I just came across a new, delightfully absurd concept. Not surprisingly, I found it in Better Homes and Gardens, which could be subtitled, "Downtime On The Go." Over the past seven years, the magazine has gone from a leisurely read to a breathless compiliation of brief articles, pictures, and one-page features that you can absorb in about half an hour. (It takes slightly longer if you go through tearing out all the stiff advertisement inserts first.) Supremely oblivious to the irony, every issue features an extensive (read: three columns) article on "How to Relax" or "De-Stressing Your Life" or "Making the Most of Your Downtime." In the world of BH&G, nobody knows how to slow down, put away work, and enjoy empty moments without five tips to keep us on track.
This month's issue ran a story on parents who engage in -- and this makes me snort every time -- "meaningful multitasking." Like, the mother who doesn't get home until after her kids go to bed, so on those evenings she has her husband bring them to the office for a picnic supper. "I'm still taking calls, but it's important that we eat together," she explains. I'm sure she would see it the same way if her kids insisted on emailing throughout a meal with her. "I can't focus on you, Mom, but at least we're eating together."
Another mom echoes the sentiment. When she has to work on her laptop, she has her children bring their homework to the table. "I'm not focused on the kids, but it sends the message, 'We're a family. We do things together.'" Alternatively, it sends the message, "Your life will always be so insanely busy that you can't manage to squeeze your loved ones in around your work."
A father who either travels or is at his office by 4a.m. always calls his sons before they go to school. He knows they appreciate it because, "They know I'll be pulled out of a meeting to do it." Because meetings are so important to kids that they realize the sacrifice it is for their dad to put one off for them.
There were some good suggestions for spending your moments together -- talking in the car, playing cards while waiting for food at a restaurant, watching T.V. as a family. But "meaningful multitasking" assumes that you have to do these things simply to keep up an acquaintance with your own children. "Meaningful multitasking" assumes that you have no life of substance outside of Work, like the father who called his sons every morning: he was doing a very good thing, but couldn't evaluate its worth except in relation to his job.
As a stay-at-home homeschooling mother, I obviously have my own set of biases that color my view. But I don't think it's just my slower-pace personality that thinks these parents need to stop and take a new look at whether all this Work is as important as they think it is. They need to stop and consider whether they really need everything that they have to Work so hard to pay for. Mostly, though, they every now and then just need to stop. Because no matter how good they are at multitasking, there's no guarantee that their children find it all that meaningful.
-- SJ
Thursday, September 20, 2007
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5 comments:
Good thoughts, Sara. I think it's sad that so many kids are raised without quality time with their parents.
Oh gag me! Those parents should be shot... ok, well not shot... but maybe locked up. Ugh. I read an article in the Post recently about parents who were addicted to their Blackberries. One mom snuck into the bathroom because they had a family rule that she had to set work aside when she came home. It went on and on with parents who acted like immature children sneaking around the "rules" they had imposed on themselves because they wanted their children to see them as a family and good parents... gag gag gag. Give me a break.
Hurrah! for moms who stay at home and for those moms who work, but still give their kids 100% attention at meals and play times.
Great points, Sara, especially that last sentence.
We once attended (with a very small D1 in tow, as usual) a meeting at which candidates for presidency of a national political group were campaigning. One was the mother of a very young baby--she also had a more than full-time job--and she was looking to add this on top of it. Somebody asked the candidates how they did the work/family balance.
"I make sure I'm home in time to tuck him into bed at night," was her answer.
And I thought--does he even know you're his mother? What kind of connection is that? And will the world really fall apart if you stop running it and hang out with the baby for awhile?
Wow, I forget sometimes that that is what the rest of the world is like. With my husband and I both working from home (he full time, me by commission and always when I have time--family come first) I forget that it isn't like that for most people. I thought hat the little boy I once babysat had it rough--his parents both worked long hours so they kept him up till 10 or so each night so they could have family time--even though he had to be at my place at 6am so they could get to work.
How often do people look back and say " I wish I had worked more" instead of "I wish we had spent more time as a family"?
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