the Great Ecosystem in the Sky to remind her to take care of our planet. Ha! At least I can blog about it.
-- SJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
