A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Van Auken, is a deeply emotional, stirring account of an idealistic and irritating couple who are entirely too enamored of their own deep and stirring emotions. That was my opinion the first time I tried to read it. My opinion the second time I tried to read it was exactly the same. I've never got more than halfway through it, and the possibility that I'll ever finish it is pretty much nonexistent. I mention it, however, because of one part that particularly annoyed me: in order to know one another thoroughly and completely, the couple not only reads the same books, but they go back and try to read everything the other has ever loved.
I ask you: can you and your loved one honestly do this?
There are some books that Darren and I both enjoy: A Little Princess; the Narnia books; Harry Potter; Jane Austen; Patrick McManus and Dave Barry. Mostly, though, Darren's books drive me crazy, and my books bore him. My friend Kristen agreed: she and her husband exchanged book lists while dating early on. She says it was a disaster, and she's surprised they didn't break up over it. Exactly. After Darren failed to finish a few of my recommendations, and after I read two of his and savaged them afterward, we've pretty much agreed to stick to our former policy of reading our own books and sharing exerpts from them.
His latest reads include: In Fury Born by David Webber, a sci-fi action book; the Star Wars X-Wing series by Michael Stackpole; The Temple by George Herbert, 16th century religious poetry.
My latest reads include: Silent Stars, about the forgotten actors and actresses who were big names before the "talking pictures" came to Hollywood; and Rasputin, the Saint Who Sinned, about the strange peasant "holy man" who exerted the force of a cult leader on the last tsar and tsarina of Russia.
(Notice that Darren's list comprises at least seven titles, while mine of the same time period includes only two. This difference highlights a further obstacle to our exchanging book lists.)
If you read Star Wars books for fun, can you really absorb yourself in a nonfiction account of Russian politics and society in the early 1900s? If you are fascinated by long-forgotten movie stars, are you going to curl up happily with military sci-fi? Not in this marriage, we don't.
However, we like each other's interests in small doses. So we read out funny bits, or interesting passages, or information that just might come in handy the next time we play a game of Trivial Pursuit. Doubtless our love would appear pale and shallow to deeply and stirringly emotional people, but at least we're happy.
Darren, by the way, loves A Severe Mercy.
-- SJ
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
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7 comments:
I think that was kind of the point, if you make it all the way to the end of *A Severe Mercy*--that they had idealized their love almost to the point of idolatry, and it had to be checked or destroy them.
I think our booklists overlap pretty closely--at least our booklists of theoretical interest. And it was a great pleasure to introduce him to fantasy, which he had never been allowed to read as a child.
In practice, the books we actually pick up tend to be more different. And I read about ten times as much as DOB does. (Discounting stuff he has to read for work.) But I do tend to give him synopses, and he generally does enjoy them. At least I think he does!
QOC ##==>
I had the vague idea that was the point of the book, actually. I just never could get that far.
Darren and I have more overlaps than I mentioned. In general, though, we look for different things in books.
-- SJ
I should probably read the book in question before knocking it, but I seem to recall reading excerpts and summaries from it in various other marriage help books, and my overall impression of the general idea is GAG!! To name your boat The Grey Goose because that is one species that dies of a broken heart if its mate dies! Are these people for real? It sounds like they never got out of the infatuation stage of love, into the wilderness stage and on through into mature love. I remember staying up all night chatting on IM with my beloved, and while I love him more than ever these days, I'm not going to wax sentimental about it or believe that love is everything or think that you can live on love alone or believe that my life will stop if his does.
I have to admit, I rather liked the book, but I read it just after DOB and I had become engaged, which was definitely the high water mark of sentimentality for me. Looking back, they do seem rather silly. They should have had kids!
I'm thinking that three rather practical, consciously unsentimental women as we are probably don't really appreciate the emotions and poetry that motivated the couple in question. People whose judgement I much respect love this book, so there has to be something there.
I'm also thinking I probably wouldn't have wanted to sit in the same room with those two for very long.
-- SJ
You all are having a deep and thoughtful conversation about the content of books, and what am I reading now?... The Little House on the Prairie series!! I have read them all about 12 times, and get the set out about every other year to read again. They some of those "comfort books" to me, along with "The Color Purple" and "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn". Eclecti list!!!!
LOL - wow, Sara. I honestly hadn't thought about that book in this light. It's funny to see you say it, because I can totally see where you're coming from! I think I tend to live in the mythical as much as I possibly can, and I tend to get annoyed by the practical - there doesn't seem to be as much eternal significance to the pragmatism of a lot of daily life as there is to the highs and lows and depths of poetical emotion.
God drew me into the book through my desire to have something like the couple had, something like they chose - adventure, high romance, oneness - but the end result was to throw me closer to Himself. The highest love any of us can reach here on earth is merely a shadow of the deeper love He has for us. The "oneness" I seek with Pete is a heart that is one in the knowledge of God, and I can't say I haven't been where the main character ended up, not really wanting God, but wanting what I want.
If you could pick the book up somewhere near the middle, heading toward the end, maybe you'd find a bit of redemption for the characters. I won't say it's not still emotional, but some of what the author realizes about God as his wife's life draws to a close is really incredible.
Any book is a different book when you read it with God and His perspective (and I'm not talking about the whole ATI approval list, either). I've had some people look at me (recently!) and tell me I shouldn't be reading this book or that book or listening to this person because of their background or the point of the book or whatever, but really, I could look at these people and give them the same hooey about their out-of-context Scriptures drawn from all those preachers they trust so blindly.
Ahem. I'm ranting. :-P
Thanks for sharing! If you ever give it another try, I'd love to hear your concluding thoughts!
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